Mike and Mandy In The Morning!

WHO’S THE HIGHEST-PAID ATHLETE EVER…JORDAN?  TIGER?  OR A SECOND CENTURY ROMAN CHARIOT RACER?

–Peter Struck is an associate professor of classical studies at the University of Pennsylvania, and he says he’s figured out the richest athlete ever.  And it’s not TIGER WOODS, MICHAEL JORDAN…or anyone you’ve ever heard of.

–No, the richest athlete ever is…a Roman chariot racer named Gaius Appuleius Diocles.  (–That would be “GUY-us  Ah-POO-lee-us  DIE-ah-klees”.)

–Between 122 and 164 A.D., Gaius was the best charioteer in the world.  Ancient records have shown that his career winnings…measured in ancient Roman coins…comes to 35,863,120 sesterces (–SESS-turr-seez.)

–Struck says, quote, “By today’s standards that…would cash out to about $15 BILLION.”

–It would’ve been enough money to provide grain to the entire population of Rome for a full year, or fund the gigantic Roman Army for more than two months.

THE AVERAGE MAN WASTES $3,000 IN GAS IN HIS LIFETIME BY NOT ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS:

I thought that old stereotype that men never ask for directions was obsolete…with GPS?  Apparently guys, you’re not QUITE there yet.

–A survey by a British insurance company found that the average man drives around lost for 276 miles every YEAR.  And, over the course of his lifetime, he wastes $3,000 in gas by refusing to ask for directions.

–The survey found that 74% of women will happily ask for directions when they’re lost, versus just 30% of men.

–40% of men say that if they do give in and ask a stranger for directions, sometimes they ignore those directions and just keep on driving anyway.

FOLLOW-UP:  THE WOMAN WHOSE CAR BROKE A MAN’S 39-STORY FALL AND SAVED HIS LIFE…IS DEVASTATED THAT HER CAR IS RUINED:

Yesterday, we told you about 22-year-old Thomas McGill of Manhattan.  He’s the guy who allegedly tried to commit suicide by jumping off a 39-STORY high rise…but ended up crashing through a car on the street and SURVIVING.

–Well…that car was a 2008 Dodge Charger that belonged to 42-year-old Maria McCormack from Old Bridge, New Jersey, and she let her husband drive it into New York City for his job.

–And she’s MAD.  Because, sure, she saved a guy’s life…but she LOVED that car.

–Quote, “I miss it.  It’s my baby.  I want to meet [Thomas] and say, ‘Why?  Why my car out of all the cars in the city?’”

–The car was basically destroyed by Thomas’s fall…at one point he was falling at more than 126 miles-per-hour…and Maria’s insurance company is going to rule it a total loss.

–Thomas is still in the hospital.

STUPID ALASKAN TRICKS

In the Alaskan tundra, sled dogs aren’t just for sledding anymore.

–A nine-year-old girl was spotted water-skiing while being pulled by a dog-team. The girl was in the water, while the dogs pulled her from the nearby shoreline.

–The spectacle took place as part of a local event known as Stupid Alaskan Tricks.  Other tricks included Alaskan muktuk speed-eating and a guy who sliced a wooden bust of SARAH PALIN in half with a chainsaw.

–But, probably the stupidest Alaskan trick of all was performed by a film crew.  They caught the entire event on camera and now they hope to sell the show to a major network.

A MAN IN NEW YORK JUMPS OFF A 39-STORY BUILDING…LANDS ON A CAR…AND SURVIVES:

Apparently, God has big plans for 22-year-old Thomas Magill of Manhattan, New York.

–On Monday, Thomas jumped off a 39-story high rise in Manhattan.  By the time he was close to the ground he was falling at 126 miles-per-hour.  And…HE SURVIVED.

–A 40-year-old named Guy McCormack had just parked his wife’s Dodge Charger right in front of the building.  So Thomas didn’t hit the pavement…he crashed through the back windshield of the Charger and landed in the backseat instead.

–And thanks to the Charger, he didn’t die.  In fact, all things considered, he got out of there cheap…with only a broken leg, a shattered ankle and a collapsed lung.  He’s in critical condition, but it looks like he’s going to pull through.

–Apparently, he had posted something on Facebook beforehand saying, quote, “I hate my life”…so it looks like it was a suicide attempt.

(–Here are some photos of the Dodge Charger from the scene . . .)

MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE THROWING SEX PARTIES!  DOESN’T SOUND VERY “FAMILY FRIENDLY” DOES IT?  BUT IT IS!  FIND OUT IN 15 MINUTES!

When we saw a story today that says more and more young couples around the U.S. are throwing SEX PARTIES, we got excited.  Then disappointed, when we found out the truth.

–These new “sex parties” are when expectant parents invite a bunch of people over to announce the gender of their baby.  Usually, even THEY don’t know the sex beforehand…and open the envelope to find out in front of everyone.

(–Sounds like an excuse to either get even MORE gifts for your baby.)

A TEENAGER’S BIKE IS STOLEN…WHILE *HE* TRIES TO SELL A STOLEN VIOLIN:

It’s rare that you see justice being served SO quickly…like this.  Last Thursday, two 17-year-olds from Santa Cruz, California, broke into a car and stole a violin.  Their names haven’t been released because they’re juveniles.

–They took the stolen bike over to a music shop to try to sell it.  Employees there got suspicious and called the police.

–The police came to the store and, while they were arresting the boys, that’s when INSTANT KARMA kicked in…and one of the guys’ bikes was STOLEN from outside.  The violin was returned to its owner…but the stolen bike wasn’t found.

STUPID CRIMINALS!!

