Congrats to Boris, the “True Memphis Fan” and his owner Tracy Rappel. They’ve won $100 in the Mike and Mandy “Howl-o-ween” costume contest.
2nd Place winner:
3rd Place winner:
Thanks to everyone who entered!
Sophie the Fairy
Pooh the Devil
Baxter the Lobster
Penny the Pumpkin
Belvedere the Bunny
Boris the Memphis Fan
William as Elmo
Mia the Pumpkin
Aloha from Dobby the Party Animal
Charlie and Lucy as Charlie Brown and Lucy (From Peanuts)
Lord Fergus Duncan and Mr. McGregor as Dracula
Meia’s First Halloween
Tinker and Jackson celebrate Halloween
Pierre the Pumpkin
Molly the Bumblebee
Molly as Yoda
Sexy Saydee
Sandy the Pumpkin
Bella the Pirate
Sailor the Sheep
Maverick the “Hot Dog”
Mollie and Coby (The Bride and Groom)
Shelbi the Princess
Thor the Skunk
Bonnie Lane the Bumble Bee
Gidget the Leprechaun
Grizzly as Darth Vader
Sassy as a Fairy Princess
Daphne the Pumpkin
Luke as the Bumble Bully
Molly as a Witch and Poncho as a Jack-O-Lantern
“Happy” the Dog as Zorro
Lexi the Spider
Sierra as a Pumpkin
Millie as a Witch
Chipper as Mickey Mouse
Maggie as a Princess
Count Twix as Dracula
Shelby as Groucho Marx
Bailee the Witch
Dee Dee the Pumpkin
Gepetto the Clown
Lil Bit the Bronco Dog
Ally the Princess
Rocky the Warlock
Pandamonia as a witch
Divot is too cute to be scary
Logan as a Bumblebee (click to enlarge)
Maggie as a Devil Dog
Lola in Paris
Waggin, the Greyhound (As Cousin It)
Missie (The Ladybug)
JoJo and Abbey in their Halloween costumes
Kirby in her “Bee” costume
LANCE ARMSTRONG IS THE MALE COUGAR OF THE MONTH!!
21-year-old ASHLEY OLSEN showed up at a club in New York Monday night with LANCE ARMSTRONG. He’s 36. The “New York Post” says she drank red wine, sat on his lap, and made out with him all night before leaving with him around 2:00 AM.
BRITNEY SPEARS DIDN’T GET CUSTODY BACK:
BRITNEY SPEARS did NOT regain any form of custody of her kids (2-year-old Sean Preston and 1-year-old Jayden James) during yesterday’s hearing. But she does still have visitation. In his decision, L.A. County Court Commissioner Scott Gordon gave Britney THREE visits per week. All visits will continue to be monitored. In his ruling, Gordon cited the report issued last week by Britney’s “parenting coach”… who said, quote, “during all three of my visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play. Commissioner Gordon also turned down a request from Britney to either terminate or modify the court order that requires her to submit to random drug tests twice a week.
DANCING WITH THE STARS MADNESS
One of this season’s top contenders is no longer on ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars.” A surprise “Bottom Two” found “All My Children” star Cameron Mathison and “Cheetah Girl” Sabrina Bryan at risk of elimination. But after all the votes were counted, it was Sabrina Bryan who was cut. This was a shock to many fans because throughout her time on the show, Bryan consistently landed at the top of the leader board, and even earned this season’s first perfect score.
CAN A SNAKE ACTUALLY LIVE IN YOUR STOMACH???
Yeter Yildirim, a 15 year old Turkish girl, had suffered from stomach pains for over five years. They were a constant torment to the girl. She had gone from a happy girl with lots of friends to a lonesome girl who suffered severe head aches and stomach pain. Her family was shunned by suspicious villagers in their little farming community. Eventually Yeter’s family moved 80 miles away because they were being persecuted by the town. As her symptoms worsened, her family finally took her to a hospital. The doctors x-rayed her and matter-of-factly stated that there would be no problem removing the snakes from the young girls stomach. “What snakes??” The x-rays showed three snakes living in the girl’s stomach, water snakes that she had apparently swallowed as eggs while drinking from a stream. They hatched and lived there for 5 years before being discovered as the cause of her sickness. They were slightly thicker than string and about a foot long. She was fine after they were removed.
WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME???
A woman living in Salt Lake City was visiting some friends in Ogden. It was about 2:00 in the morning when she was drving home and she noticed that she was being followed. Some of the time he would drive up real close to her car, but he wouldn’t ever pass. She started running stop lights to get away from him, but he would run right through them too. So when she got to her driveway she pulled in really fast, and this guy pulled in right behind her. She just laid on the horn, and her husband came running out. Just then, the guy jumped out of the car, and her husband ran over and said, ‘What’s going’ on here?” So he grabbed the guy, and his wife said, “This man’s followed me all the way from Ogden.” The man said, ‘I followed your wife because I was going to work and I noticed a man’s head bob down in her back seat.” So the husband went over to her back-seat, opened the door, and there was a deranged man sitting on the floor with a knife in his hand.
DOES THE GRIM REAPER DRIVE A HEARSE?
As Jim Brand lay dying, his wife left him with his nurse and went into the next room to rest. She sat in the dark staring into the night. Suddenly Mrs. Brand saw headlights speeding up the driveway. “Oh no” she thought. “I don’t want visitors now, not now.” But it wasn’t a car bringing a visitor. It was an old hearse with maybe a half dozen small men hanging from the sides. At least, that’s what it looked like. The hearse screeched to a stop. The men jumped off and stared up at her, their eyes glowing with a soft yellow light, like cats’ eyes. She watched with horror as they disappeared into the house. An instant later they were back, lifting something into the hearse. Then they drove off at high speed, wheels squealing, the gravel in the driveway flying in all directions. At that very moment, the nurse came in, shook Mrs. Brand and told her husband had died!
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE TRICK OR TREATING
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You’re the only Pirate in the neighborhood with a walker.
1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
OJ JOKE
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Kentucky?
Everyone has the same DNA.
DOCTORS PLAN TO TREAT OPEN WOUNDS BY DUMPING HOT SAUCE ON THEM
I’m not sure if I can think of ANYTHING that sounds more excruciatingly painful than having someone DUMP HOT SAUCE onto an open wound. But…that’s EXACTLY what doctors in Denmark are doing. They believe that the chemical behind the spiciness in peppers, which is called capsaicin, could actually work as a painkiller. Dr. Eske Aasvang, a pain specialist in Denmark who’s testing this out says that after you bite a hot pepper, after the initial burn, your tongue goes numb. So, by dumping concentrated capsaicin on an open wound, like a surgical scar, after the initial burn, the capsaicin could keep the wound numb for WEEKS. That would make it so you suffer from less pain as you recover…AND let you avoid taking painkillers. One warning: Please…do NOT try this at home. If your kid scrapes his knee, do NOT dump Tabasco on it. The tests are using an ultra-purified version of capsaicin…anything else could lead to a serious infection.
MAN GETS A DUI AND WHEN HIS WIFE COMES TO PICK UP THEIR SON, SHE GETS ONE TOO:
Around 11:20 P.M. on Saturday night, a man from Northville, Michigan, whose name hasn’t been released, was driving with his 12-year-old son and got pulled over for running a red light. The cops gave the man a breathalyzer test and he blew a .11…which is over the legal limit of .08. He was arrested for driving under the influence. Then, the cops told the boy to call his mother to pick him up. He did, and, a few minutes later, his mom got there. She had her nine-year-old daughter in the car…and, just like her husband, she looked DRUNK. So the cops gave HER a breathalyzer, and she blew a .13!!! So SHE was arrested for drunk driving too. Both of the kids were turned over to a relative.
