Freak Files: 03-09-10

A GUY TOLD A WOMAN TO GET OFF HER PHONE AT THE MOVIES, SO HER BOYFRIEND ATTACKED HIM!

Two Saturdays ago, an unidentified man was at the Cinemark 22 movie theater in Lancaster, California.  After the movie started, an unidentified woman in the theater got on her cell phone and started talking during the flick.  So the guy asked her to turn it off.  But apparently, the woman’s boyfriend did NOT appreciate this guy telling his girlfriend what to do.  So he and his buddy ATTACKED the guy, and ended up stabbing him in the neck with a MEAT THERMOMETER.  The man was rushed to the hospital, where he was treated for his injuries and released.  According to the police, no arrests have been made in the attack yet.

STUPID CRIMINALS

This lotto winner’s luck quickly ran out – but he has no one to blame but himself! A man in Florida stole scratch-off tickets from a convenience store, then tried to redeem a winning ticket at that very same store!  Alen Nguyen, 22, made off with $70 worth of the tickets last Sunday and later discovered that one of the tickets won him a $50 prize.  He went back to the store on Monday to claim the cash, but a quick-thinking clerk asked Nguyen for his driver’s license and wrote down the information. The clerk called the cops and the cops arrested Nguyen.   First rule of theft, never return to the scene of the crime!

IPHONE USERS WONDER IF THEIR IPOD IS JEALOUS OF THEIR IPHONE???

If you’re one of those people who bought an iPhone, and now you feel completely naked without it, you’re not alone.  That’s because, according to a new study from Stanford University, the iPhone actually can be ADDICTING.  According to the study, THREE in FOUR iPhone users admit they take their phone to bed with them.  And 69% say they’re more likely to forget their wallet than to leave home without their iPhone.  Here are some of the study’s more FREAKY findings:   3% of people say they won’t let anyone else touch their iPhone.  And another 3% admit they’ve NAMED their iPhone.  Meanwhile, 8% of iPhone users admit they’ve wondered if their iPod is JEALOUS of their iPhone.     Overall, ONE in TEN iPhone users admit they’re completely addicted to the device and would be totally lost without it, while just 6% say they aren’t addicted at all.

Dirt Alert: 03-09-10

RYAN O’NEIL IS UPSET THAT FARRAH FAWCETT WAS LEFT OUT OF THE DEATH MONTAGE AT THE OSCARS ON SUNDAY

Everyone noticed that FARRAH FAWCETT and BEA ARTHUR were left out of the Montage of Death during Sunday night’s Oscars.  No one is speaking up for Bea yet, but RYAN O’NEAL is going to the mat for Farrah.  He says, quote, “It was a terrible decision and very hurtful.  Farrah was a member of the Academy for over 40 years and we could not believe she did not get a mention.  Unfortunately, the Academy has heard everyone’s complaints…and it DOESN’T CARE.  Academy spokeswoman Leslie Unger says, quote, “In any given year there will always be some people that other people think should have been included and that there’s more justification for one person versus another.  It is impossible to include everybody.”

WAS SEAN PENN BANNED FROM A POST-OSCAR PARTY FOR PICKING A FIGHT WITH HIS EX-WIFE’S BOYFRIEND?

There’s a story going around that SEAN PENN was banned from a post-Oscar party called the Governors Ball, because he PICKED A FIGHT.  Supposedly, he got into it backstage at the Oscars with a guy named Greg Shapiro.  He’s one of the producers of “The Hurt Locker”.  But more importantly, he’s currently dating Sean’s ex-wife, ROBIN WRIGHT.  A rep for the Academy says this did NOT happen…and the reason Sean wasn’t at the Governors Ball was because he CHOSE not to attend.  Robin and Greg have reportedly been dating since last month.  He recently produced a movie she’s in called “The Conspirator”.  It was directed by ROBERT REDFORD, and it’s due out sometime this year.

BETTY WHITE SAYS SHE WILL HOST SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

Well, you asked for it.  At an Oscar party on Sunday night, BETTY WHITE confirmed that she will be appearing on an upcoming episode of “Saturday Night Live”.  There are no specifics on when or how it’ll go down.