Our STUPID CRIMINAL is also a nominee for Eligible Bachelor of the Month.  (–I kid.)

–After getting arrested for choking a woman, 32-year-old JANUSZ OWCA, used his one call while in custody to phone her and threaten to kill her.

–AND he was already on probation for a domestic violence conviction last month.

(STUPID CRIMINALS!)

–Mr Sauve is being held on $350-thousand bail.

A GOLFER HITS ONE BAD CHIP SHOT…AND STARTS A 12-ACRE BRUSH FIRE:

No matter how bad your golf game is at least your lack of skills has never led to THIS.

–Over the weekend, a golfer at the Shady Canyon Golf Course in Irvine, California, was trying to chip his ball out of the rough…and his swing ended up starting a 12-ACRE BRUSH FIRE.

–The golfer…whose name wasn’t released…accidentally hit a rock as he tried to chip his ball out of some dry brush and grass.  The club hitting the rock caused a spark, which ignited the brush…and set TWO whole hillsides on fire.

–Between 150 and 200 firefighters were called in, and helicopters and fire crews on the ground used thousands of gallons of water to put out the fire in about seven hours.

–There was no property damage or injuries reported and it doesn’t appear that the golfer will be held responsible for the fire.

A SUBWAY CONDUCTOR MANAGES TO STOP THE TRAIN AFTER HE SPOTS A WOMAN ON THE TRACKS:

36-year-old Francis “Frankie” Lusk is a subway motorman in New York City.  On Saturday morning, he was approaching a stop in Manhattan when he spotted something on the tracks.  It turned out to be a WOMAN.

–She’d fallen on the tracks.  She wasn’t moving.  And he had to try to bring his 370-ton subway train to a stop before it RAN HER OVER and killed her.

–He jammed on the brakes, and somehow managed to get the train to a standstill less than 70 feet before the woman.  Then he radioed for help… had the electricity shut off on the tracks… hopped out… and attended to the woman.

–Then he stayed with her until EMTs could take her to the hospital.  Her name hasn’t been released, and the reason she fell onto the tracks hasn’t been released either.

–After she was taken, Frankie got back in his car and finished up his shift.

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IMAGINE BEING TOLD IN MIDAIR THAT YOUR PLANE IS ABOUT TO CRASH!

British Airways has apologized to passengers after an emergency message warning they were about to crash into the sea was played by mistake.
–About 275 passengers were on the London to Hong Kong flight last week when the automated message went out. The plane was flying over the North Sea at the time.
–The cabin crew quickly realized the error and moved to reassure the terrified passengers and the flight continued on schedule.
–Various British media outlets caught the thoughts of passengers: “We all thought we were going to die,” said one. Said another: “I can’t think of anything worse than being told your plane’s about to crash.”
–The airline is investigating the error.
(–You are now free to change your underwear.)

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A JUROR IN DETROIT COULD GO TO JAIL HERSELF… FOR POSTING THE JURY VERDICT ON FACEBOOK BEFORE THE TRIAL WAS OVER:

–20-year-old Hadley Johns of Warren, Michigan, could go to JAIL because of a Facebook status update.

–Earlier this month, Hadley was serving on a jury in Detroit for a resisting arrest case.  Back on the 11th, she posted on Facebook that it was, quote, “gonna be fun to tell the defendant they’re guilty.”  The problem?  The trial wasn’t over yet.

–The defense lawyer in the case found out about the posting when his son was Googling the various jurors… and he told the judge.  And now, it looks like Hadley could be found in contempt of court.

–As for the resisting arrest case, the prosecutors ended up dismissing the case when the jury… including Hadley’s replacement… couldn’t reach a unanimous verdict.  So the defendant wasn’t guilty after all.

A WOMAN TRIED TO SMUGGLE A BABY TIGER OUT OF THAILAND BY PUTTING IT IN A SUITCASE WITH A STUFFED TOY TIGER:

–Last week, 31-year-old Piyawan Palasarn of Bangkok, Thailand, was busted trying to smuggle a baby tiger cub out of the country . . . by flying to IRAN and checking the tiger in her suitcase.

–To get away with it, she drugged him so he wouldn’t move a lot . . . and put a stuffed TOY tiger in the suitcase with him.

–But her suitcase was overweight, and officials at the airport in Bangkok decided to X-ray it to see what was going on.  And obviously, the X-ray showed a live animal moving around inside.

–Piyawan could get up to four years in prison for wildlife smuggling.

–She was trying to smuggle the tiger to Iran, where it could’ve pulled in $3,200 on the black market.  Turns out exotic pets are really popular in Iran.

–The cup was taken to a wildlife preserve in Bangkok where he’s recovering.

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THE POWER OF GOD!

The power of Christ compelled this would-be robber to turn around and walk away.

–The armed robber burst into a crafts boutique in Frisco, Texas, waving a gun and demanding money. But shopkeeper Marian Chadwick used divine intervention to drive him from the store.  She pointed her finger at the robber and said, “In the name of Jesus, you get out of my store.  I bind you by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

–The criminal obeyed.  He slowly backed away and fled the store empty-handed. Praise the Lord!

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EVER WONDER WHY OVERHEARING A STRANGER’S CELL PHONE CONVERSATION IS SO ANNOYING???

Now, researchers at Cornell University think they know WHY it’s so annoying.

–They say it’s because only hearing half a conversation requires more attention and concentration than when two people are talking, which is draining.  And it’s also harder to divert our attention away from conversations where we only hear one side.

–Put another way, hearing only half a conversation feels like WORK that’s been thrust upon you by a random stranger.

–According to the researchers, overhearing cell phone conversations can make it more difficult to do lots of stuff in our daily lives, including driving.

