Mike and Mandy In The Morning!

WHO’S THE HIGHEST-PAID ATHLETE EVER…JORDAN?  TIGER?  OR A SECOND CENTURY ROMAN CHARIOT RACER?

–Peter Struck is an associate professor of classical studies at the University of Pennsylvania, and he says he’s figured out the richest athlete ever.  And it’s not TIGER WOODS, MICHAEL JORDAN…or anyone you’ve ever heard of.

–No, the richest athlete ever is…a Roman chariot racer named Gaius Appuleius Diocles.  (–That would be “GUY-us  Ah-POO-lee-us  DIE-ah-klees”.)

–Between 122 and 164 A.D., Gaius was the best charioteer in the world.  Ancient records have shown that his career winnings…measured in ancient Roman coins…comes to 35,863,120 sesterces (–SESS-turr-seez.)

–Struck says, quote, “By today’s standards that…would cash out to about $15 BILLION.”

–It would’ve been enough money to provide grain to the entire population of Rome for a full year, or fund the gigantic Roman Army for more than two months.

THE AVERAGE MAN WASTES $3,000 IN GAS IN HIS LIFETIME BY NOT ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS:

I thought that old stereotype that men never ask for directions was obsolete…with GPS?  Apparently guys, you’re not QUITE there yet.

–A survey by a British insurance company found that the average man drives around lost for 276 miles every YEAR.  And, over the course of his lifetime, he wastes $3,000 in gas by refusing to ask for directions.

–The survey found that 74% of women will happily ask for directions when they’re lost, versus just 30% of men.

–40% of men say that if they do give in and ask a stranger for directions, sometimes they ignore those directions and just keep on driving anyway.

FOLLOW-UP:  THE WOMAN WHOSE CAR BROKE A MAN’S 39-STORY FALL AND SAVED HIS LIFE…IS DEVASTATED THAT HER CAR IS RUINED:

Yesterday, we told you about 22-year-old Thomas McGill of Manhattan.  He’s the guy who allegedly tried to commit suicide by jumping off a 39-STORY high rise…but ended up crashing through a car on the street and SURVIVING.

–Well…that car was a 2008 Dodge Charger that belonged to 42-year-old Maria McCormack from Old Bridge, New Jersey, and she let her husband drive it into New York City for his job.

–And she’s MAD.  Because, sure, she saved a guy’s life…but she LOVED that car.

–Quote, “I miss it.  It’s my baby.  I want to meet [Thomas] and say, ‘Why?  Why my car out of all the cars in the city?’”

–The car was basically destroyed by Thomas’s fall…at one point he was falling at more than 126 miles-per-hour…and Maria’s insurance company is going to rule it a total loss.

–Thomas is still in the hospital.

INFINITE WISDOM

An angel appeared at a faculty meeting and told the dean of a college that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord would reward him….his choice of…infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selected infinite wisdom.

Done!” said the angel and disappeared in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Then all heads turned toward the dean who sat surrounded by a faint halo of light. He seemed stunned and shocked as a cloud of silence encompassed the room.

One of his colleagues leaned over and whispered to him, “Say something.”

The dean, now filled with infinite wisdom said, “I should have taken the money.”

TIGER WOODS IS SPENDING MONEY LIKE IT’S GOING OUT OF STYLE

TIGER WOODS may not be at the top of his game, but is still spending money like it’s going out of style.

–TMZ.com reports the philandering golfer took out a 54-million-dollar mortgage for a new property on Jupiter Island, Florida.  It’s a short-term loan, legal documents claim he’ll pay off the note in early 2016. –Tiger’s new bachelor pad sounds pretty posh –it boasts a fitness center, tennis court, multiple pools and even an oxygen therapy room.

PARIS HILTON OWNS A PURSE JUST LIKE THE ONE SHE TOLD POLICE WASN’T HERS:

When cocaine fell out of PARIS HILTON’S purse and into the hands of a Las Vegas Police officer, Paris told the cop that the coke…and the purse…weren’t hers.

–But back in July, Paris Tweeted about an awesome new Chanel purse she’d just bought.  She also posted a picture of it.