Joke of the Day: 03-09-10

BLONDE’S DOG

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink..

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, ‘Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?’

The blonde said it was hers.

‘Your dog seems to be in heat’  the officer said.

The blonde replied, ‘No way. She’s cool ’cause she’s tied up under that shade tree.’

The policeman said, ‘No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.’

‘No way,’ said the blonde. ‘My dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ’cause I fed her this mornin.’

The exasperated policeman said, ‘NO! You don’t understand. Your dog wants to have sex!’

The blonde looked at the cop and said, ‘Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog’……

Freak Files: 03-08-10

STUPID CRIMINALS!

This story is from one of our Memphis listeners who emailed us.  Her name is Cheryl.  Hey Mike and Mandy, have I got a stupid criminal story for you guys.  I work for one of the retail tax preparation offices and the other day, a guy came in and I did his taxes. This means that I have his name, SS#, Date of birth, address etc. After he left I noticed that my cell phone was missing from my desk., and the only people that had been in the office were that client , myself and a fellow employee. So, I called my phone and guess what?  The idiot answered it.  I then called his home phone number and explained to his mother that I thought that he had taken my phone.  I also called the police. The idiot called the office to say that he had my phone and he was bringing it back. When he got to the office the police were waiting for him and I know that he did spent the night in jail!!  STUPID CRIMNALS!!

OH, OH!  WHEN YOU USE THE PHRASE “FINGER FOOD” IN THE SAME CONTEXT OF THE FREAK FILES, IT CAN’T BE GOOD.  BUT IT’S FUNNY

A diner at a Florida IHOP refused to leave a tip after her meal, and rightfully so.  She had already received a tip…a fingertip, that is.  Nadine Robinson, 42, is suing the restaurant after the cook’s severed fingertip showed up in her fried chicken salad!  Ronald Neilly sliced his finger while preparing a meal Sunday and was rushed to the hospital.  But when kitchen staff failed to locate the fingertip, they just kept right on cooking.  Unfortunately for them, it was Robinson who found the fingertip after she bit into a piece of her salad that “had a rubbery texture.”

NOW IT’S TIME FOR “STUPID PEOPLE” A WOMAN TRIES TO FEED A BEAR AT THE ZOO.  WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE HAPPENED?

On Friday, an unidentified 47-year-old woman was doing some heavy drinking at the Lincoln Park Zoo in Manitowoc, Wisconsin.   At some point, this genius got the bright idea that she was going to HAND-FEED one of the zoo’s Asiatic black bears.   So she climbed over a barrier surrounding the bear enclosure, and reached down to feed the animals.  At which point the bear promptly bit down on her hand, completely severing her THUMB and FOREFINGER.

Joke of the Day: 03-18-10

THE MOURNER

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. Who do you mourn so deeply for? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”

Dirt Alert: 03-08-10

IS FERGIE PREGNANT??

This is probably bogus, but PULITZER PRIZE CANDIDATE “The National Enquirer” says FERGIE might be pregnant. A so-called “source” says, quote, “She’s definitely got more tummy lately, and she’s certainly acting pregnant.  She suddenly cut out alcohol and is taking way better care of herself.” Supposedly, Fergie and JOSH DUHAMEL have, quote, “rededicated themselves to their marriage”, after those allegations that Josh was pulling a Tiger with an Atlanta stripper last year.  (–Which he continues to deny, by the way.)

TIGER WODDS’ MOTHER KULTIDA IS MAD AT ELIN FOR NOT IMMEDIATELY FORGIVING TIGER.

TIGER WOODS’ mother KULTIDA is reportedly at odds with his wife, ELIN NORDEGREN …because Elin didn’t immediately forgive Tiger for cheating with almost two dozen women outside their marriage.  A so-called “source” tells “OK” magazine, quote, “She’s a woman who forgave her cheating husband, so she thinks Elin should do the same thing and stop shaming him.  “Tida is old-fashioned and thinks Elin should stand by Tiger regardless of his behavior.  When Elin decided not to go to Tiger’s press conference, this really upset Tida.  She was more angry at her daughter-in-law than at Tiger for putting everyone in this situation.”