–That means if a passenger in your car is chatting on their cell phone, it actually makes it more difficult for you to concentrate on the road.

A MAN SWIMS ACROSS MONTEREY BAY TO RAISE AWARENESS OF THE FRAGILE STATE OF ITS SEA CREATURES . . . AND GETS MAULED BY JELLYFISH:

On Tuesday, 44-year-old Bruckner Chase of Santa Cruz, California, went on a 14-hour, 25-mile swim across Monterey Bay in California.  His goal was to raise awareness of the FRAGILE state of the sea creatures in the bay.

–Unfortunately for him, some of those sea creatures didn’t get the memo that they were supposed to be fragile.

–As Bruckner swam, he was MAULED by jellyfish.  They stung him and left huge, painful welts everywhere that wasn’t protected by his wetsuit:  On his neck, his face, his feet, his hands . . . and even the inside of his mouth and on his TONGUE.

–He says that with every stroke he took, he was basically trying to plow through a wall of jellyfish.  And, quote, “had I not been in a wetsuit, I would not have been able to survive.”

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DOCTORS REMOVE THE WORLD’S LARGEST TUMOR . . . A 51 POUNDER . . . FROM A WOMAN IN ARGENTINA

This is INSANE.  Doctors in Buenos Aires, Argentina, just removed the WORLD’S LARGEST TUMOR from a 54-year-old woman’s womb.  How large?  Try FIFTY-ONE POUNDS.

–The tumor was about the size of a large watermelon and had been growing inside of the woman for a year-and-a-half.  It was malignant, so it had to be removed . . . and took the team about four hours to get it out.

–The woman is currently recovering and is doing well.  (–Check out the photo of this INSANE tumor . . .but be careful if you have a problem with graphic material.  To me it looks like the doctor is holding up a 50-pound turkey that just came out of the oven.)

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ARE WE GOING TO END UP EATING THE 550 MILLION EGGS THAT WERE RECALLED????

If you somehow haven’t heard, more than 550 MILLION eggs have been recalled because they were at a high risk of being tainted with salmonella.  Today, we found out what’s going to happen to all those eggs.  You’re going to end up eating them.

–According to the FDA, the eggs are going to be pasteurized, which kills the salmonella.  And then, they’re going to be turned into liquid eggs and used by companies to make cookies, cakes, egg substitute, pet food and more.

–So, yeah, we all WILL end up eating the recalled eggs . . . we just won’t know it.

A THIEF WAS BUSTED FOR STEALING A FAMILY’S BAG…AFTER THEY SPOTTED HIM DOING IT IN THE BACKGROUND OF ONE OF THEIR PHOTOS:

Over the weekend, the Myers family from Bloomfield, New Jersey, was in Madison, Wisconsin, for a wedding.  On Saturday afternoon, around 2:45 P.M., the family posed in front of the Wisconsin state capitol building for a photo.

–And while the family posed for their nice family photo…someone STOLE THEIR BAG.

–They were REALLY upset…until they looked at the photo, and noticed a stranger in the background, stealing their bag DURING the photo.

–They called the police and showed them the photo, and the cops recognized the guy as a homeless man who loiters around the capitol building.

–The cops caught up with him a few blocks away.

–He told them he thought the bag was abandoned…although that story doesn’t REALLY hold up, because there was a wallet, cash, credit cards, you know…stuff that people don’t normally abandon.

–The Myers family got their bag back and Glenn was charged with misdemeanor theft.

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WHILE THE COPS TAKE A MAN’S REPORT ON HIS STOLEN CAR, THE CAR THIEF DRIVES BY IN THE CAR, BLASTING MUSIC!  YES GET READY FOR STUPID CRIMINALS!

On Monday morning, Sergio Vial of Allentown, Pennsylvania, called the police after he went outside to get in his car, and discovered it was missing.

–The cops went to his place to take his report.  And as they stood outside, getting the details from Sergio…they spotted his car.

–The thief happened to be driving the car down that street at that moment, with the windows down, BLASTING MUSIC.

–The police stopped him.  He turned out to be 39-year-old Preston Renninger, and he told them his friend had lent him the car.

–Preston was charged with receiving stolen property.

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CAREFUL LADIES, LOW RIDING SHORTS COULD LAND YOU IN JAIL

A woman in New Orleans has been thrown in jail ’cause her low-riding shorts were too revealing.
–23-year-old KIMBERLY SENETTE was in a courtroom with her brother, who was charged with carjacking.
–Kimberly wasn’t on trial herself.  But, Judge STEVEN WINDHORST took one look at her revealing outfit and charged her with contempt of court.  Kimberly was apparently decked out in low-hanging shorts and high-riding thong underwear.
–But, it wasn’t long before Kimberly changed clothes.  In fact, she spent the next 10-days in standard-issue prison garb.

­(And yet, Snooki is a a free woman.)

NEW JERSEY IS SPRAYING ITS LANDFILLS WITH A SPECIAL FRAGRANCE TO COVER UP THEIR HORRIBLE SMELL:

New Jersey is starting to smell WAY too much like trash.  And that’s not the setup to a “Jersey Shore” joke.  Literally, the state smells like garbage.

–It’s especially bad at the Middlesex County Landfill in East Brunswick, New Jersey.  More than 1,000 TONS of garbage is dumped there every day, and the people in the area say the smell has reached the point of being unbearable.

–So New Jersey decided to do what the people of New Jersey do when THEY smell bad:  Spray on some cologne or perfume.

–The Middlesex County Utilities Authority (MCUA) has started using a flatbed truck with nozzles attached to spray a special FRAGRANCE on the landfill.