EMPLOYEE STRESS IS COSTING AMERICAN BUSINESSES $300 BILLION
Your relaxation is CRUCIAL to the profitability and success of your work…and to the health of the American economy in general. According to the American Psychological Association, employee STRESS is costing American businesses a combined $300 BILLION a year. That figure is based on how much productivity is lost because of stress…either from people being absent, quitting or having higher medical costs from stress-related illnesses. They say the main causes of stress in the workplace are job uncertainty, cost-cutting, a nonstop demand for more productivity, and communication tools like BlackBerries that make it so you’re at work even when you’re at home. 52% of employees say their employer doesn’t address stress or work-life balance at all.
THE WORLD’S HOTTEST CHILE PEPPER
Researchers at New Mexico State University have just set a new “Guinness” world record…by finding the world’s HOTTEST CHILI PEPPER. It’s called Bhut Jolokia, and they found it growing in Assam, India. It measures almost one million Scoville heat units…that’s the unit for measuring spiciness. The old record holder for hottest chili pepper, the Red Savina, “only” measured about 577,000 SHUs. To put into perspective, Tabasco sauce measures about 7,000.
KIDS WANT RATS
Thanks to the movie “Ratatouille”, today’s kids apparently don’t want dogs, cats or goldfish anymore. No…now, they all want RATS. In England, pet stores have been selling 50% more rats since the movie opened. The same effect also happened in Germany, Sweden, and right here in the U.S., with rat sales going WAY UP after the movie came out. Steve Fairburn, who owns the British chain “Pets at Home,” says, quote, “It seems ‘Ratatouille’ has done wonders for the image of rats.”
THE FUTURE OF EVOLUTION
Oliver Curry is a well-known and well-RESPECTED evolutionary theorist at the London School of Economics. And he just put out a report about, what he believes, is the future of evolution and the human race. And it’s interesting. Here’s what he has to say: In about 100,000 years, humans will be split into two separate species. A group of super-humans, who will be between six and seven feet tall and live up to 120 years, and a group of ugly, unintelligent, small GOBLIN humans. The reason: People will get more and more selective about who they reproduce with…so, over time, only the most genetically fit people will have kids…leaving the least genetically fit people to get together and produce goblins. There won’t be any racial differences…we’ll all just be basically coffee colored. Of course, none of this will happen in any of our lifetimes…he says there shouldn’t be any real evolutionary changes until at least the year 3000.
FROM THE “WHERE ARE THEY NOW FILE”
BRIAN DUNKLEMAN must have turned to DONUTS to console himself when he realized what a STUPID move it was to quit as co-host of “American Idol” after Season One. Because he’s now heavy enough to qualify for VH1′s “Celebrity Fit Club”. TMZ says Dunkleman will be part of the show’s next cast.
SOME DETAILS ON THE RAPE ALLEGATION AGAINST DAVID COPPERFIELD:
The FBI raided Copperfield’s Las Vegas warehouse on October 17th. They took digital camera equipment and a computer hard drive. The items taken by the FBI were allegedly part of a system Copperfield had for PICKING UP WOMEN. Supposedly, whenever Copperfield would see a woman he liked, he’d go into the audience and pick her to come up on stage and assist him with a trick. After the show, one of Copperfield’s assistants would bring the marked women backstage, where they’d be photographed with a digital camera and asked various questions. The woman who’s accusing Copperfield of raping her was picked up in a similar fashion. He told her he could help her with her modeling career, and he invited her to the Bahamas. She went there in July. The woman…who’s 21 years old…says Copperfield raped and struck her during a two-day stay on the island. Before escorting her to a plane so she could leave, Copperfield allegedly threatened her to keep it quiet. Copperfield’s lawyer is denying all allegations.
ELLEN’S “IGGY” BREAKDOWN IS GOOD FOR RATINGS!!
Apparently, the country couldn’t get enough of the riveting blow-by-blow DRAMA of ELLEN DEGENERES’ dog adoption nightmare. Preliminary ratings for “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” were up 10% during the two episodes AFTER Ellen’s emotional breakdown. Also, ELLEN DEGENERES will be appearing as a guest celebrity suitcase model on an episode of “Deal or No Deal” this season. It’ll be taped on November 9th…but won’t air until sometime in January.
