Dirt Alert: Tuesday, 9-30-14

Love On The Fast Track!

CHRIS MARTIN and JENNIFER LAWRENCE are moving quick.

Star magazine reports the couple of one month has been together constantly and are talking about just moving in together!

 

Not All Fans Are, Uh Fanatical!

GERARD BUTLER needs to get over himself.

Apparently a well-meaning lady was desperate to get his attention as he left the restroom at a joint called Cecconi’s, but he wouldn’t give her the time of day and waved her away.

Bad move –turns out she just wanted to let him know about the toilet paper trailing behind him!

 

George Clooney Is Serious About His Photos!

According to E! Online, GEORGE CLOONEY and AMAL ALAMUDDIN spent more than $4 MILLION on their wedding weekend.

About $3 million of that was for luxury hotel rooms for their guests, which cost $9,000 a night!!

Dinner at the reception was $300 a head, and with 100 guests, that’s $30,000.

And how about the wedding pictures??  Guests at the wedding were given strict instructions to leave their cell phones in their hotel room, then handed burner phones and cameras that were encoded so Clooney’s people could access the images.

If a picture leaked out, the powers that be would know exactly where it came from!

(–I wonder how much $$ the wedding pictures are going to fetch from all the rag mags?)

 

Tracy Morgan Wasn’t Wearing His Seat Belt.  At Least That’s What Walmart Says!!

As you know, comedian TRACY MORGAN has sued Wal-Mart over the tragic crash last June which injured him and killed a friend riding in the limousine bus he was riding in.

But yesterday, Wal-Mart answered the lawsuit by saying he should blame himself for the injuries because he chose not to wear a seat belt. Tracy failed to “exercise ordinary care in making use of available seat belts… and acted unreasonably and in disregard of plaintiffs’ own best interests,” the company stated.

The NY Daily News reports Wal-Mart has denied any responsibility for the auto accident and rebutted all the claims in Morgan’s lawsuit.

Freak Files: Tuesday, 9/30/14

Who’s Fatter, Americans Or The British???

Americans might be some of the most overweight people in the world, but judging by this story, England seems determined to catch up.

The Bear Grills cafe in Congleton, England, is dishing up a fat-laden breakfast that weighs in at 8-thousand calories.

“The Hibernator” weighs seven pounds and contains four times the daily recommended calories for a man.  It consists of four fried eggs, a cheesy four-egg omelet, four bacon strips, eight sausages, four waffles, four hash browns, four slices of toast, four slices of ‘fried bread’, four slabs of black pudding, two scoops of beans, French fries, and a hearty milkshake!

Cafe owner MARK WINDER says, so far, none of his customers have been able to eat the entire breakfast.  He adds, “It’s called ‘The Hibernator’ because if anyone completes it, they’ll have to sleep for a year.”

 

A Suspect Is Caught When Police Smell His Overpowering Cologne

A 35-year-old man in Oregon was pulled over on Sunday morning, and the cops found drugs in his car, so the perp took off running and hid behind a bush.

Unfortunately, before leaving the house earlier that day, our crook went overboard on his COLOGNE, and the cops were able to smell him as he hid from them.

He was sniffed out and arrested!!!

Stupid Criminals!!!

Cops report it was a distinct smell of Axe body spray.  If you must know!

 

Can Someone Run a Marathon In Less Than 2 Hours?

Gotta love DENNIS KIMETTO.  He set a new world record for a marathon over the weekend.

Dennis, who’s a native of Kenya, ran the 26.2 miles in 2:02:57.  That’s less than two hours and three minutes, or an average of around 4 minutes and 41 seconds per mile. Yikes!

Kevin, who used to work at a farm in Kenya, is 30 years old and basically just began running two years ago!  Since then, he’s set records at the Tokyo and Berlin marathons, and was the favorite at this year’s Boston marathon, but dropped out due to a hamstring injury.

There are some people who believe he could break the two hour mark if he keeps at it.

Freak Files: Monday, 9/29/14

Don’t Mess With My Bingo Money!