–The director of the MCUA says, quote, “It has a pleasant, showery smell.  It’s a light scent.”

–So far the residents in nose-shot have given the plan mixed reviews. 

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EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE THE STUPID CRIMINALS PULL ONE OVER ON THE COPS

Boston police say a standoff with robbers holed up in an apartment finally ended –when they realized the building was completely empty.

–Dozens of police officers and a special operations team surrounded the building for four-hours. That’s because cops had received a tip that a pair of armed robbers were hiding out inside.  Residents were evacuated.  And, eventually cops busted into the apartment.

–That’s when they found out nobody was home.

–Now, they’re investigating whether the tip they received might have been false.

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A MAN DIDN’T NOTICE FOR FIVE YEARS THAT HE’D BEEN SHOT IN THE HEAD:

Earlier this week, a 35-year-old Polish guy living in Herne, Germany, went to the doctor thinking he had a cyst on the back of his head.

–When doctors did an X-ray, they discovered he didn’t have a cyst… he had a .22-caliber BULLET lodged in the back of his skull.  And it had been there for FIVE YEARS.

–The guy said he’d been at a New Year’s party five or six years ago, and felt a sharp pain in the back of his head.  But he was so intoxicated that he forgot about it the next day.  The doctors removed the bullet successfully.  (–Here’s the X-Ray…)

A BEIJING FREEWAY IS 10 DAYS INTO A TRAFFIC JAM . . . AND IT MAY NOT BE CLEARED UP FOR A FEW MORE WEEKS:

This is one of those things that would be earth-shattering news here in the U.S. . . . but just kinda makes sense in China.  Right now in Beijing, there are people who’ve been stuck in a 62-mile traffic jam FOR TEN DAYS.  With no end in sight.

–Chinese officials had to close one freeway because it had been so damaged that it was un-drivable.  That pushed all the traffic to another freeway, the Beijing-Tibet Expressway, on August 14th . . . and since then it’s been hopelessly jammed.

–According to officials, the traffic jam may not be fully cleared up until MID SEPTEMBER.  Local residents have been taking advantage of China’s new capitalism trend by selling noodles to stranded drivers . . . at inflated prices.

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A DRIVE-BY KIDNAPPING

Cops in Sweden responded to reports of a daring public kidnapping last weekend.

–Witnesses reported seeing several masked men drag a taxi driver from his car.  Then, they stuffed the guy in the trunk of another car and sped off.

–Police took the incident very seriously and spent several hours searching for the men.  But, when they finally tracked down the culprits, they found out the whole thing was a practical joke.

–It turns out it was the victim’s birthday and the masked thugs were just his friends.  Police have decided not to press charges.

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HOW MUCH DO YOU SUPPOSE THE WORLD’S MOST EXPENSIVE HOT DOG COSTS?

I could NEVER, EVER justify paying $69 for a hot dog.

–But a restaurant in New York called Serendipity 3 thinks people are willing to open their wallets for just about anything . . . so they’ve unveiled the WORLD’S MOST EXPENSIVE HOT DOG.  It costs $69 . . . not including tax and tip.

–The secret to jacking up the price?  FUNGUS AND GOOSE LIVER.  In other words, they take a foot-long hot dog and cover it with truffles and foie gras.  Then they serve it in a pretzel baguette that’s toasted in white truffle butter.

–And they serve it with Dijon mustard . . . accented with more truffles, naturally.

–Serendipity 3 is known for these kinds of stunts.  They’re also the home of the World’s Most Expensive Ice Cream Sundae . . . which is covered in gold flakes, is served in a gold goblet, and sells for $25,000.

STUPID CRIMINALS!!!

Today’s STUPID CRIMINAL is a bank robber in Eden, New York.  The police haven’t caught him yet…but since he didn’t end up getting any money, I don’t know how much of a priority he is.

–He’s been described as a black male in his 20s with a stocky build and a goatee.  The reason we know he’s got a goatee is also the reason we know he’s an IDIOT.

–The guy had one of those dust masks that construction workers use…and was planning on using it to cover his nose and mouth to hide his identity during the robbery.  Except he FORGOT.

–So he walked into the bank with the dust mask just hanging on his neck.

–He handed the teller a note, demanding money.  Then his phone rang.  He took the call…then grabbed the note back from the teller and ran out of the bank without any cash.

–The cops believe the caller was his getaway driver…who was calling to tell him his mask wasn’t on.  They think the caller also might’ve told him that the Eden police station was just a few FEET from the bank they were robbing.

–The police are still searching for the robber.

A WOMAN WHO GOT HER FIRST TATTOO AT AGE 99 GETS HER THIRD ONE…AT AGE 101:

A lot of people who don’t get tattoos say that they’ll hate having it PERMANENTLY on their body.  But if your body only has a couple of years left…why not let it fly, right?

–101-year-old Mimi Rosenthal of Spring Hill, Florida, just got her THIRD tattoo.

–She got her first one at age 99:  It’s a butterfly on her ankle about the size of a dime.

–She got her second one at age 100:  It’s a small flower on her other ankle.

–And now, at age 101, she got her third one…a sunflower on her left arm.

–Michelle Gallo-Kohlas is the tattoo artist who’s done all three of Mimi’s tattoos.  She says, quote, “Her skin is so fragile, it’s like uncharted territory.”

–Mimi says that if she does get a fourth tattoo at age 102, quote, “Next time I’m getting it on my butt.”

(–Here are a few photos of Mimi getting the sunflower tattoo . . .)

THE AVERAGE PERSON HAS BEEN WITH THEIR BANK LONGER THAN THEIR PARTNER:

Sure, your boyfriend or girlfriend is great and you can’t imagine life without them…but can they offer you free checking and no ATM fees?