DID TOM CRUISE ALMOST DIE…IN A MOTOR CYCLE ACCIDENT

Some unimportant celebrity blog said that TOM CRUISE was hurt in a motorcycle accident, but that his, quote, “quick moves” saved his life.  It never happened.  A post on Tom’s official Twitter page says, quote, “Tom NOT in motorcycle accident 2day …Tom tells us he hasn’t been on his bike in days due 2 the weather, but when it clears up, look out.

Freak Files: 03-05-10

HUMAN BEING OF THE DAY

A city worker in the small town of Lathrop, CA, gave up her job so a co-worker could keep hers. Lathrop was forced to cut 11 jobs as part of closing a $1.5-million-dollar deficit and a 60-year-old accountant, SHARON SINGLETON was among the workers scheduled to be let go this week.  But then co-worker PATRICIA OVERY surprised the city council and resigned so that Singleton could stay on. With the decision supported by her husband and four children, Overy said that she thought she could better handle losing her job than some of her co-workers.

DEPUTY SHERRIFF ACCIDENTALLY LOCKED HIMSELF IN JAIL

This sounds like something straight out of The Andy Griffith Show! Taking his cues from bumbling sheriff’s deputy Barney Fife, a Kentucky deputy got himself locked in a jail cell…then tried to shoot his way out of it.  Not smart. After accidentally putting himself behind bars, Charles Wright – who apparently has claustrophobia – started to panic and began discharging his weapon.  No one was hurt in the incident, but Wright was fired for his actions. He’s agreed to pay for the damage he did to the cell – but his slapstick mistake won’t soon be forgotten.

SINGER GOT HIS FAMILY OUT OF HAITI AFTER THE EARTHQUAKE, ONLY TO MOVE THEM TO….CHILE

Pierre Desarmes is a singer in Chile.  He’s part of a group called the Reggaeton Boys.  But Pierre is originally from Haiti, and after the earthquake there, he had his family airlifted out using his pull as a Chilean music superstar.  The only problem is…he brought them to Chile.  Just south of Santiago.  And when the 8.8 earthquake hit Chile on Saturday morning, the Desarmes family found themselves, again, right at the heart of yet another earthquake.  21-year-old Seraphin Philomene is one of Pierre’s cousins.  He says that when the Chile quake hit, he thought, quote, “My God, I left my country and didn’t die, but I’m going to die here.”  But the entire family survived the earthquake…again.  The death toll in Chile is estimated at 200 to 800 people.  In Haiti, there were about 230,000 deaths…and counting.

Joke of the Day: 03-05-10

LAWYER’S FEES

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.

“Can you tell me how much you charge?”, said the client.

“Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $200 to answer three questions!”

“Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?”

“Yes it is”, said the lawyer, “And what’s your third question?”

Dirt Alert: 03-05-10

JOHNNY DEPP’S GIRLFRIEND WANTS HIM TO QUIT THE MOVIE HE’S FILMING

The not-always-reliable “New York Post” says that JOHNNY DEPP is trying to quit the movie he’s currently making, “The Tourist”…because his longtime girlfriend VANESSA PARADIS wants him to.  And why does she want him to quit?  Because his co-star is ANGELINA JOLIE. As you may know, Angelina stole BILLY BOB THORNTON away from LAURA DERN when she starred with him in the 1999 flick “Pushing Tin”.  And while Angelina was filming “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” with BRAD PITT, she stole HIM from JENNIFER ANISTON.  And now, Vanessa is afraid Angelina will go after HER man.  And she’s especially worried because they’ll be shooting a SEX SCENE.  So Johnny is supposedly being the good boyfriend and trying to break his commitment to the film.

HAVE TIGER AND ELIN MOVED BACK IN TOGETHER?