52-year-old MARGARET THOMAS of Jefferson City, Missouri, was driving two other women home after the three of them had just played bingo.  Thomas was apparently unhappy with how $200-dollars in winnings was being split, so she pulled the car to the side of the road and ordered her two bingo passengers out of the car.

Then she drove off, leaving the two of them on the side of the road.  There is no word on how the stranded bingo players got home.

 

That Ain’t Drugs, It’s SpaghettiO’s!

Police arrested 23-year old ASHLEY GABRIELLE HUFF after they allegedly found a spoon covered with suspicious residue inside her vehicle.

Huff insisted she wasn’t using drugs, but cops arrested her anyway.  After sitting behind bars for a month awaiting trial, the lab results finally came back. Officials confirmed it wasn’t drug residue all over the spoon, it was dried up SpaghettiOs.

Huff says she may pursue legal action against police and prosecutors.

 

Three Real-Life Wedding Crashers Are Wanted For Robbery

The movie “Wedding Crashers” made crashing weddings look AWESOME.

But crashing a wedding in REAL life is technically ILLEGAL . . . it counts as robbery when you go eat someone’s food, and drink their drinks without an invitation.

Three underage guys in Ocean Township, New Jersey crashed a wedding this weekend at a banquet hall.  They dressed up in suits, mingled with the guests, and ate and drank to their hearts content.

But eventually someone figured out they were crashing.  The banquet hall manager called the cops, but by the time they got there, the wedding crashers took off!

Now all three of them are wanted for robbery, and while the police know who they are, they haven’t tracked them down yet.

Dirt Alert: Monday, 9/29/14

The Grey Fox Has Been Tamed!

As expected, GEORGE CLOONEY said “I Do” to AMAL ALAMUDDIN in Venice on Saturday in front of big-name guests like MATT DAMON and his wife, BILL MURRAY, Vogue editor ANNA WINTOUR, BONO and many more.

People lined the streets, bridges and balconies over the Grand Canal and some even hung from rooftops to show their enthusiasm.

The ceremony took place at eight-p.m., the lovebirds were announced man and wife at 8:18.  Everyone chowed down on a five-course dinner that included lobster, risotto, sea bass, and beef.

It sounds like quite a party –a few good-timin’ guests didn’t leave the joint until five-a.m. the next morning!

 

Drama On “The View”

The drama behind the scenes at “The View” is better than the show!

According to Star magazine, ROSIE O’DONNELL and WHOOPI GOLDBERG are both trying to take the lead, Rosie will only let one of three executive producers talk to her and ROSIE PEREZ has already fired her assistant!

 

The Prez, Bill Clinton and Hillary Are Grandparents!

CHELSEA CLINTON Tweeted the good news last Friday that she and hubby MARC MEZVINSKY welcomed a little girl named CHARLOTTE CLINTON MEZVINSKY and they’re full of “love, awe and gratitude.”

Chelsea left her sweet gig at NBC last August to focus on her impending arrival.

(–We have pictures of Bill and Hillary with their new granddaughter.  Just click here.)

 

JLo Gets Rearended!

Drinking and driving is always a bad decision, especially if you run into JENNIFER LOPEZ on the ride home.

Jennifer revealed on Instagram that she was sitting at a light and some “drunk fool rear ended us in my new whip!” Speculation is her two children, MAX and EMME, were in the car but no one was injured.   

Dirt Alert: Friday, 9/26/14

George Clooney is Getting Married in Venice This Weekend 

The details are still pretty much under wraps, but GEORGE CLOONEY and AMAL ALAMUDDIN are getting married in Venice this weekend.

George has commandeered the Hotel Cipriani, where guests should begin arriving today.  This is expected to be a three-day celebration, with the actual wedding taking place tomorrow night.

It’ll be a black-tie affair, with only about 60 guests, including Bono, Ellen Barkin, Sandra Bullock and her son Louis, Matt Damon and his wife, Julia Roberts and her husband, Cindy Crawford and her husband Rande Gerber . . .

And, of course, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.  There are reports that Brad will be the best man.  Oh, and Lana Del Rey is going to sing.

 

Lindsay Lohan FAILS In Her London Stage Debut!