–According to a new survey, most people have been loyal to their BANK longer than they’ve been loyal to their spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend.

–The average person has been with their bank for 16.5 years, and with their partner 14.1 years.  18% of people have even been with their bank for more than 30 years.  Only 7% of people have changed banks more than twice during the past decade.

A STOCKBROKER WHO STOLE $444,000 FROM CLIENTS HAS A CHANCE TO AVOID PRISON…IF HE CAN WIN BACK THE MONEY PLAYING POKER?

59-year-old Samuel McMaster Jr. of Albuquerque, New Mexico, is a former stockbroker who stole more than $444,000 from more than 20 clients to feed his gambling habit.  And while he’s clearly a lousy  gambler…he may’ve just won the legal lottery.

–For some mind-boggling reason, prosecutors are letting him stay out of prison for the next six months to participate in POKER TOURNAMENTS…so he can try to win enough money to pay all of his victims back.

–Samuel has to pay at least $7,500 back each month during this process.  If he misses payments, or doesn’t win back enough of the $400,000 by the end of the six months, he has to go do TWELVE YEARS in prison.

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A WOMAN CALLS 911 TO ASK FOR EMERGENCY HELP…BECAUSE THE POLICE WERE ARRESTING HER:

44-year-old Andrea Elliot of Eaton, Ohio doesn’t QUITE seem to grasp how 911 works.

–On Tuesday night, Andrea was out in public, intoxicated, and the police were called to the scene.  She got belligerent with them and they tried to arrest her.

–Well…as they struggled with her to get her cuffed, she used her free hand to take out her cell phone and call 911.  Her complaint?  She told the 911 operator she needed emergency help because the police were arresting her.

–She was charged with aggravated disorderly conduct…and making a false 911 call.

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THE GORILLA AT THE ZOO PLAYING WITH A KID’S NINTENDO DS!

–While visiting the San Francisco Zoo last week, a kid dropped his Nintendo DS into the exhibit and a gorilla named BAWANG picked it up and started playing with it.

–Soon, a baby gorilla named HANSAI came along to check it out but Bawang played keep-away, put the DS in his mouth and walked away.

–In the end, the child –who remains anonymous– got his game back when a zoo trainer lured the Bawang over and traded the game for an apple.  That’s S-O-P at many zoos since people drop things into gorilla pens all the time.

–The DS console had a little “GORILLA” slobber on it, but worked just fine.

A GUY SWALLOWED A PEA SEED…AND ACTUALLY HAD A PLANT GROWING INSIDE HIM:

Remember when you were a kid and you wanted to eat apple seeds, but your friends told you an apple tree would grow inside you if you did?  Yeah…something like that ACTUALLY HAPPENED in real life.  Earlier this year, 75-year-old Ron Svenden of Brewster, Massachusetts, was eating peas, and swallowed one of the seeds whole.  But it accidentally went down the wrong pipe, and into his lung.  He had no idea.  He started feeling sick, and doctors took X-rays and found that a PEA PLANT was GROWING inside his LUNG.  It had already gotten to be half-an-inch tall, which doesn’t sound like a lot…but when that’s inside your freaking LUNG, it’s huge.  The plant ended up making his lung COLLAPSE, so Doctors removed the plant, and Ron is now recovering.  Ron says he was just thrilled to find out it wasn’t cancer or a tumor…and, yes, he’s back to eating peas.    (–Here are some X-rays showing the peas growing in Ron’s lung.  Sadly, they aren’t that visually stunning…)

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YOU ORDER A DOZEN DONUTS AT THE DRIVE-THRU AND YOU GET A BOX OF DOUGH INSTEAD

I know we’ve heard it before, but it seems life will always test your moral ground.  Someone who bought a box of Krispy Kreme donuts in Fayetteville, NC, got dough instead of donuts.  The manager had put $5-thousand in cash in a donut box to make sure it wasn’t stolen.  A clerk accidentally handed over that box to a drive-thru customer. And we all know that honesty is best, but so far, no one’s come forward to exchange the dough for the donuts.

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STUPID CRIMINALS!!!

On Monday, 49-year-old Nathan Pugh walked into a Wells Fargo Bank in Dallas with the intention of robbing the place.  He didn’t have a gun, but he did have a white bag from the fast food restaurant Whataburger.  He walked up to the teller and slipped her a note.  It read, quote, “This is not a bag of food.  It is a bom.”  By the way, he spelled bomb “B-O-M.”  The teller got the sense that a guy who misspelled “bomb” might not be the most brilliant criminal mastermind…so she took a stab at OUTSMARTING him.  She told Nathan she’d need ID to give him money.  And he handed her his debit card.  She asked for a second form of ID.  He handed her his Texas state ID card…complete with his name and address.  When he saw cops in the entrance, he decided to take a HOSTAGE…and grabbed a woman holding a child.  Since he didn’t have a gun, just a fast food bag which may or may not have contained a b-o-m, she fought back…took him down…and held him for a second until the police grabbed him.  STUPID CRIMINALS!!

UPDATES ON THE JETBLUE FLIGHT ATTENDANT:  HE’S OUT OF JAIL…AND HE’S BECOMING A FOLK HERO:

Yesterday we told you about 38-year-old Steven Slater…he’s the JetBlue flight attendant who got pushed too far by a passenger and ended up CURSING her out, then pulling the emergency chute and sliding off the plane. Here are some updates:  HE’S OUT OF JAIL. Steven was charged with reckless endangerment, criminal mischief, and criminal trespass, and his bail was set at $2,500.  It was posted last night.  When he got out of jail in the Bronx, he was surrounded by photographers, cameramen, and reporters.  The woman who started the fight and caused Steven to throw away his career is still not being named by police or JetBlue.  According to almost every news report, the reaction across the Internet…from Twitter to message boards to Facebook…has been people sympathizing with Steven and calling him a HERO.  Steven’s next court hearing is set for September 21st.