–And wouldn’t you know…it happens to look EXACTLY LIKE the one she was carrying in Vegas last Friday.  (–Here’s a picture Paris Tweeted of her Chanel purse a month and a half ago…along with a picture from Paris’ arrest, in which it looks like she MIGHT be holding the same purse . . .)

JENNIFER LOPEZ’S “AMERICAN IDOL” DEAL IS, QUOTE, “IMMINENT”:

On July 30th, it sounded like a DONE DEAL that JENNIFER LOPEZ would replace ELLEN DEGENERES on “American Idol”.

–Since then, we’ve run the gamut:

–She’s in…maybe she’s not in…she’s in again…no one is in…she’s out because she’s SUCH A DIVA…and on and on and on.

–TMZ is now in Week Five of covering…whatever this is…and they’re reporting that Jennifer’s “Idol” deal is, quote, “imminent.”

–Supposedly, she’s in the “final stages” of negotiations…and it’s “all but a done deal”…and that unless there’s a “last-minute snag,” the deal could be closed by early next week.

(–”American Idol” will likely officially announce all their judges sometime next week.)

STUPID ALASKAN TRICKS

In the Alaskan tundra, sled dogs aren’t just for sledding anymore.

–A nine-year-old girl was spotted water-skiing while being pulled by a dog-team. The girl was in the water, while the dogs pulled her from the nearby shoreline.

–The spectacle took place as part of a local event known as Stupid Alaskan Tricks.  Other tricks included Alaskan muktuk speed-eating and a guy who sliced a wooden bust of SARAH PALIN in half with a chainsaw.

–But, probably the stupidest Alaskan trick of all was performed by a film crew.  They caught the entire event on camera and now they hope to sell the show to a major network.

A MAN IN NEW YORK JUMPS OFF A 39-STORY BUILDING…LANDS ON A CAR…AND SURVIVES:

Apparently, God has big plans for 22-year-old Thomas Magill of Manhattan, New York.

–On Monday, Thomas jumped off a 39-story high rise in Manhattan.  By the time he was close to the ground he was falling at 126 miles-per-hour.  And…HE SURVIVED.

–A 40-year-old named Guy McCormack had just parked his wife’s Dodge Charger right in front of the building.  So Thomas didn’t hit the pavement…he crashed through the back windshield of the Charger and landed in the backseat instead.

–And thanks to the Charger, he didn’t die.  In fact, all things considered, he got out of there cheap…with only a broken leg, a shattered ankle and a collapsed lung.  He’s in critical condition, but it looks like he’s going to pull through.

–Apparently, he had posted something on Facebook beforehand saying, quote, “I hate my life”…so it looks like it was a suicide attempt.

(–Here are some photos of the Dodge Charger from the scene . . .)

MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE THROWING SEX PARTIES!  DOESN’T SOUND VERY “FAMILY FRIENDLY” DOES IT?  BUT IT IS!  FIND OUT IN 15 MINUTES!

When we saw a story today that says more and more young couples around the U.S. are throwing SEX PARTIES, we got excited.  Then disappointed, when we found out the truth.

–These new “sex parties” are when expectant parents invite a bunch of people over to announce the gender of their baby.  Usually, even THEY don’t know the sex beforehand…and open the envelope to find out in front of everyone.

(–Sounds like an excuse to either get even MORE gifts for your baby.)

EERIE PICTURES OF FAMOUS PEOPLE:  JULIA ROBERTS DOESN’T SHAVE HER PITS:

Some bikini shots of Julia Roberts hit the web yesterday, and for a woman in her 40’s, she looks great.  Except for the fact that she doesn’t shave her arm pits.   (–This isn’t the first time Julia has gone without shaving her armpits.  Check out the bikini pic, plus an old shot of Julia with hairy pits from 1999 . . .)

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JERRY LEWIS WANTS TO PUNCH LINDSAY LOHAN IN THE MOUTH:

JERRY LEWIS is a bona fide Hollywood legend.  So perhaps it’s time to turn to him for advice on how to handle LINDSAY LOHAN, PARIS HILTON and the rest of their kind.