Lindsay Lohan made her stage debut in London this week in the play “Speed-the-plow,” and the reviews coming-in are TERRIBLE.

First of all, the theater was only half-full and Lindsay looked very nervous on stage, broke character several times and even forgot her lines.

At one point, Lindsay missed her cue, forgot her line and had to have someone read it to her from backstage….and the audience began laughing at her because she was such a mess.

People are describing the overall play as “dull” and “uninspired.”

 

Justin Bieber Is Voicing the “Knight Rider” Car KITT in an Upcoming David Hasselhoff Comedy

It’s time for “Beiber’s Bumblings”!  However, The Bieb isn’t a bumbling idiot in this story.

JUSTIN BIEBER is voicing KITT . . . the talking car from “Knight Rider” . . . in an upcoming movie called “Killing Hasselhoff”.

It’s a comedy about a guy who tries to win a celebrity death pool by hiring a hit man to eliminate The Hoff.

DAVID HASSELHOFF says he asked Justin to do it as a favor, and The Bieb obliged.

Freak Files: Friday, 9/26/14

 A McDonald’s Drive Thru Won’t Serve a Guy on Foot . . . So He Carjacks a Woman

Ever tried WALKING through the McDonald’s drive thru?  They seem to have a pretty strict policy against serving people unless they’re in cars.

That’s what happened to 25-year-old Erik Aguilar of Oklahoma City on Tuesday.  He tried to walk through a McDonald’s drive thru around midnight, but they wouldn’t serve him.

So . . . he walked up to the car behind him and CARJACKED the woman inside.  The woman fought with him, but he eventually got her out of the car.

That fight must’ve killed his appetite because even though he was totally eligible for some food now that he was in a car, he instead sped off.

Unfortunately, at least for the Stupid Criminals, he quickly crashed the car.  Police found him right by the crash and arrested him.

 

Banks Don’t Give Away Money!

This goes to prove that if something is not yours you don’t take it, even if it lands in your lap, or in this case, in your bank account.

A bank in New Zealand accidentally transferred $142,000 into a 32-year-old guy’s account, so did he notify the bank to inform them of the error?  NO!!!

Naturally he went on a GAMBLING spree.  He lost $106,000 of it in one week . . . but now the bank wants the money back, and he’s been indicted for theft.

 

Man Hits Jackpot Just Before Arrest, Pays Fine In Cash

A gambler in Germany has been saved from prison by a one-armed bandit.

Two police officers were carrying out routine checks at a casino in Bochum late last week when they discovered that a man playing a slot machine faced an arrest warrant.

His warrant required that he either pay a $910 fine or go to prison for 71 days.

But just as officers informed the man that he faced arrest, the slot machine started to flash and ding…..and he won a $1,200 jackpot!

He won $1,270 . . . paid his $910 fine in cash on the spot . . . and walked away a free man with $360 in winnings left over.

Freak Files: Thursday, 9/25/14

The Strangest Things People Have Left in Cabs

Hundreds of cab drivers were asked about the strange things people have left in their cabs and the findings are FREAKY!!!

Some of the best ones are:  a baby (literally…a baby!!!) . . . cremated ashes . . . fake teeth…a live chicken and a live duck!!

 

I Hear A Baby In The Trunk!

A Florida woman is accused of driving with her 5-month-old baby in the trunk.

Broward County deputies conducted a traffic stop on 19-year-old BREONA WATKINS. That’s when they heard a baby’s cries coming from the trunk.

When they opened it, they allegedly found the infant surrounded by hazardous items and lying on top of a pair of hedge-cutting shears.

Watkins told the cops that she placed the baby in the trunk to avoid getting a ticket for not owning a child safety seat.

Stupid Criminals!

She’s been charged with child abuse, resisting an officer, driving without a license, failure to have a child restraint, and several traffic-related offenses.

 

Introducing The “Human Flesh” Burger!!!

A pair of British chefs say they’ve created a “human flesh” burger in honor of the TV series, ‘Walking Dead’.

The cooks promise their meat doesn’t contain actual human flesh.  The flavor of the burgers was designed based on testimonials from famous cannibals throughout history.