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HE’S 7-YEAR-OLD AND HE’S ON PACE TO MAKE A MILLION BEFORE HE’S 9

A 7-year-old kid in England is making a name for himself in the art world.  KIERON WILLIAMSON is called the mini-MONET because his painting style resembles the French impressionist.  The kid is making tons of money too.  His latest collection of paintings just sold for 240-thousand bucks.  Kieron started painting two years ago.  Now, collectors are camping out near his gallery for a chance to see –and buy– his work.

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A GUY HITS A HOLE-IN-ONE FOR A FREE CAR BUT DOESN’T GET THE CAR??

A golfer got a tip from his caddy to use a different club on a “Hole-in-One Win a Car” hole at a golf tournament in Benton Harbor, Michigan.  The guy took the advice and said if I make it, you can have the car.  And then he made it!  He kept his word and he gave the 23-year-old caddy the Jeep Wrangler.

A JETBLUE FLIGHT ATTENDANT CURSES OUT A RUDE PASSENGER . . . THEN PULLS THE EMERGENCY CHUTE AND SLIDES OFF THE PLANE:

–Meet 38-year-old Steven Slater of New York, and he’s a flight attendant for JetBlue.  Yesterday afternoon, he was working on a flight from Pittsburgh to JFK airport in NYC.

–When the plane landed, Steven got into an argument with a female passenger, who stood up early to get her suitcase out of the overhead compartment . . . then SMACKED Steven with the bag when he told her to sit down.

–They argued.  It escalated.  Steven ended up getting on the intercom . . . cursing out the ENTIRE plane, especially the woman . . . then grabbing some BEERS . . . pulling the plane’s emergency inflatable chute . . . and sliding down onto the runway!

–After he got down the slide, he ran off into the terminal . . . and managed to escape from the airport before officers could find him.

–Police did finally catch up to him at his home and arrested him.  He could get up to seven years in prison.

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STUPID CRIMINALS

This is just an absurdly poor understanding of supply and demand:  There’s a 38-year-old guy who lives on the island of Corfu, in Greece.  His name hasn’t been released, but we do know that he wanted to become a firefighter.

–So his plan was to SET a bunch of fires . . . show the local officials their fire department was understaffed . . . and get them to hire more firefighters.

–But he was caught and charged with NINE counts of arson, for setting nine fires in two weeks.

–And getting caught and arrested wasn’t this guy’s only major FAIL.  Corfu’s firefighters were able to get to all nine fires and put them out before they caused any damage . . . so it looks like they don’t need to beef up the staff any time soon.  STUPID CRIMINALS!!

A DOG SEES ITS OWNER COLLAPSE, THEN GOES TO A NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE AND REFUSES TO LEAVE WITHOUT HELP:

–Charlie Burdon lives in Yamhill, Oregon.  Charlie recently had open heart surgery and just returned home.

–Last week, he was home alone . . . and COLLAPSED.  His 11-year-old dachshund Missy was in the house, and realized there was a problem.

–So she channeled her INNER LASSIE and left the house . . . ran over to a neighbor’s house . . . and REFUSED TO LEAVE until the neighbor walked home with her.

–The neighbor was Charles Mitchell.  He eventually went to Charlie’s house with Missy . . . and found Charlie on the floor.  He called 911 . . . and the paramedics rushed Charlie to the hospital.

–It turns out Charlie had suffered from a vertigo attack.  He’s recovering now from his fall.

A MAN IN SEATTLE DIES IN HIS CAR . . . AND GETS A PARKING TICKET

Last week in Seattle, a parking enforcement officer . . . whose name wasn’t released . . . saw a car parked in a two-hour spot for more than two hours.  When she went up to the car, she saw a guy inside, sitting behind the wheel.  She knocked on the window twice.  He didn’t wake up.  So she decided he was a sound sleeper, and gave him a $42 ticket.  About 40 minutes later, the man’s girlfriend found the car, with the ticket on the windshield.  Turns out, the guy wasn’t a sound sleeper . . . HE WAS DEAD.  He’s 36-year-old Derek Eldridge, and the police are still trying to figure out his cause of death.  According to a sergeant from the Seattle police, the officer who gave Derek the ticket did NOTHING WRONG.  Even though he didn’t wake up when she knocked, there was no reason for her to suspect he was dead.

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A FREAKY JOB INTERVIEW

A restaurant in China has an usual way of interviewing potential chefs.  More than fifteen applicants were asked to slice a melon on a woman’s stomach using a sharp knife.  To make the task more challenging, they were timed to see who could chop the fruit fastest without hurting the girl.  The winner was a man named Chef HU GUA, who did it in under a minute.  We heard that only one of the candidates drew blood!

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A GUY BREAKS INTO A HOUSE AND MOVES ALL THE STUFF ON TO THE FRONT LAWN AND HAS A YARD SALE!!!

A man in Ontario, Canada is accused of breaking into someone’s home and then having a garage sale on their front lawn!  Kail Russell Stokes, 26, snuck into the home while its renter was out of town on June 12th.  He then proceeded to sell about $40,000 worth of tools and woodworking equipment in the front yard.  We gotta hand it to him, it was certainly an ingenious idea.  And he must’ve been quite the salesman to get more than $1 or 50 cents for anything.  Only problem – with a garage sale comes a lot of witnesses.  In the end, he’s the one that got sold…down the river!