–Jerry…who’s 84 years old…has the solution.

–He says, quote, “I would smack [Lindsay] in the mouth if I saw her…I would say, ‘You deserve this and nothing else;  whack!’  And then if she’s not satisfied, I’d put her over my knee and spank her.

–”The same thing with Paris Hilton.  Those children are begging for help.  What they’re doing is saying…’Can you please help me?’  When people who have celebrity give nothing in return, they need a spanking and a reprimand.”

PARIS HILTON IS BANNED FROM THE WYNN PROPERTIES:

PARIS HILTON has been BANNED from the Wynn properties in Las Vegas.  Wynn has two resorts…The Wynn Las Vegas and Encore.

–Paris’ boyfriend, Cy Waits, WAS the head of nightclub operations for both joints.  But he was FIRED after he and Paris were arrested on the Las Vegas Strip last Friday night.

(–Waits was booked on suspicion of DUI, but he hasn’t actually been charged yet.  Paris was charged with FELONY cocaine possession.)

–Meanwhile…“USA Today” says that a cop who searched the Escalade that Paris and Cy were in that night found a SPENT DOOBIE.

WOMEN TALK MORE THAN MEN

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day – thirty thousand compared with a man’s fifteen thousand.

The wife replied, “The reason has to be because a woman has to say everything twice.”

The husband turned to her and asked, “What?”

Every Wednesday at 8:40, Guardian Angel Pet Rescue joins the Mike and Mandy show to showcase a special animal that needs a good home.

This week’s featured pets are Jessie and Jennie.

Jessie and Jennie are two 5-6 year old Chiweenies. They were put in a dropbox at a Shelter in Louisiana and they contacted us and asked if we could help them. They are adorable! They are both a chocolate brown color with Jennie being the lighter one. We are assuming they have always been together – siblings or a breeding pair or both. So, we will be adopting them together. They MUST go as a pair and would prefer they be the only dogs and go to a home with no small children. They are not bad with children, but we just prefer children to be at least over 12. They both have wonderful temperaments, little boy can be a little territorial with other small male dogs. They are heartworm negative, up-to-date on vaccinations, and both have been altered. They are crate-trained and housebroken.

If you would like to adopt this week’s dog…please click here to fill out an electronic adoption form.

For more information on Guardian Angel Pet Rescue, please visit their website by clicking here.

A TEENAGER’S BIKE IS STOLEN…WHILE *HE* TRIES TO SELL A STOLEN VIOLIN:

It’s rare that you see justice being served SO quickly…like this.  Last Thursday, two 17-year-olds from Santa Cruz, California, broke into a car and stole a violin.  Their names haven’t been released because they’re juveniles.

–They took the stolen bike over to a music shop to try to sell it.  Employees there got suspicious and called the police.

–The police came to the store and, while they were arresting the boys, that’s when INSTANT KARMA kicked in…and one of the guys’ bikes was STOLEN from outside.  The violin was returned to its owner…but the stolen bike wasn’t found.

STUPID CRIMINALS!!

Our STUPID CRIMINAL is also a nominee for Eligible Bachelor of the Month.  (–I kid.)

–After getting arrested for choking a woman, 32-year-old JANUSZ OWCA, used his one call while in custody to phone her and threaten to kill her.

–AND he was already on probation for a domestic violence conviction last month.

(STUPID CRIMINALS!)

–Mr Sauve is being held on $350-thousand bail.

A GOLFER HITS ONE BAD CHIP SHOT…AND STARTS A 12-ACRE BRUSH FIRE:

No matter how bad your golf game is at least your lack of skills has never led to THIS.

–Over the weekend, a golfer at the Shady Canyon Golf Course in Irvine, California, was trying to chip his ball out of the rough…and his swing ended up starting a 12-ACRE BRUSH FIRE.

–The golfer…whose name wasn’t released…accidentally hit a rock as he tried to chip his ball out of some dry brush and grass.  The club hitting the rock caused a spark, which ignited the brush…and set TWO whole hillsides on fire.

