Mike and Mandy In The Morning!

Best picture this week (even though I cropped off the top of her head):

Since we’ve had Allie, we have not been able to go to the movies. But, this week we found a solution to our movie-celibacy…the DRIVE-IN!! Now, being that I spent a good portion of my “growing-up” years in Germany, I had never been to a drive-in, so I didn’t really know what to expect. The extent of my knowledge of drive-in’s goes from John Travolta’s “Stranded at the Drive-In” from the movie Grease…..to the scene in the movie Twister where a tornado hits a outdoor theater. But, now that I am an expert, let me tell you that….DRIVE-IN’s ROCK!

I cannot tell you how awesome it was to go to a current movie with our baby and NOT feel like we were disturbing anyone. Allie even enjoyed herself.

Meanwhile, Nutmeg (our dog) managed to give me yet ANOTHER reminder of how my housekeeping skills have been…um…lacking lately. Earlier this week, I felt the cold, hard stare of a pissed-off dog….and when I looked down, THIS is what I found:

Yeah, apparently I need to dust. <sigh>

I’ll leave you today with her latest “True Size Picture” (since she’s 5 months old now). Look at that tubby tummy!

A MAN IN FLORIDA RISKED HIS LIFE…TO SAVE A DROWNING BEAR???
Recently, a 365-pound black bear wandered into a neighborhood in Florida.  When residents noticed the bear wandering through the streets, they called the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission to take care of the problem.   A few officers were dispatched, and when they found the bear, they shot it with a tranquilizer dart.  Problem solved, right?   Not exactly…because after the bear was shot, it got scared and tried to escape by running into the ocean.  The only problem was that once it got out in the water, the effects of the tranquilizer dart kicked in…and the bear started to drown.  Now, most people would probably just let the bear sink…because what are you really going to do?  But a 29-year-old Fish and Wildlife officer named Adam Warwick actually jumped in after it…and dragged the partially-conscious bear back to shore.  According to Florida’s Fish and Wildlife Commission, the bear has been released in the state’s Osceola National Forest (–in the northern part of the state)…and Adam only got a few minor scratches during his rescue attempt. Check out some pictures of Adam rescuing the black bear…

A MAN PAID $2.1 MILLION TO HAVE LUNCH WITH WARREN BUFFETT:
There are rich guys…and then there are REALLY rich guys.  Allow me to illustrate the difference.  On Friday, a rich businessman from Hong Kong named Zhao Danyang (–pronounced “Jow-Don-Yahng”) bid $2.1 MILLION in a charity auction…just to have lunch with WARREN BUFFETT.  That makes Zhao a “certified rich guy”.  But the fact that he was willing to spend so much money just to pick Buffett’s brain over a sandwich?  Well, THAT makes Buffett a “certified REALLY rich guy”.  (And so does this.  Earlier this year, “Forbes” ranked Buffett as the richest person in the world.  He’s thought to have a net worth of around $62 BILLION.  To put that massive amount of money in perspective…if you made $6.2 million a year, you’d still have to work for 10,000 YEARS to earn $62 billion.)

A TEEN WAS DECAPITATED BY A ROLLERCOASTER…BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT TO WAIT IN LINE???
And here you go…even more proof that stupid people will NEVER run out of stupid ways to get themselves killed.  On Saturday, 17-year-old Asia Ferguson of Springfield, South Carolina, went to the Six Flags Over Georgia theme park with a church group.   But after Asia and his friend left the park to have lunch…they decided to sneak back into the park to avoid having to wait in line again (even though they’d already paid for admission).  So the boys climbed over two chain link fences, and ignored several signs that warned them they were entering a restricted area.  THAT turned out to be a major mistake. See, in order to get into the park, the boys had to make their way underneath the “Batman the Ride” rollercoaster.  Clearly, Asia wasn’t paying attention, and the rollercoaster struck him at 50 miles per hour…and completely SEVERED HIS HEAD. Officials at Six Flags say the Batman ride was closed yesterday…but they expect it to reopen today.

SERVICE:

I always though that “service” was the act of doing things for other people.

But, then I heard these terms which reference the word  “service:”

Internal Revenue “Service”
U.S. Postal  “Service”
Comcast Cable “Service
Bellsouth phone “Service”
Memphis City Government being in Civil “Service”
MLGW’s public “Service”
Customer “Service”
And “Service”  Stations

Then  I became confused about the word “service.”  This is not what I thought “service”  meant.  So today, I  overheard two farmers talking, and one  of  them said he had  hired a bull to “service” a few of  his cows. BAM!!!  .. It all came into perspective. Now  I understand what  all those “service” agencies are  doing to  us!