WHO CALLS 911 LOOKING FOR A DATE??

A Cincinnati woman is facing charges for getting drunk, calling 911 and asking the dispatcher for a date.

–43-year-old BERNADETTE MUSIC called 911 four to five times.  She was turned down, of course. Police arrested her at her home.

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THE VICTIM OF A HOME INVASION ROBBERY MANAGES TO GET HELP BY TYPING A MESSAGE TO HER BOYFRIEND…USING HER TOES:

This is some pretty incredible “MacGyver” stuff right here.

–Late on Monday night, a man in a ski mask broke into 39-year-old Amy Windom’s home in southeast Atlanta.  He tied her arms to the headboard of her bed and started cleaning out her house.

–After he left, Amy sprang into action.  She used her feet to open up her computer, then she used a toe on the touchpad as a mouse…opened her instant message program…and started sending messages to her boyfriend.

–At 5:00 A.M., he was waking up for work, and she messaged him, quote, “HELP…CALL 911 POLICE…I’M HOME TIED TO BED…ROBBED.”

–He called 911 and they went to Amy’s house and freed her from the bed.

–The police are still trying to track him down but, so far, don’t have any suspects.

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A FAMILY FACING FORECLOSURE CLEANS OUT THEIR HOUSE…AND FINDS A COPY OF THE FIRST-EVER SUPERMAN COMIC BOOK:

Who says SUPERMAN doesn’t exist?  He LITERALLY just saved a family from absolute disaster.

–The family, who asked the press to keep their name and their location confidential, was facing FORECLOSURE.

–As they packed up their belongings to leave the house, they found an old box in their basement containing about nine comic books.

–One of those comic books was “Action Comics No. 1″…a.k.a. the comic book that featured the first appearance of Superman…a.k.a. the most valuable comic book OF ALL TIME.

–They looked it up online and found that copies of that book have sold for up to $1.5 MILLION at auction.

–Since it’s not perfectly mint, it should only make about $250,000 at auction, but still enough for the family to easily save their house.

–And that makes it pretty amazing, because most Americans don’t that the most valuable comic book in the world in their basements.

A HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADER TACKLES A SHOPLIFTER…ALL WHILE WEARING A STRAPLESS DRESS AND TALKING ON HER CELL PHONE:

How long until someone makes a new superhero movie out of this girl?

–Last Sunday, a high school cheerleader in Oklahoma helped FIGHT CRIME…all while wearing a strapless dress and talking on her cell phone.

–16-year-old Kealey Oliver of Moore, Oklahoma, is a cheerleader.  She was at the mall with some friends and talking on her cell phone with her mom, when she saw a guy running towards her.

–She heard people screaming, so she said “Hang on, Mom”…put the phone down…and TACKLED the guy.  She wrapped her arms around his waist and SLAMMED him to the ground…and held him there until mall security caught up.

–It turned out the guy was a shoplifter, and Kealey gets full credit for busting him.

–She’s not sure HOW she took him down so easily…she’s five-foot-two and he was over six feet tall.

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A MAN ROBS A WENDY’S…THEN CALLS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW LITTLE MONEY THEY GAVE HIM:

I’m thinking that Wendy’s isn’t going to lose TOO much sleep over this particular unsatisfied customer.

–On Saturday night, an unidentified man robbed a Wendy’s in Atlanta.  He pulled a gun on the employees, and took all of the money they had in the register.

–Later that night, the same Wendy’s got a call.  From the robber.  Turns out he was FURIOUS at how little money they seemed to be making.  He said, quote, “Next time there better be more than $586 [in the register].”

–Then, shortly after, he called AGAIN…to complain AGAIN about just how little money he got in his robbery.  The police are still trying to track him down.

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A MAN GETS ATTACKED BY A LARGE BEAVER IN CUMMING, GEORGIA:

–In Cumming, Georgia, a man named Russ McTindal was out fishing when, out of nowhere, a GIANT BEAVER sprung up next to him, attacked him and bit his leg.

–The bite was so bad that Russ had to use his belt as a tourniquet to stop the bleeding.  He’s going to be OK…the beaver slipped away and is still on the loose.

WHEN THE POLICE BUST A TEENAGER FOR USING STOLEN CREDIT CARDS, THEY STUMBLE ON HIS PARENTS’ MARIJUANA FARM:

–17-year-old Trevor Miller of Buffalo Grove, Illinois, likes playing online games…but he doesn’t have a credit card and he can’t buy all of the power-ups he wants in those games.  So recently, he started stealing credit cards to do it.

–The police traced the stolen credit cards to him, and last week, they went to his parents’ house to bust him.

–But when they got there for Trevor, they found something even more interesting…his parents’ MARIJUANA FARM.

–Turns out his parents, 52-year-old James and 50-year-old Cindy, have been growing several reefer plants at the house…and Trevor inadvertently led the police right to them.

–All three Millers were arrested and thrown in jail.

(–I’m not sure if it counts as a family bonding activity when two parents and their kid all get thrown in jail together…)

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AMERICANS ARE SO HEALTH CONSCIOUS!  WHEAT BREAD IS OUTSELLING WHITE BREAD FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER:

Looks like ALL of the pro-wheat propaganda has finally sunk in.  Thanks a lot, JARED.

–According to the latest figures, for the first time in U.S. history, wheat bread has outsold white bread.  Breads that are marketed as “whole grain” and “natural” are finally selling better than good-old, processed, vitamin-free white bread.

–In total sales for the 52-week period that ended on July 10th, Americans bought $2.6 BILLION worth of wheat bread and $2.5 BILLION worth of white.  Bread sales as a whole fell 3% from the previous year.