It contains pork, veal, chicken livers, and bone marrow. The Walking Dead Burgers will be available to sample at the end of the month at the Terminus Tavern in East London, which hasn’t opened its doors yet.

 

Animal Stories

A baby cow in China was born with six fully-formed legs.

Owner ZHANG GONGXUN says four of the legs are normal, but the two extra legs are growing from the calf’s neck.  The neck-legs don’t move at all, but the calf doesn’t seem bothered by them.

Farmer Zhang says he’s raised many cows but never seen anything like this.  He adds, “I get crowds of people here every day and all kinds of camera crews from TV stations.”

Several animal parks have asked to buy the baby cow.  Zhang says he’s considering the offers.

Dirt Alert: Thursday, 9/25/14

He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother!

Some celebs siblings don’t want to use the family name to gain their own fame.

Us Weekly reports that “Twilight” superstar, ROBERT PATTISON’s sister LIZZY made it to the second round on Britain’s The X Factor” and no one even knew who she was!

She sang a BONNIE RAITT song that blew the judges away!

 

My Wife Is Best Friends With My Ex-girlfriend

Could TOM BRADY’s life be any better?

The New England Patriots quarterback is talented, good looking, rich and a picture in this week’s Us Weekly magazine shows his ex-girlfriend BRIDGET MOYNAHAN and his current wife GISELE BUNDCHEN, chatting and laughing at a soccer game in NYC.

 

Another Break-In At Keanu Reeve’s House

We told ‘ya last Monday that a woman snuck into Keanu Reeve’s house and hung out in his library over the weekend.  Well another crazy lady made a big splash in his pool.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ.com that a cleaning crew left the front gate open, a random lady snuck into his house, took a shower and went skinny dipping in his pool!

The help got a bit suspicious, called Keanu, he dialed 9-1-1 and their new friend was taken away for a mental evaluation.

 

It’s Time For “Kooky Kardashians”

KIM KARDASHIAN isn’t living under KANYE WEST’s absolute rule. Sources tell OK! magazine that Kim splurged on a secret cell phone after Kayne began snooping through hers every single night.

Wet Nose Wednesday: Luna

Every Wednesday at 8:40, Guardian Angel Pet Rescue joins the Mike and Mandy show to showcase a special animal that needs a good home.

This week’s featured pet is Luna.

Luna

Luna is a charming 10 week old boxer mix. She is as sweet as can be and loves to cuddle and play!  In addition to her fantastic personality, she is absolutely beautiful. Her blue fawn coloring and bluish gray eyes give her a truly exotic look. So far, Luna has had two sets of shots, has been dewormed and is on heartguard. When she gets a little older, she will be spayed, chipped and receive her final shots. Luckily, this precious girl was rescued from a local animal shelter just in the nick time. She is great. If you are ready for a four-legged family member, you must meet Luna!

If you would like to adopt this week’s dog…please click here to fill out an electronic adoption form.


For more information on Guardian Angel Pet Rescue, please visit their website by clicking here
.

We couldn’t do Wet Nose Wednesday without the generous support of our sponsor, Dixie Memorial Pet Cemetery.

Freak Files: Wednesday, 9/24/14

Cops Delivery A Pizza!

Imagine ordering a pizza and having police deliver it. That’s exactly what happened in Portland, Oregon.

STEVE HUCKINS placed an order with Pizza Hut, but the delivery driver got into an accident on the way to his house.  Portland Police responded to the crash scene and, after taking care of the incident, decided to finish out the pizza delivery for the injured driver.

Huckins says he was comically surprised when he opened the door and saw cops holding a Hawaiian pizza.  The delivery driver injured his neck in the crash and is taking some time off work while he recovers.

No word if the cops received a tip for the delivery!

 

A Woman Leads Cops on a High-Speed Chase and Blames It on Her Foot Getting Stuck on the Gas

A cop tried to pull over a 19-year-old in North Carolina for speeding on Monday night, but she led them on a high-speed chase that topped out at over 100 miles an hour.  When she finally stopped……she said she wasn’t trying to escape the police….she claimed her foot got STUCK on the gas pedal!!!