Several sources are claiming that ELIN NORDEGREN and the kids have moved back in with TIGER WOODS to help him get his life and career back on track. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to be a happy family again. One source says, quote, “Elin knows Tiger has issues and is afraid to go near him romantically.  Because of the children and his need to return to golf, she will try to live in the house with a wall between them. According to TMZ, Wednesday was the first night Tiger and Elin spent in the same house since November.

IS MARIE OSMOND ON SUICIDE WATCH?

I’m not really buying this, but PULITZER PRIZE CANDIDATE “The National Enquirer” says that MARIE OSMOND is on suicide watch since the death of her son Michael last Friday.  Marie attempted suicide in 2006, and a so-called “source” says the family is keeping a close eye on her to make sure she doesn’t try it again.

Freak Files: 03-04-10

FLOSSER HAS BRUSH WITH THE LAW!

Was it really that much of a flossing emergency? A 36-year-old woman in Wales was busted by traffic cops for flossing while driving!  Cops spotted her going through her dental hygiene routine while speeding down the highway at 70 mph.  And flossing is not like applying lipstick or mascara – you need both hands to do it!  What was she doing?  Steering with her knees?  Police slapped her with a $91 fine and a stern warning about careless driving.

AT LEAST 50 LITTLE GIRLS HAVE GOTTEN SICK FROM KISSING FROGS

Last year, Disney released its latest animated film, “The Princess and the Frog”.  It was a big hit, especially amongst its target audience…little kids.  And little girls in particular.  In fact, it might have been a little TOO successful.  That’s because according to AOL News, at least 50 little girls have gotten SALMONELLA after seeing the movie, and feeling inspired to kiss a frog.

AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION WANTS TO STONE TILLY THE WHALE TO DEATH

You all heard how that killer whale at SeaWorld killed a trainer last week.  Tilikum…or ‘Tilly’ for short…grabbed 40-year-old Dawn Brancheau by her ponytail and dragged her underwater.  Now, a conservative Christian group called the American Family Association is asking SeaWorld to execute Tilly by STONING HIM TO DEATH.  It has to do with a Bible passage in the book of Exodus.  In chapter 21, verse 28, it says, quote, “When an ox gores a man or woman to death, the ox shall be stoned, and its flesh shall not be eaten, but the owner shall not be liable.”  Officials for SeaWorld say they have no plans to execute Tilly.

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Dirt Alert: 03-04-10

HIGHLIGHTS FROM JOHN DALY’S PGA PERSONNEL FILE!

Chubby, hard-drinking golfer JOHN DALY has had a pretty colorful run with the PGA so far.  And now we know just how colorful, because the PGA just released the personnel file it’s been keeping on John.  The PGA had to release it as part of a libel suit Daly had filed against a company called Morris Communications.  The details of the lawsuit aren’t that interesting…but what can be found in Daly’s file definitely is.  It states that the PGA Tour asked John to undergo counseling or enter alcohol rehab on SEVEN different occasions.  And he was cited 21 times for, quote, “failure to give best efforts” on the course.  The PGA says John intentionally hit golf balls over the heads of spectators during a 1993 golf clinic…and he hit tee shots off beer cans during a pro-am competition.  Over the next 18 years, he’s been fined nearly $100,000, suspended from the tour five times, placed on probation six times…and cited 11 times for, quote, “conduct unbecoming a professional.”

OPEN MARRIAGE AND HAIRY LEGS ARE COOL ACCORDING TO MO’NIQUE

On the BARBARA WALTERS Oscar special…which airs Sunday night…Mo’Nique explains that her marriage to actor SIDNEY HICKS is OPEN…although she’s never taken advantage of that personally. So if her husband pulled a “Tiger Woods” she would be fine with it?  She says “Yes.  That’s not a deal-breaker.  That’s not something that would make us say, ‘Pack your things and let’s end the marriage.’”  Oh…and remember Mo’Nique’s hairy legs at the Golden Globes???  That wasn’t just a one-time oversight.  That’s how Mo’Nique rolls all the time.  And Sid digs it.