–Between 150 and 200 firefighters were called in, and helicopters and fire crews on the ground used thousands of gallons of water to put out the fire in about seven hours.

–There was no property damage or injuries reported and it doesn’t appear that the golfer will be held responsible for the fire.

Bad relationships

Two women were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives.

One said, “Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds.”

“Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend.

“Oh! Not yet.” the first replied, “I’d like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first.”

SNOOKI SAID NO TO HER BOYFRIEND’S MAGAZINE COVER MARRIAGE PROPOSAL:

Jeff Miranda has been rejected.  Publicly.  But that’s what you get for proposing to your girlfriend on the cover of a national magazine.

–SNOOKI has decided NOT to marry Jeff, after he proposed in “Steppin’ Out” magazine.

–She posted the following yesterday on Twitter . . . quote, “Just want to set the record straight.  I’m single and I’m not going to get married.”

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WHAT ARE THE REAL CHANCES MICHAEL DOUGLAS WILL BEAT THROAT CANCER??

In a new interview with “People” magazine, MICHAEL DOUGLAS says, quote, “I’ll beat this” . . . referring, of course, to his throat cancer.

–Michael will undergo eight weeks of radiation and chemotherapy . . . (–he’s already completed his first week) . . . and doctors have said they expect him to make a full recovery.

–But he probably won’t be available to help promote the “Wall Street” sequel, “Wall Street:  Money Never Sleeps”.

(–It hits theaters on September 24th.)

–Meanwhile, on last night’s “Letterman”, Michael admitted that the cancer is at STAGE 4 . . . which is bad.  But it hasn’t spread down below his throat, which is good.  He claims he has an 80% chance of recovery.

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TROY POLAMALU’S HAIR HAS BEEN INSURED FOR $1 MILLION:

The long, luxurious locks of Pittsburgh Steelers safety TROY POLAMALU have their very own insurance policy.  Literally.

–As you probably know, Troy is a spokesman for Head & Shoulders.  Well, the company has taken out a $1 MILLION policy on Troy’s hair… just in case something should happen to it during the season.

–Head & Shoulders says that Troy’s sexy hair is so thick that it’s strong enough to hold 24,062 pounds… and if you laid it out end-to-end it would span 1,100 football fields.

(–Troy hasn’t cut his hair in SEVEN YEARS.  For those of you who may not have seen it, here’s a look at Troy’s unstoppable hair outside his helmet…)

A SUBWAY CONDUCTOR MANAGES TO STOP THE TRAIN AFTER HE SPOTS A WOMAN ON THE TRACKS:

36-year-old Francis “Frankie” Lusk is a subway motorman in New York City.  On Saturday morning, he was approaching a stop in Manhattan when he spotted something on the tracks.  It turned out to be a WOMAN.

–She’d fallen on the tracks.  She wasn’t moving.  And he had to try to bring his 370-ton subway train to a stop before it RAN HER OVER and killed her.

–He jammed on the brakes, and somehow managed to get the train to a standstill less than 70 feet before the woman.  Then he radioed for help… had the electricity shut off on the tracks… hopped out… and attended to the woman.

–Then he stayed with her until EMTs could take her to the hospital.  Her name hasn’t been released, and the reason she fell onto the tracks hasn’t been released either.

–After she was taken, Frankie got back in his car and finished up his shift.

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IMAGINE BEING TOLD IN MIDAIR THAT YOUR PLANE IS ABOUT TO CRASH!

British Airways has apologized to passengers after an emergency message warning they were about to crash into the sea was played by mistake.
–About 275 passengers were on the London to Hong Kong flight last week when the automated message went out. The plane was flying over the North Sea at the time.
–The cabin crew quickly realized the error and moved to reassure the terrified passengers and the flight continued on schedule.
–Various British media outlets caught the thoughts of passengers: “We all thought we were going to die,” said one. Said another: “I can’t think of anything worse than being told your plane’s about to crash.”
–The airline is investigating the error.
(–You are now free to change your underwear.)