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A GUY STOLE A BICYCLE AND GOT BEAT UP BY THE OWNER…SO NOW HE’S SUING:

–In 2007, Dupree broke into a van in St. Petersburg and stole a bike that was inside.  The bike’s owner was Anthony McKoy…and he was down the street and spotted Dupree stealing his bike.  So he and two friends took off after Dupree.

–They caught him and tackled him.  According to Dupree, one guy held him down with a knee in his back, another guy handcuffed him, and a third guy called the police then held him at gunpoint until they arrived.

–Dupree ended up being convicted of burglary and cocaine possession and is now doing 12 years in prison.

–WELL…last week, Dupree filed a LAWSUIT against McKoy.  That’s right:  He’s suing his robbery victim.  For $500,000.

–Dupree says that, after he stole McKoy’s bike, McKoy and his friends roughed him up so badly that, quote, “it resulted in permanent disabilities and psychological disorders.”

(–We’ll keep you posted.)

A WOMAN FINDS OUT HER HUSBAND HAS ANOTHER WIFE WHEN SHE SEES THE WEDDING PHOTOS ON FACEBOOK:

–There’s a woman in Cleveland, who recently found out her husband had gotten married to another woman…after she found their wedding photos on Facebook.

–Her husband was supposedly travelling a lot for work.  Down in the Tampa area, he started a relationship with another woman, and they decided to get married.

–They even had a wedding at Disney World in Orlando where she dressed as Sleeping Beauty and he dressed as Prince Charming.  (–So this guy’s not only a cheater, he’s obnoxiously cheesy.  And yet he found TWO wives.)

–He did a good job covering his tracks, but his new bride didn’t.  When Facebook changed its privacy policy to allow everyone to see everything you post, she didn’t set hers back to private.  So all of the photos were just out there to see.

–The woman in Cleveland obviously plans to get divorced from her husband.  They have two young children together.

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ANYONE CAN GET HIT MY A METEOR ONCE, BUT SIX TIMES!!!

A Bosnian man hit by six meteorites is convinced that aliens are targeting him!

–Since 2007, Radivoje Lajic’s home has been struck by a series of space rocks.  Experts are trying to figure out if there’s something specific about his house that attracts them, but Lajic believes he knows the answer.

–”I am obviously being targeted by extraterrestrials,” the 50-year-old said.  “I don’t know what I have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes sense.”

–Yes, that makes total and complete sense.

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STUPID CRIMINALS:  A WOMAN SHOPLIFTS CLOTHES FROM A STORE…THEN SHOWS UP THE NEXT DAY IN THE SHOPLIFTED CLOTHES FOR A JOB INTERVIEW:

–Over the weekend, a 40-year-old woman…whose name hasn’t been released…went into a clothing store in Barrie, Ontario, Canada, and dropped off a resume.  Then she SHOPLIFTED SOME CLOTHES.  And then she left.

–The next day, she went back to the store for a job interview…WEARING the clothes she’d stolen the day before.

–And after her interview, on the way out of the store…she stole even MORE clothes.

–Later that day, the employees realized some merchandise had been stolen…and when they looked through their security tapes, they realized the thief was the same woman who’d just interviewed.

–They called the police, who were able to track her down pretty easily:  The store passed along her resume, which had her address and phone number. STUPID CRIMINALS!!

STUPID POLITICIANS

–Here’s a note for all you politicians listening:  if you’re going to steal your political opponent’s campaign signs, at least wear a mask.

–A hidden camera caught one candidate for a state House seat in Florida stealing his rival’s signs at night. The sheriff’s department is investigating the actions of Greg Brown and his wife, who were caught mere minutes after the campaign of Doug Broxson set up a surveillance cam.

–Brown, however, says he did nothing wrong because he removed the signs from the property of one of his own supporters who had agreed to a Brown-only zone.

–“I disposed of them,” he said. “Quite honestly, I may have put them in my own trash can at home.  I am not completely sure.”  Check out the video here:

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WHAT STATES ARE THE BEST AND WORSE PLACES TO RAISE YOUR KIDS?

Are you willing to move to a completely different state to make sure your kids are in the best possible environment to grow and thrive?  Let me rephrase that…are you willing to move to NEW HAMPSHIRE for the sake of your kids?

–According to an annual study by the Annie E. Casey Foundation…which is a nonprofit that promotes public policy reform to help children and families…New Hampshire is the best place for a kid to grow up.

–The study looks at child deaths, teen birthrate, children in poverty, high school dropout rates and more.

–Based on those statistics, the top five best states for kids are New Hampshire, Minnesota, Vermont, Utah and Massachusetts.  The bottom five are Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, Alabama and New Mexico.

–And overall, things look like they’re getting better in the U.S. for kids.  Since 2000, the child death rate has gone down 14%, the teen birth rate is down 10%, and the number of kids dropping out of high school is down 45%.

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A MAN IN FLORIDA WAS SHOT…SO HE DROVE HIMSELF TO KFC:

I never knew that KFC was this addicting, but after hearing this story, I’ll have to reconsider….

–On Tuesday night, a 35-year-old man got into a fight with an acquaintance over money in Fort Walton Beach, Florida.

–The acquaintance ended up SHOOTING the 35-year-old in his left side…and the 35-year-old man decided he needed to get help.

–So he mustered up every ounce of strength he had left, and drove himself to…KFC.

–It’s not clear whether he had the strength left to order anything, and he was probably just trying to get to the hospital.

–But once he stopped the car, he realized he needed an ambulance to get him the rest of the way.  So he called 911 and they picked him up at the KFC.

–His injuries were serious, but not life-threatening.  The police are still investigating.