Amazingly, that excuse didn’t work.

Stupid Criminals!!!

She’s facing a felony fleeing charge plus other charges for reckless driving, speeding, and failure to stop for a siren.

 

Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” Helps Four Guys Survive a Shipwreck

Three men and a 10-year-old boy were fishing off the coast of Hawaii last week, when a massive WAVE hit their boat.  And it was so big, the boat BROKE and capsized . . . and the four of them hung on for dear life.

One of the guys had suffered a broken leg in the accident, and was in massive pain every time a wave hit his leg.  Plus, it was dark outside and no one could see them, so they started wondering if they’d die out there.

And then, after four hours, the kid told everyone to listen.  There was a party at the harbor back on shore, and the guys could hear the music they were playing . . . “Don’t Stop Believin’” by JOURNEY.

They took that as a sign, and decided to make a move back toward the shore.  And they MADE IT! The people from the party ran out to help them and they are all expected to be fine.

Dirt Alert: Wednesday, 9/24/14

 

Kris Jenner Files For Divorce, Bruce Jenner Buys A Race Car!

What does a guy do when his wife files for divorce?

BRUCE JENNER was busy spending his hard-earned cash on an impulse buy while KRIS JENNER filed for divorce.  TMZ.com reports that Jenner dropped 50-grand on a UTV race car at the Sand Sports Super Show in Orange County, California last Monday.

Word is he was “grinning from ear-to-ear” after the purchase and bought it from NASCAR stud ROBBY GORDON.

 

Hope Solo Still Gets to Play Soccer, Despite Domestic Abuse Charges 

NFL players with domestic violence charges are being benched left and right.  But U.S. Soccer isn’t following suit.

Remember when U.S. women’s goalie HOPE SOLO was ARRESTED back in June for allegedly assaulting her sister and her nephew?  Well, that was a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE arrest.

So, is Hope being benched while the legal system sorts this whole thing out?  Nope.

U.S. Soccer says, quote, “U.S. Soccer stands by our decision to allow her to participate with the team as the legal process unfolds.  If new information becomes available, we will carefully consider it.”

 

More Proof That It’s Mostly Old People Buying Music 

Barbra Streisand Has the #1 Album This Week!

BARBRA STREISAND is the latest “older” act to score a #1 album this year, following in the footsteps of Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers and Weird Al Yankovic which is not surprising, since studies show that it’s older people who are still buying music.

BARBRA’s new CD sold 196,000 copies.

 

Dirt Alert: Tuesday, 9/23/14

Kris Jenner Has Filed for Divorce from Bruce Jenner 

KRIS JENNER finally filed for divorce yesterday from BRUCE JENNER.  (Goin to the Big ‘D’)  This has been a long time coming because they announced their separation last October.  Why are they splitting?  “Irreconcilable differences”, of course.

There will be no spousal support.  Sources say this is all completely amicable . . . and that appears to be the case, because Bruce filed his own papers, and asked for the exact same things as Kris.  They’re both reportedly worth upwards of $100 million.

Kris and Bruce got married in 1991, a month after her divorce from O.J. SIMPSON attorney ROBERT KARDASHIAN was finalized.

 

Charlie Sheen Claims There Have Been Talks About Him Returning to “Two and a Half Men” 

There was a LOT of bad blood when CHARLIE SHEEN and “Two and a Half Men” parted ways back in 2011 . . . but now, Charlie says there’s been some talk between the two sides about him coming back for a final send-off.

He claims he’s reached out to them and they’ve “reached back.”  There’s no official word from the show, but unnamed producers have denied any discussions with Charlie.

“Two and a Half Men” returns for its final season on October 30th.

 

Miley Cyrus’ Home Burglars Will Serve Time

TMZ has reported that the two people who broke into Miley Cyrus’ home and stole her Maserati and jewelry will serve time in jail.

Tylor Scott and Naomi Charles copped pleas yesterday where they were found guilty of 1 count of felony residential burglary.

Tylor will serve 5 years in state prison. Naomi, on the other hand, will be behind bars in county jail for 1 year.

Scott received a harsher sentence because he already has a jail record and had a gun during the burglary.