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A JUROR IN DETROIT COULD GO TO JAIL HERSELF… FOR POSTING THE JURY VERDICT ON FACEBOOK BEFORE THE TRIAL WAS OVER:

–20-year-old Hadley Johns of Warren, Michigan, could go to JAIL because of a Facebook status update.

–Earlier this month, Hadley was serving on a jury in Detroit for a resisting arrest case.  Back on the 11th, she posted on Facebook that it was, quote, “gonna be fun to tell the defendant they’re guilty.”  The problem?  The trial wasn’t over yet.

–The defense lawyer in the case found out about the posting when his son was Googling the various jurors… and he told the judge.  And now, it looks like Hadley could be found in contempt of court.

–As for the resisting arrest case, the prosecutors ended up dismissing the case when the jury… including Hadley’s replacement… couldn’t reach a unanimous verdict.  So the defendant wasn’t guilty after all.

Baptizing A Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”

“Yes I am” replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, “Brother have you found Jesus?”

The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t.” The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?”

The drunk again answers, “No, I have not found Jesus.”

By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

Here’s the hottest selling mask this Halloween.  Click on the photo to buy…

A WOMAN TRIED TO SMUGGLE A BABY TIGER OUT OF THAILAND BY PUTTING IT IN A SUITCASE WITH A STUFFED TOY TIGER:

–Last week, 31-year-old Piyawan Palasarn of Bangkok, Thailand, was busted trying to smuggle a baby tiger cub out of the country . . . by flying to IRAN and checking the tiger in her suitcase.

–To get away with it, she drugged him so he wouldn’t move a lot . . . and put a stuffed TOY tiger in the suitcase with him.

–But her suitcase was overweight, and officials at the airport in Bangkok decided to X-ray it to see what was going on.  And obviously, the X-ray showed a live animal moving around inside.

–Piyawan could get up to four years in prison for wildlife smuggling.

–She was trying to smuggle the tiger to Iran, where it could’ve pulled in $3,200 on the black market.  Turns out exotic pets are really popular in Iran.

–The cup was taken to a wildlife preserve in Bangkok where he’s recovering.

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THE POWER OF GOD!

The power of Christ compelled this would-be robber to turn around and walk away.

–The armed robber burst into a crafts boutique in Frisco, Texas, waving a gun and demanding money. But shopkeeper Marian Chadwick used divine intervention to drive him from the store.  She pointed her finger at the robber and said, “In the name of Jesus, you get out of my store.  I bind you by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

–The criminal obeyed.  He slowly backed away and fled the store empty-handed. Praise the Lord!

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EVER WONDER WHY OVERHEARING A STRANGER’S CELL PHONE CONVERSATION IS SO ANNOYING???

Now, researchers at Cornell University think they know WHY it’s so annoying.

–They say it’s because only hearing half a conversation requires more attention and concentration than when two people are talking, which is draining.  And it’s also harder to divert our attention away from conversations where we only hear one side.

–Put another way, hearing only half a conversation feels like WORK that’s been thrust upon you by a random stranger.

–According to the researchers, overhearing cell phone conversations can make it more difficult to do lots of stuff in our daily lives, including driving.

–That means if a passenger in your car is chatting on their cell phone, it actually makes it more difficult for you to concentrate on the road.

PARIS HILTON HAS BEEN ARRESTED FOR COCAINE POSSESSION:

PARIS HILTON was arrested in Las Vegas Friday night for COCAINE POSSESSION.

–Police pulled over a black Escalade on the Las Vegas strip shortly before midnight, after they saw what they thought was POT SMOKE billowing out of the windows.

–Paris was inside the car, and her boyfriend Cy Waits was driving.  Police allegedly found cocaine in Paris’ purse, and hauled her in on a possession charge.  Cy was booked for DUI.

–Not surprisingly, Paris’ attorney is trying to downplay her arrest.

–He says, quote, “This matter will be dealt with in the courts, not in the media, and I encourage people not to rush to judgment until all of the facts have been dealt with in a court of law.”  (–Here’s Paris Hilton’s mugshot, in which she doesn’t appear the least bit worried . . .)

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PARIS’ GUN-WIELDING BEAU TO THE RESCUE!

