Memphis – UT Game Information

Shuttle Locations
MATA will provide shuttle service beginning at 9:15 a.m. The cost of the shuttle is $7. There are six shuttle locations -

Germantown – Germantown Village Square Mall on Poplar

East Memphis – Eastgate Shopping Center

Southeast Memphis – Halle Stadium

Collierville – Market Street next to Perkins

Bartlett – Highway 64 behind Colton’s Steaks

Raleigh Raleigh Springs Mall
For more detailed information, please call MATA’s Information Center at 274-6282.

Tickets
Will call for the general public will be located at Gate 1. An ID will be required to pick up tickets. Perimeter gates will open at 7 a.m. and will call distribution will begin at 7 a.m. at Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium. Admission into the stadium’s interior will begin at 9 a.m.  If individuals have purchased tickets and requested that they be mailed and have not received them prior to the game – they must go to Gate 1 for lost slips. A photo ID will be required for a lost slip to be issued. U of M Player Family tickets will be located at Gate 6 and will open at 9 a.m.  Visiting Player Family tickets and UT will call will be located at Gate 6. Unless sold out, tickets will be available for sale at Gates 1, 3 and 4. All sales will be cash only at the stadium. There is not an ATM machine at Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium. Ticket sales will begin at 7 a.m. at Gate 1. Gates 3 and 4 will begin selling at 8 a.m.  U of M students will be admitted free with a current valid U of M ID at Gate 2. All IDs will be scanned. Gate 2 will open at 9 a.m.  Student guest tickets for the game are SOLD OUT.

RVs
There will not be an area available for RV parking.

Traffic Info
The City of Memphis Parks Division, Memphis Police Department and Memphis Area Transit Authority, (MATA) urge the public to plan ahead to avoid parking and traffic congestion in the area of the Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium and the Fairgrounds this weekend. This weekend’s activities include Saturday’s 11 a.m. match-up at the Liberty Bowl featuring the University of Memphis Tigers vs the University of Tennessee, and the culmination of the Mid South Fair.

Traffic Alerts:
Avoid the East Parkway Bridge (Airways) north and south bound lanes between Spottswood and Central Avenue as it remains under construction. Travelers using this route will encounter major traffic delays. Officials urge travelers from the south to utilize I-240 North to Lamar, east on Lamar to Central Avenue to the Fairgrounds/Liberty Bowl Complex.

Parking:
Public parking at the Fairgrounds is limited. See Fairgrounds Map.
• Arrive at least 2 hours early to park at one of the 3 lots on Early Maxwell. See Fairgrounds Map. Cost for parking is $7.00/vehicle.
• Arrive at least 1 hour early to park in School Board/Tobey Park area, north of the Stadium on Hollywood.
• If all lots are full, there are public streets in areas adjoining the Fairgrounds that are the best bet.
Officials strongly suggest carpooling or using the MATA shuttle service to the University of Memphis football game.

Joke of the Day: 09-29-06

FOOTBALL FANS

Mike, you always say that “Timing” is everything…well, with the UofM/Tennessee game this weekend, I thought this would be funny!
–Brenda Powell

A first grade teacher in Knoxville, Tennessee, explained to her class that she was a Tennessee fan. She asked her students to raise their hands if they, too, were Tennessee fans.

Everyone in the class raised their hand except for one little girl.

The teacher looked at the little girl with surprise and said, “Janie, why didn’t you raise your hand?”

“Because I am not an Tennessee fan,” she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, “Well, if you are not a Tennessee fan, what kind of a fan are you?”

“I’m a Memphis fan,” Janie replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. “Janie, WHY are you a Memphis fan?”

“Because my mom is a Memphis fan, my dad is a Memphis fan, so I am a Memphis fan also.”

“Well,” said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, “that is no reason for you to be a Memphis fan. You don’t have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your mom was a snotty, arrogant jerk and your dad was a snotty, arrogant jerk, what would you be then?”

“Then,” Janie smiled, “We’d be Tennessee fans.”

Dirt Alert: 09-28-06

Harry Hamlin Is ‘Dancing’ No More
“L.A. Law” star Harry Hamlin, and husband of season-two semifinalist Lisa Rinna, was booted off of “Dancing with the Stars” last night.

SIMON COWELL’S MOM HIT BY A CAR (Ghastly!)
‘American Idol’ judge Simon Cowell’s mother was struck by a car. 80 year-old Julie Cowell is suspected to have a broken hip and could face a hip replacement operation following Friday’s accident. Simon went straight to her hospital bedside. Cowell told The London Sun newspaper: “When I heard, I was worried to death. But she is as strong as an ox and her attitude was a bit like, ‘What’s all the fuss about?’ I was obviously relieved she is fine and already planning her 100th birthday party.”