DUSTY UNDERWEAR
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife ‘You know, Linda, maybe you should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!’
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go un rewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer…and a little “dust” cloud appeared when he shook them out.
“Linda,” he hollered into the bathroom, ‘Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?’
She replied with a snicker… ‘It’s not talcum powder…… It’s ‘Miracle Grow’.’
IN THE 1920S, STALIN TRIED TO BREED HALF-HUMAN, HALF-APE SUPER-WARRIORS:
In the pantheon of insane dictators, you’ve GOT to make room for STALIN. Back in the mid-1920s, Joseph Stalin brought in Russia’s top animal breeding scientist, a guy named Ilya Ivanov, and told him he had a new job now: Breeding a race of HALF-HUMAN, HALF-APE SUPER WARRIORS. According to secret documents from the era that were uncovered by some Russian newspapers, Stalin told Ivanov, quote, “I want a new, invincible warrior, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat.” Stalin even built a center where the half-man, half-apes could be raised in the Soviet republic Georgia. Unfortunately, Ivanov’s effort to make Stalin’s dreams come true failed…every time he tried to cross a human women with an ape or vice-versa, it never took. (–Obviously.) -Because he failed, Stalin sentenced Ivanov to five years in prison.
IN FLORIDA, A MAN IS RECOVERING AFTER BEING STABBED…AT A MULLET FESTIVAL:
I think if you decide to go spend your weekend at a MULLET FESTIVAL…you CAN’T be upset when you’re the victim of some classic redneck violence. 18-year-old James Suttles of Florala, Alabama, was at the annual Mullet Festival in Niceville, Florida last weekend when he bumped into another guy from Florala, 18-year-old Ryan McCurly. Apparently, Suttles and McCurly had a history of not getting along. So, when they saw each other at the Mullet Festival, they started arguing…it got violent…and McCurly ended up STABBING Suttles with his pocket knife. So far, no charges have been filed, while the police try to figure out if the stabbing was self-defense. Suttles’ injuries aren’t life-threatening and he’s recovering now. The Mullet Festival happens every October in Niceville. This year, tens of thousands of people showed up…and KENNY ROGERS performed in a concert there on Sunday night. (–Seriously.) The festival is technically celebrating the FISH species called the mullet…but, obviously, the kind of mullets YOU were thinking of are also on display.
34% OF AMERICANS BELIEVE IN GHOSTS AND 14% SWEAR THEY’VE SEEN A UFO:
In honor of Halloween, the Associated Press and Ipsos just finished a poll of 1,013 Americans to see how many paranormal phenomena we all believe in. Here’s what they found: 34% of Americans say they believe in ghosts…. 23% of us say we’ve actually SEEN a ghost, or we believe we’ve been in the presence of one. 34% believe in UFOs…. And 14% of Americans SWEAR they’ve actually SEEN ONE. 48% believe in ESP (–extrasensory perception)…. The person most likely to believe in ESP is white and a college graduate. 20% of us say we’re at least somewhat superstitious. .. The most common superstition: Believing a four-leaf clover is lucky. The rest of the common superstitions, in order, are: Not walking under a ladder, not have a groom see a bride before their wedding, black cats, breaking mirrors, opening an umbrella indoors, Friday the 13th, and, finally, the number 13.
REWARD FOR GOODNESS
Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you.
To the first man the Lord asked, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?” The first man replied, “Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife.” The Lord replied, “Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.
To the second man the Lord asked, “How many times did you cheat on your wife?” The second man replied, “Lord, I cheated on my wife twice.” The Lord replied, “I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked, “So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?” The third man replied, “Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times.” The Lord replied, “I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. “Why are you crying?” the two men asked. “You got the mansion and limo!” The first man replied, “I’m crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!”