TMZ is reporting that Paris Hilton’s latest boyfriend Cy Waits was at her house last week when a man tried to break in holding two knives, and Cy helped keep him out.

–According to law enforcement, after hearing noises coming from downstairs, Cy spotted Nathan Parada at the window with a large kitchen knife and a buck hunting knife and pulled a gun on him before he could get inside the home.

–Cy went outside and ordered Parada to drop the knives and lay on the ground, and kept him subdued until the cops came and arrested him.

–Parada told cops that hours before the incident he purchased a Star Map in order to find Paris’ home.

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THE SITUATION’S DANCING PROBLEM!

The Situation may have a little trouble Dancing with the Stars.

–Sources say scheduling conflicts with the last days of Jersey Shore tapings could give him significantly less time to practice for the show.  TMZ reports that the DWTS contestants will begin rehearsing today, but Jersey Shore is scheduled to tape until at least September 8th.

–ABC officially announces the “Dancing With the Stars” cast tonight.  The show is set to premiere on September 20th.

A MAN SWIMS ACROSS MONTEREY BAY TO RAISE AWARENESS OF THE FRAGILE STATE OF ITS SEA CREATURES . . . AND GETS MAULED BY JELLYFISH:

On Tuesday, 44-year-old Bruckner Chase of Santa Cruz, California, went on a 14-hour, 25-mile swim across Monterey Bay in California.  His goal was to raise awareness of the FRAGILE state of the sea creatures in the bay.

–Unfortunately for him, some of those sea creatures didn’t get the memo that they were supposed to be fragile.

–As Bruckner swam, he was MAULED by jellyfish.  They stung him and left huge, painful welts everywhere that wasn’t protected by his wetsuit:  On his neck, his face, his feet, his hands . . . and even the inside of his mouth and on his TONGUE.

–He says that with every stroke he took, he was basically trying to plow through a wall of jellyfish.  And, quote, “had I not been in a wetsuit, I would not have been able to survive.”

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DOCTORS REMOVE THE WORLD’S LARGEST TUMOR . . . A 51 POUNDER . . . FROM A WOMAN IN ARGENTINA

This is INSANE.  Doctors in Buenos Aires, Argentina, just removed the WORLD’S LARGEST TUMOR from a 54-year-old woman’s womb.  How large?  Try FIFTY-ONE POUNDS.

–The tumor was about the size of a large watermelon and had been growing inside of the woman for a year-and-a-half.  It was malignant, so it had to be removed . . . and took the team about four hours to get it out.

–The woman is currently recovering and is doing well.  (–Check out the photo of this INSANE tumor . . .but be careful if you have a problem with graphic material.  To me it looks like the doctor is holding up a 50-pound turkey that just came out of the oven.)

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ARE WE GOING TO END UP EATING THE 550 MILLION EGGS THAT WERE RECALLED????

If you somehow haven’t heard, more than 550 MILLION eggs have been recalled because they were at a high risk of being tainted with salmonella.  Today, we found out what’s going to happen to all those eggs.  You’re going to end up eating them.

–According to the FDA, the eggs are going to be pasteurized, which kills the salmonella.  And then, they’re going to be turned into liquid eggs and used by companies to make cookies, cakes, egg substitute, pet food and more.

–So, yeah, we all WILL end up eating the recalled eggs . . . we just won’t know it.

DRUNK DRIVER

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”

“Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.”

“Alright, we could get a blood sample.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.”

“Fine then, just walk this white line.”

“Can’t do that either, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m drunk.”

A THIEF WAS BUSTED FOR STEALING A FAMILY’S BAG…AFTER THEY SPOTTED HIM DOING IT IN THE BACKGROUND OF ONE OF THEIR PHOTOS:

Over the weekend, the Myers family from Bloomfield, New Jersey, was in Madison, Wisconsin, for a wedding.  On Saturday afternoon, around 2:45 P.M., the family posed in front of the Wisconsin state capitol building for a photo.

–And while the family posed for their nice family photo…someone STOLE THEIR BAG.