RELATED: SIMON COWELL ON CLAY
Simon Cowell is sharing some of his frustration with Clay Aiken. Clay has recently been in the press talking about using anti-depressants to deal with the fame. Simon said, “Oh give me a break. Let me have a choice, I’m going to work in a coal mine for 14 hours a day or I’m going to be a runner-up on ‘American Idol.’ Give me a break, idiot.”

Joke of the Day: 09-28-06 (With Audio)

Women Are Evil By Nature…

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub…

She gestured to the bartender who approached her immediately.

She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

“Are you the manager?” she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no,” he replied.

“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she said, running
Her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes. I need for you to give him a message,” she continued, running
Her forefinger across the bartender’s lips…

“What should I tell him?” the bartender managed to say.

“Tell him,” she whispered,”There’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.”

Freak Files: 09-28-06

A priest parked his car illegally, but he was answering a higher calling!!!  Does he get mercy from the law? 
He was answering a higher calling. Rev. Cletus Forson got a call from a parishioner desperate to get the sacrament of the sick administered to his mother. When he got to the Brooklyn hospital, there was nowhere to park. So he pulled up in an ambulance zone, tossed his clergy parking permit on the dashboard and went in. The priest came back and found a $115 ticket on his windshield.  An appeals board says that while he might have been fulfilling a religious obligation, he still broke the law and will still have to pay his parking ticket. On the bright side, people who learned of his plight last month have since donated almost $1,500.

Imagine having a twin sister and never getting to meet her…..until you’re 71 years-old?
A Wisconsin woman has finally met her sister, 71 years after they were born. It took eight years to track her other half down.  The twins (Pat Gudinas and Shirley McGuire)were born to a single woman and they ended up in different foster homes and eventually at St. Joseph Orphanage on Milwaukee’s south side. Pat says they “were kept separated”, “were never in the same room with one another.” Both girls were told while they were growing up that they were adopted and had a twin.  Recently a nun in Chicago who had archival materials from the orphanage provided one gal with the name of the people who adopted her twin. She hired a genealogist to track her down with the help of public records and newspaper obituaries.

Hey parents!  Wanna know if your daughter is going to be a good athlete?  It’s all in the size of her hands!
The length of a girl’s ring finger could be an indicator of her future sporting potential. Researchers (at King’s College London) studied hand measurements of 607 female twins aged 25-79, in comparison to the women’s lifetime sporting achievements.  The findings found that women with ring fingers longer than their index fingers had performed better at running and associated running sports (like soccer and tennis).  In women the ring finger is commonly shorter or the same length as the index finger, while in men the ring finger is generally longer. Docs couldn’t explain the reasons for the new findings.

So, on the Mike and Mandy show….how athletic are Mandy and Rachel?  Let’s look at their hands….

Mandy’s:

Rachel’s:

Joke of the Day: 09-27-06

Blonde Parking Space

A blonde was driving down the street in a cold-sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, she said, “Lord, take pity on me.  If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up dating and tequila.”

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

She looked up again and said, “Never mind, God,  I found one.”

Freak Files: 09-27-06

Get a load of the organization that says skunks make great pest!
People from as far away New Mexico and the Netherlands were in northern Ohio over the weekend, getting up close and personal with skunks. One skunk owner says some folks may not understand, but skunks make great pets and are soft and cuddly. She thinks having a rat or a lizard or a snake is weird.  Polecat enthusiasts gathered in North Ridgeville, about 25 miles southwest of Cleveland, for the sixth annual Skunkfest. The event raises money for Skunk Haven, a nonprofit group that saves and rehabilitates injured skunks. And, pet skunks compete in beauty, personality and costume contests. By the way, they all pass the sniff test, because those domesticated skunks are deodorized.

How can a grandmother give birth to her own grand son?? 
A woman in Southern California recently gave birth to her own grandson. 54-year-old Ruby Tejwani delivered Syrus Sonny Singh, since her daughter suffers from Lupus, so mom volunteered to be a surrogate mother for her daughter. Little Syrus was four weeks early and weighed just five pounds, six ounces.  Doctors say both grandmother and baby are doing well. The new mother says she is thrilled and and wouldn’t have trusted anyone else to carry her child.