Crayfish run for their lives
A group of crayfish spared themselves from being eaten by escaping from a restaurant. Police in the German city of Stuttgart were called in when the crayfish escaped from an Asian restaurant. The escape attempt was noticed by a pedestrian who spotted the crayfish scuttling down the street and notified authorities. Apparently the crayfish had squeezed through gaps in the grating at the top of the tanks and escaped out the front door! (You know that would never happen here in the South!!!!)
Rescuer fined for saving an old woman trapped in the door of a train???
A Belgian man who stopped an old woman being crushed in train doors as she got onto a train was handed a £40 pound fine (about $80.00) for causing a delay. Daniel Dewulf was given the fine by a conductor after he pulled open the train doors after they closed on the elderly lady as she tried to get on. He said: “In order to prevent a tragedy I pushed the door open and helped her get in. She thanked me profusely. But the conductor gave me a fine because he said my actions increased the chance of a delay. He wasn’t interested when I tried to explain to him that I had only opened the doors to try and save an old woman’s life.” Belgian Railways has now apologised to Dewulf and a spokesman said: “We should have fined the woman in question for boarding the train after the whistle.”
WEST VIRGINIA LEADS THE U.S. IN. . . CARS SMASHING INTO DEER:
Right now, through December, it’s DEER MATING SEASON. Which is relevant to you because it means deer will be running across the road in their quest to find a mate. According to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, there are about 1.5 MILLION deer-vehicle crashes every year in the U.S. They cause more than 150 fatalities and $1.1 BILLION in property damage. And THIS is the time of the year when they happen the most. State Farm just released their data on deer-vehicle collision claims and, according to what they’ve found, the state with the highest deer-car crash rate is. . . West Virginia. If you’re driving in West Virginia, you have a one-in-57 chance of hitting a deer in the next 12 months. Michigan has the second-highest rate of deer-vehicle collisions, then Wisconsin, followed by Pennsylvania and then Iowa.
A TEENAGER FIGHTS A PANDA BECAUSE HE “KNOWS KARATE”
Here’s some important advice, so listen up: Just because pandas are endangered, that doesn’t mean you could TAKE ONE in a fight. On Monday, at the Beijing Zoo in China, 15-year-old Li Xitao decided to fight a panda. He jumped into its habitat and yelled, quote, “I’m not afraid of a panda, I know karate.” -The panda he decided to challenge was Gugu…who’s eight years old, about six feet long and 243 pounds. Li started taunting Gugu…which made Gugu CHARGE him…and BITE HIM on the leg. The bite was so deep that BONE was exposed…and Li’s karate skills were USELESS after that. He started screaming, so a tourist threw a bottle of water at Gugu, which scared him off…and gave a zoo official a chance to jump in and rescue Li. He was taken to the hospital where he had surgery on his leg. This is the second time Gugu’s bit someone…last September, he bit another tourist in the leg…again, because the guy jumped into his habitat and taunted him. That guy also had surgery and recovered.
A JAPANESE COMPANY INVENTS AN IN-CAR TOILET!!!
Yesterday, a Japanese company unveiled a brand new product: A portable, IN-CAR TOILET. It’s looks like a small, blue, plastic box with paper towels shoved inside. The toilet has a curtain on top and a big colostomy bag underneath. The curtain is big enough to shield you while you do your thing, and the bag is big and strong enough for whatever it is that you do. And the whole toilet is small enough to fit in a suitcase. A company official says, “The commode will come in handy during major disasters such as earthquakes, or when you are just caught in a traffic jam.” He didn’t say how much the toilets are going to sell for, or if they’ll ship these internationally. The toilets go on sale November 15th.
A PARROT SAVES A FAMILY FROM A HOUSE FIRE
Last Thursday night, 33-year-old Shannon Conwell of Muncie, Indiana, and his nine-year-old son were on the couch watching a movie when they fell asleep. A few hours later, they were woken up by their pet bird, Peanut. Peanut’s an Amazon parrot, and, at three in the morning, he started squawking…and his squawks sounded exactly like their smoke alarm. The reason: The family’s smoke alarm was going off…and even though they didn’t hear it…Peanut did. And he started imitating it. Shannon woke up and realized the HOUSE WAS ON FIRE. He grabbed his son, and Peanut, and got out of the house. Shannon says they’ve had Peanut for about six months and he’s been able to mock almost every sound and word. Quote, “[Peanut's] a blessing. We probably would’ve died if he wasn’t really screaming his head off.”