–They were REALLY upset…until they looked at the photo, and noticed a stranger in the background, stealing their bag DURING the photo.

–They called the police and showed them the photo, and the cops recognized the guy as a homeless man who loiters around the capitol building.

–The cops caught up with him a few blocks away.

–He told them he thought the bag was abandoned…although that story doesn’t REALLY hold up, because there was a wallet, cash, credit cards, you know…stuff that people don’t normally abandon.

–The Myers family got their bag back and Glenn was charged with misdemeanor theft.

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WHILE THE COPS TAKE A MAN’S REPORT ON HIS STOLEN CAR, THE CAR THIEF DRIVES BY IN THE CAR, BLASTING MUSIC!  YES GET READY FOR STUPID CRIMINALS!

On Monday morning, Sergio Vial of Allentown, Pennsylvania, called the police after he went outside to get in his car, and discovered it was missing.

–The cops went to his place to take his report.  And as they stood outside, getting the details from Sergio…they spotted his car.

–The thief happened to be driving the car down that street at that moment, with the windows down, BLASTING MUSIC.

–The police stopped him.  He turned out to be 39-year-old Preston Renninger, and he told them his friend had lent him the car.

–Preston was charged with receiving stolen property.

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CAREFUL LADIES, LOW RIDING SHORTS COULD LAND YOU IN JAIL

A woman in New Orleans has been thrown in jail ’cause her low-riding shorts were too revealing.
–23-year-old KIMBERLY SENETTE was in a courtroom with her brother, who was charged with carjacking.
–Kimberly wasn’t on trial herself.  But, Judge STEVEN WINDHORST took one look at her revealing outfit and charged her with contempt of court.  Kimberly was apparently decked out in low-hanging shorts and high-riding thong underwear.
–But, it wasn’t long before Kimberly changed clothes.  In fact, she spent the next 10-days in standard-issue prison garb.

­(And yet, Snooki is a a free woman.)

ELIN NORDEGREN TELLS “PEOPLE” MAGAZINE SHE DID *NOT* HIT TIGER LAST THANKSGIVING:

This week’s issue of “People” magazine contains the very first interview with ELIN NORDEGREN since the CHAOS that erupted in her home last Thanksgiving.

–And I’ll give you the money shot first:  Elin says she did NOT hit TIGER WOODS the night he tried to peel out of their driveway, and ended up hitting a fire hydrant and a tree.

–Elin also drops this pretty obvious statement…quote, “I’ve been through hell.”

–Elin admits she didn’t have a clue about Tiger’s affairs.  She says, quote, “I felt stupid as more things were revealed…how could I not have known anything?  The word betrayal isn’t strong enough.  I felt like my whole world had fallen apart.”

–One thing Elin is sure of now is that the marriage is OVER.  And she assumes it’ll be a while before she can start dating again.

HERE ARE LINDSAY LOHAN’S NEW RULES:

At LINDSAY LOHAN’S hearing yesterday, Judge Elden Fox laid out the conditions for her outpatient treatment.

–Between now and a progress hearing on November 1st, Lindsay has to remain in California, and keep Los Angeles as her primary residence.

–She also has to undergo psychiatric treatment AT LEAST four times a week.

–She has to attend some kind of dependency meeting…like Alcohol Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous…at least five times a week.

–She must contact a chemical dependency counselor at least SEVEN times a week.

–She has to attend behavioral therapy twice a week.

–And she will be randomly tested for drugs and alcohol twice a week.  And she’s not allowed to miss a single test.

–If Lindsay flakes on ANY of these terms, she gets sent back to the pen for 30 days.  (–Or 14 days.  However long they feel like keeping her.)

SANDRA BULLOCK WILL GIVE A TV INTERVIEW NEXT WEEK:

MATT LAUER will interview SANDRA BULLOCK on the “Today” show next Tuesday.  It’ll be Sandra’s first televised interview since she split from JESSE JAMES and announced that she’d adopted a baby boy.

(–News of Jesse James’ infidelity…and he and Sandra’s subsequent split…broke back in March, just weeks after she took home her first Academy Award.)