Enjoy the irony with the Freak Files this morning:  A Car Designed To Thwart Thefts… Is Stolen!
Dallas police are investigating a glitch that resulted in the loss of one of their “bait” cars. Sometime between Friday and Monday, a car outfitted with cameras, tracking capabilities and a remote engine-kill system designed to catch auto thieves was stolen somewhere in Dallas – police would not say where. They would not identify the make and model of the car, so that if it is recovered, it can remain part of the undercover fleet.  It’s likely that the thieves do not know they have stolen a car that, if police can remotely repair the tracking glitch, auto theft detectives could still possibly locate.

Joke of the Day: 09-26-06

BROTHER NAMES BABIES

A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma.

When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, “Doc, what happened to my baby!”

The doctor replied, “Ma’am, you’ve had twins! You’re the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you.”

“Oh, no!” shrieked the woman. “Not my brother! He’s not really all together, if you know what I mean…he’s kind of a….well….redneck!”

The doctor replied, “Well, ma’am, you may not have anything to worry about…your brother named your daughter Denise.”

“Oh, that’s no so bad,” smiled the woman. Then she asked, “What’s the boy’s name?”

The doctor grinned and said, “Denephew.”

Freak Files: 09-26-06

PETA UPSET WITH SIX FLAGS OVER ROACH- EATING PROMOTION
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants Six Flags Great America to scrap its Halloween-themed cockroach-eating promotion. A PETA spokeswoman says the bug- eating contest at the amusement park’s FrightFest is “gratuitously cruel.” For their part, amusement park officials are defending their menu choice, insisting that the bugs are nutritious, high in protein and fat free. The promotion offers unlimited line-jumping privileges to anyone who eats a live Madagascar hissing cockroach, which can grow up to three inches long.The contest begins next month.

BASEBALL PLAYER HITS HIS OWN WIFE WITH A FOUL BALL!!!
What are the odds? A baseball player hits his own WIFE with a foul ball? That’s exactly what Jay Gibbons of the Baltimore Orioles did. He hit a foul ball that injured his wife. The scene occurred in the ninth inning of the Baltimore Orioles’ game against Minnesota on Saturday. Gibbons fouled a ball straight back over the screen and into the rib cage of his wife, Laura. He says, “She’s just a little bruised up. She’s going to be OK.” Ironically, long before the matter became personal, Gibbons had asked team officials to do something about making it safer to sit in the seats behind the plate. He contended that the 20-foot screen just doesn’t offer enough protection from hard-hit foul balls.

Freak Accident at a “track and field” event
A SHOCKED athletics judge clutches her leg in agony — moments after a flying JAVELIN veered off course and pierced her foot. Horrified crowds gasped as the spear sailed through the air and impaled unsuspecting Lia Lourenco. Millions more saw the incident on national television while watching a warm-up session at the Trophy Brazil Athletics Championships in Sao Paolo on Sunday. Miss Lourenco was rushed to hospital with the 7ft javelin still attached. But she was recovering last night after a successful op to remove it. An onlooker said: “It was horrible seeing her get speared.”

Dirt Alert: 09-26-06

Dr. Phil Agrees To A $10.8M In ‘Shape Up’ Settlement
TV personality Phil “Dr. Phil” McGraw agreed to a $10.8 million settlement of a class action lawsuit filed by people disappointed in his Shape Up! diet products. An attorney said a fund will be established in which thousands of eligible plaintiffs nationwide can choose from a supply of Nutrilite vitamins with minerals as replacements for the Shape Up! products, or $12.50 in cash.  The settlement costs will be paid for by insurance, meaning McGraw will have no out-of-pocket expenses. Shape Up! products included supplements and meal replacement products, including bars, shakes and ready-to-drink mixes. They’ve since been yanked from store shelves.

No Croc Hunter For Russell Crowe
A story that’s been circulating recently that actor Russell Crowe wants to star in a biopic about his late friend Steve Irwin AKA The Crocodile Hunter is not true. Crowe told the website ComingSoon.net, “There’s no truth to that whatsoever. That’s one of those appalling pieces of trash that come out of the press. While my friend’s body is still warm, I’m being accused of doing commerce over his grave, and it absolutely disgusts me.”  Crowe did add that, “Should there be a movie about Steve? For sure!!! What an incredible and unique life he led.”

Apparently “America’s Got Talent” Is Coming Back For Another Snooze-Filled Season
“America’s Got Talent” will hold auditions in eight cities for its second season, which will include a “boot camp” that gives some contestants the chance to work with experts. NBC said the $1 million-prize contest hosted by Regis Philbin is open to would-be stars in all fields, including music, dance and comedy.  The series is set to return at midseason on NBC, although an air date has yet to be announced. Executive Porducer, Simon Cowell said it would likely be back on in March. (BTW, Memphis in not one of the cities where auditions will be held.)