ANOTHER DAY OF BRITNEY SPEARS IN COURT
The woman appointed by the courts to watch over BRITNEY SPEARS when she has custody of her kids has submitted a report to the judge. And, not surprisingly, it’s pretty uncomplimentary. The report is SEALED, so all of this is HEARSAY, but a source says, quote, “Britney’s often distracted and in her own world when she has the kids, and has a hard time focusing. She is adamant that she doesn’t have to listen to anybody…that it’s her way or the highway.” The monitor also said that Britney often DISAPPEARED and left the kids in the care of other employees…and that she spends a lot of time, quote, “on the phone and changing clothes.” Britney and KEVIN FEDERLINE are due in court Friday for another custody hearing. Britney is hoping for a return to their 50-50 custody agreement.)
NICOLE KIDMAN DOESN’T LIKE TO SAY SHE’S HAPPY WITH KEITH URBAN IN INTERVIEWS
It’s hard to root for NICOLE KIDMAN and KEITH URBAN’S relationship…when Nicole herself doesn’t seem to have much faith in it. Nicole was asked by “Interview” magazine if she’s happy with Keith, and THIS was her answer. Quote: “I don’t ever say that. Partly because interviews are done in advance and you never know where something’s going. People’s lives together are complicated and beautiful and that’s where they should stay. They’re very quiet. Complicatedly quiet.”
BRIAN WILLIAMS WILL BE HOSTING “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE”:
On November 3rd, “NBC Nightly News” stud BRIAN WILLIAMS will become the first network news anchor to host “Saturday Night Live. He’ll probably do a great job. If you’ve been watching “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” recently, you’ve probably noticed that Brian appears frequently as a giant head projected on the screen behind JON STEWART.
DO WHAT YOU WANT
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’
So he tied her up and went golfing.
THE LARGEST INDUSTRY IN ITALY IS…THE MAFIA:
We have to admit it: We had NO IDEA how big the MAFIA still is today. Check THIS out: According to a new study in Italy, the country’s BIGGEST INDUSTRY is the mafia. Revenues from the mafia are around $127 BILLION a year in Italy. That makes it the largest segment of the Italian economy…and about 7% of the country’s gross domestic product. To put that in perspective, that means the Italian organized crime industry is worth $27 BILLION more than the worldwide SPACE industry, including NASA. Today’s mafia makes most of its money on extortion, drug trafficking, loans and prostitution. The mafia is biggest in the southern part of Italy.
TATTOO SPELLS OUT COCA-COLA
A man who has proudly showed off his tattoo for 26 years was baffled to realize it actually spelt Coca-Cola. Vince Mattingley had his named tattooed on his chest in Chinese writing after asking staff at his favorite restaurant to write his name in Chinese symbols. But a waiter drew the Coke words – and Vince had it etched on his chest. Vince only realized the mistake when he recently travelled to Thailand and a barman asked him why he had Coca-Cola written on his chest. Vince said: “I thought it was a joke then I found out that’s what it said. The restaurant staff must have had a good laugh about it.” He now plans to get another Oriental tattoo to cover up the name. He added: “I’m going to go with something Japanese this time.”
STUPID CRIMINALS!!!
A house burglar allegedly stole two gold rings and a mobile phone from a woman’s home. The victim then called the man on the stolen phone and asked him to meet her near a restaurant to return her phone’s subscriber identity chip. “Fortunately, the suspect agreed,” said the victim! The woman alerted authorities and the thief walked straight into the clutches of the law and arrested him!!!
A GIFT FOR VALENTINE’S DAY
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” she asks, “Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?”
Melissa’s father thinks a bit, and says, “No, I don’t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?”
“Osama Bin Laden,” she says.