CHECK OUT A PICTURE OF JOHN TRAVOLTA WITH HIS FLY DOWN

JOHN TRAVOLTA went to dinner with a friend on Tuesday night…and left the restaurant with his fly down.  The paparazzi were there.  (–Check it out . . .)

Joke of the Day: 03-04-10

THE UGLY MAN

Two women were talking at a party, and one said, “Look at that awful-looking man over there… isn’t he hideous? I think he must be the most unattractive man I’ve ever seen in my life!”

The second looked across the room and said icily, “That happens to be my husband!”

“Oh dear,” said the first, “I’m so sorry.”

To which the wife replied, “YOU’RE sorry?”

Wet Nose Wednesday: Lola

Every Wednesday at 8:40, Guardian Angel Pet Rescue joins the Mike and Mandy show to showcase a special animal that needs a good home.

This week’s featured pet is Lola.

Lola is a pure bred Doberman that is about a year old. She was starving and looking for food in the gutter when a nice lady found her one rainy day in September. Lola was injured at some point; she had several broken teeth and her mouth was infected . She had surgery to repair the problems; Lola now loves to eat and play with her foster brothers and sister. She loves to snuggle on the couch and always beat her foster Mom to bed. Lola is not real happy in a kennel except for when it’s time to eat and loves having the doggie door at her foster home so she can go out and play or use the bathroom whenever she wants to. Her foster Mom calls her a Pistol instead of Lola sometimes because she says Lola is very curious and smart. She is spayed, up to date on shots, and heartworm negative and has gained so much weight back, that she now weigh about 70 pounds. Lola love people of all sizes; we are not sure about cats since she has never met any. Remember what they say, what Lola wants Lola gets! And Lola wants a forever home

If you would like to adopt this week’s dog…please click here to fill out an electronic adoption form.

For more information on Guardian Angel Pet Rescue, please visit their website by clicking here.

Freak Files: 03-03-10

LIVE FISH RAINDED DOWN FROM THE SKY LAST WEEK IN AUSTRALIA.

There’s a small town in northern Australia called Lajamanu, and last week hundreds of live fish literally RAINED DOWN from the sky.  That’s right. Fish.  Spangled Perch, to be exact.  But before you run off screaming that the world is coming to an end, you should know there’s a scientific explanation for it.  According to officials with the Australian Bureau of Meteorology, a TORNADO probably sucked the fish up from the country’s lakes and rivers, and then carried them over the land in the wind’s current.   Experts say it’s actually not that uncommon.  But in this case, it’s still pretty unusual for two reasons:

#1.) Lajamanu is on the edge of the desert, and there isn’t a large body of water for several hundred miles.

#2.) And this isn’t the first time it’s rained fish in Lajamanu.  In fact, it’s happened at least two other times . . . once in 2004 and once in 1974.

AND THEY CALL OUR MAIL SYSTEM “SNAIL MAIL”

Think the U-S Postal Service is slow? Wait ’til you hear this.  GILL SMEATHERS of Wellingborough, England just received a package that was sent to her from 6-miles away. And, it only took 27-years for it to get there.  Smeathers says the package had two postmarks –one from 1982, and one from February 15th, 2010.  The package contained certificates of completion from a secretarial course her daughter had completed years ago.  Her daughter now lives in Canada. But, Smeathers says she won’t mail the certificates to her ’cause she’s afraid they’ll get lost in the mail again.

STUPID CRIMINALS!!

A man who tried to climb down a chimney in Seattle has that in common with Santa Claus – but not much else.  While Santa climbs down the chimney to give people things, this guy was climbing down to steal things. Making matters worse?  He got stuck.  Would-be burglar Shon M. Shanell, 23, wedged himself into the chimney of a house while its homeowners were on vacation.  A neighbor passing by heard Shanell’s screams and called 911.  He was stuck for nearly six hours before firefighters could free him. How many times have we heard about people getting stuck in chimneys?  Yet people still try to climb down the chimney.  Why?  Because they’re STUPID CRIMINALS!!!