Dirty Purses (with Audio)

What’s the dirtiest…grossest thing that touches our lives every day? Its’ something just about every woman carries with her. While we may know what’s inside our purses, do you have any idea what’s on the outside? Health officials with the “Centers for Disease Control and Prevention” put purses to the test…and discovered that they were CRAWLING with bacteria’s like e-coli! Women carry purses everywhere, from the office to public restrooms to the floor of the car. What’s REALLY gross is some women will put their purses on the kitchen counters too….transferring all that gross bacteria to their cooking surfaces. Microbiologists say that nearly all purses are high is harmful kinds of bacteria that can cause eye infections, and serious skin infections! Leather or vinyl purses tended to be cleaner than cloth purses, and lifestyle seemed to play a role. People with kids tended to have dirtier purses than those without, with one exception. The purse of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all.

What to do to “clean up” your purse:
Use hooks to hang your purse at home and in restrooms, and don’t put it on your desk, on a restaurant table, or on your kitchen countertop. Experts say you should think of your purse the same way you would a pair of shoes. Cleaning a purse will help, too! Wash cloth purses and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather purses.

Joke of the Day: 09-25-06

CHURCH SQUIRRELS

There were four country churches in a small Texas town…the Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

In the Baptist Church, the deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptism pool and drown the squirrels in it. But…the squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But — The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Dirt Alert: 09-25-06

Bounty Hunter Duane”Dog” Chapman Will Do Just About Anything To Stay Out Of Mexico
His lawyer says TV bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman is ready to apologize and take other steps to avoid extradition to Mexico on illegal detention charges. Chapman, his son Leland and an associate on the popular A&E show “Dog The Bounty Hunter” were arrested and jailed last week in Hawaii. The charges against them stem from the capture of Max Factor-heir Andrew Luster in Mexico in 2003. Bounty hunting in Mexico is a crime. (Luster had fled the U.S. during his trial on rape charges. His capture in Mexico by Chapman’s group led to the reality series. Luster is now serving a 124 year prison term.) Chapman’s lawyer says the bounty hunter is willing to apologize, pay a fine, forfeit his Mexican bail and make a charitable contribution, but doesn’t want to go back.

Brad Pitt Denies The Obvious: Starring In ‘MI:4′
Brad Pitt has blown odd tabloid rumours that he’s set to replace Tom Cruise in the struggling Mission: Impossible franchise. Cruise has played agent Ethan Hunt in the action movies, but was fired by Paramount Studios last month after “Mission: Impossible III’s” poor box office takings and his “unacceptable conduct” off screen.  Brad Pitt was named as a potential savior for the fourth installment, but his rep said the report was “totally made up”.

‘Idol’ Will Charge $700K For A 30-Second AD
Fox’s “American Idol” once again takes the top prize as the most expensive show on television. Advertisers will pay a whopping $700,000 per 30-second spot for the Tuesday night edition of the singing show when it starts up again in January.  According to a survey of media buyers conducted by Advertising Age, this is the third year in row that “Idol” tops the charts as the priciest show in TV-land. The show’s big sponsors have been Coke, Ford and Cingular.  The Wednesday-night edition remains the second-most expensive, with prices ranging between $550,000 and $700,000.

Freak Files: 09-25-06

Amusement park offers passes to cut to the front of ride lines through October 29th
Why wait in line when you can just eat a cockroach? That’s what Six Flags Great America will be asking thrill seekers during its Halloween-themed FrightFest. The amusement park is daring customers to eat a live Madagascar hissing cockroach in exchange for unlimited line-jumping privileges.  The promotion starts October 7th, but it has some health department officials shaking their heads. Park officials insist it’s safe to eat the crunchy critters, but health officials are cautioning participants that eating live roaches might increase risks of gastrointestinal illness and allergies.  Anyone who chows down the entire 2- to 3-inch horned cockroach gets a pass for four people to cut to the front of ride lines through October 29th.

“Happy” and HIGH Cows Give More Milk
Five farmers (in Romania) are being investigated after police discovered they were feeding cannabis to their cows. The farmers told officers the drug helped the cows produce more milk. The farmers claim they didn’t know they were doing something illegal by growing the drug in their field. One man claimed, “We grew it because the cows seemed to like it, and happy cows give more milk.”

Joke of the Day: 09-22-06

THE FORTUNE TELLER

A woman goes to visit a fortune-teller.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the psychic delivered grave news. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt.  Prepare yourself to be a widow.  Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”

Visibly shaken, the woman stares at the fortuneteller’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.

She simply had to know.

She met the fortuneteller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question:

“Will I be found guilty?”