“Why Osama Bin Laden,” her father asks in shock.
“Well,” she says, “I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did…and sent Valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot. And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.”
Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. “Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I know,” Melissa says, “and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the S.O.B.”
VANESSA WILLIAMS & VINCE VAUGHN??
Yeah, JENNIFER ANISTON is hot…but VINCE VAUGHN may have just hit the cougar JACKPOT. The not-always-reliable website MediaTakeOut.com says he’s dating VANESSA WILLIAMS. That would be Vanessa Williams…one of the stars of “Ugly Betty”…. and the woman who lost her crown as the first black Miss America back in 1984, after a photo shoot she’d done ended up in “Penthouse” after she’d won. The age difference isn’t all that drastic. She’s 44, he’s 37. But Vanessa has been married twice and has FOUR kids.
DONALD TRUMP IS GETTING HIS OWN DAYTIME TV SHOW:
DONALD TRUMP is developing a daily, half-hour syndicated TV show that he’ll star in. The concept has him working with real people to solve their financial disputes. If that doesn’t sound compelling enough, sources say it’s like a mix of “Dr. Phil” and “Judge Judy”. It’s tentatively scheduled to debut next fall.
MARIE OSMOND FAINTED ON “DANCING WITH THE STARS”
If you missed “Dancing with the Stars” last night, then you missed MARIA OSMOND FAINTING on live TV. Marie and her partner had just finished a samba, and were getting their comments from the judges…when Maria just DROPPED to the floor. Host TOM BERGERON quickly went to commercial. When the show returned, Marie was back up and looking embarrassed, waiting backstage for her scores. As far as game tactics go, fainting obviously doesn’t work. Marie got a “7″ from each judge, giving her a mediocre score of 21 out of 30. Bergeron says the first thing Marie said when she came to was, quote, “Oh crap.”
A 19-YEAR-OLD KID GETS CAUGHT DRIVING 118 MPH
A 19-year-old Florida man was arrested for driving more than 118 miles per hour!!! A Manatee County Sheriff’s Deputy clocked Zachary Skinner at 101 miles per hour Sunday. That deputy eventually got up to 118 mph just to keep up with the vehicle. And according to the Sheriff’s report, Skinner said he was afraid of being late and getting in trouble by his parents!!!!! Skinner told the arresting deputy that he was supposed to be home by dark and didn’t care about anything except for getting home on time. Skinner is charged with reckless driving.
A MAN IS ARRESTED FOR THE 108TH TIME IN 10 YEARS
They don’t keep a world record for the most times a person’s been ARRESTED…mostly because, I’m pretty sure, the people at “Guinness” don’t want people trying to BREAK that record. But if they do ever start keeping one I think we’ve found a contender. Last Wednesday, 29-year-old George “Squeeze” Dallas Junior of Orlando, Florida, was arrested for the 108TH TIME in the past 10 years. He was arrested on an outstanding warrant for violating his house arrest. Three weeks earlier, Dallas had been sent to jail for a prior drug arrest. He was sent home with an ankle monitor to wait for his trial. Between October 9th and 15th he left his house FIVE different times…so a warrant went out for his arrest. The 108 arrests have led to 17 convictions. He’s being held right now without bail.
NEW DELHI’S MAYOR ATTACKED BY WILD MONKEYS
You just don’t hear about things like this happening to major politicians over in this country. Yesterday, S.S. Bajawa, the deputy mayor of New Delhi, India, was at home, on his balcony, when a gang of monkeys swarmed him and attacked. He ended up falling off his balcony and dying on impact. Apparently, in New Delhi, lots of neighborhoods and buildings have been overrun by monkeys, which, mostly, bite people or try to grab their food. Last year, the Delhi High Court asked city officials…including Bajawa…to take steps to find a permanent solution for the monkey invasion. They never ended up acting on that. And the locals aren’t helping. Devout Hindus believe that monkeys are manifestations of the monkey god Hanuman…so they feed the monkeys bananas and peanuts…which keeps them coming back to public places.