RUBEN STUDDARD IS MARRIED:
As expected, former “American Idol” winner RUBEN STUDDARD got married Saturday in Birmingham, Alabama.  And he did indeed have 20 groomsmen.  (–There’s no word if any of Ruben’s “Idol” friends made it.  As far as we know, he’s still tight with his Season Two runners-up, CLAY AIKEN and KIMBERLEY LOCKE.  But nobody’s reporting whether or not they were there.)  Ruben met his bride, Surata Zuri McCants, while signing CDs at an Atlanta Wal-Mart two years ago.  He thought she was so hot, he followed her to the toy department to get her phone number.  Here’s a wedding pic…

IS GUY RITCHIE TRYING TO SAVE HIS MARRIAGE???
The MADONNA / GUY RITCHIE divorce debacle continues.  Britain’s not-always-reliable “Sun” tabloid claims that Guy was planning to fly to New York this weekend in a last-ditch effort to save their marriage.  A so-called “source” says, quote, “It’s make-or-break time for Guy and Madonna.  She is completely focused on rehearsals for her tour in America and can’t come back to London.  They want to make the marriage work, but they are at a stalemate.”  Meanwhile, a rival British tabloid, the “Mirror”, claims both Madonna and Guy have already decided it’s over.  THEIR source says, quote, “They were both very calm.  Madonna told Guy, ‘I’m sorry, I want a divorce.’  And he agreed.  It was quite painless but very sad.” (Guy Ritchie’s MOTHER entered the debate over the weekend…calling all this divorce talk, quote, “TOTAL TOSH”.  Now we know.  I think.)

TWO WOMEN SAY THE DRUNK GUY THROWN OUT OF TIM MCGRAW’S CONCERT PUNCHED THEM…AND PULLED THEIR HAIR:
The two women TIM MCGRAW was trying to protect last Tuesday when he yanked the drunk, abusive redneck out of his Auburn, Washington concert are now telling their story…and it’s not pretty.  As you may recall, after this all came out, Marcus Nirschl swore he was only trying to return to his seat, and claimed that if there was any shoving, it wasn’t intentional.  But Tonia Hohagen and her sister, Rae Lynn Doughty, said Nirschl was an aggressive idiot who barreled his way through the crowd “like a linebacker”.  Rae Lynn told Tacoma’s “The News Tribune” that she noticed some shoving going on behind her…quote, “The next thing I know, my hair is being pulled.  I was shouting, ‘Ow!  Ow!  Ow!’”  Tonia jumped in and tried to get Marcus to let go of her sister.  This is where Tim stopped the show and pulled Marcus out of the crowd.  (–He was also kicked out of the venue, but was not arrested because, at the time, the police said there was no reportable crime.)  Marcus admits he tipped a few beers, but he’s denying he was drunk, quote, “I’m a big guy.  I can drink an 18-pack and still be sober.”

BICYCLIST COLLIDES WITH A BEAR!
When you ride a bike, there are a lot of potential road hazards.  Now you can add bears to the list.  Tim Egan was riding his bike downhill near Boulder, Colorado when he ran into a bear.  He told KUSA-TV he saw a blur and thought it was a “big dog.”  But as he hit the animal, he realized it was a bear with big teeth.  The bear was apparently as surprised to see Egan as Egan was to see the bear.    He described it as “almost like a cartoon when we collided.”  Egan and his bike went flying through the air.  The bear raised up on its back legs and stood there for a few moments before heading back into the woods.    A badly bruised Egan was happy his nephew was with him to see what happened because otherwise no one would believe him.

AN EXHIBITION OF ARTIFACTS FROM THE TITANIC HAS BEEN CLOSED…BECAUSE THERE WAS A FLOOD???
Who’s up for a little irony?  I know I am.  On Tuesday, an eight-inch water line underneath a sidewalk in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, burst.   As a result, half a foot of water poured into the city’s SportsWorks building…which just happened to be hosting an exhibit called “Titanic:  The Artifacts Exhibition”.  Pittsburgh city officials say they don’t know what caused the pipe to burst…but the 260 artifacts which were recovered from the shipwreck (–that means they used to be in the OCEAN) are undamaged.   The exhibit should be open this weekend.

TO AVOID PAYING FOR GAS, PEOPLE ARE TOPPING OFF RENTED U-HAUL TRUCKS WITH WATER:
I’ve just heard something disturbing, and I wanted to throw this out there to let everyone know that what they’re doing isn’t cool.  Apparently, as gas prices have continued to go up…people everywhere have managed to conjure up new ways to avoid spending money on gas.  So what’s the newest way people are getting out of buying gas?  When they return the U-Haul they rented…they’re topping off the tank with water instead of gas.  Now, if you know anything about cars, you know that putting water in the gas tank is seriously bad news…and every time it happens, it costs U-Haul around $2,000 to repair the engine.

JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT….
I guess this isn’t new to the Internet, but it was new to us when we saw it yesterday.  It’s an old, school picture of GEORGE CLOONEY.  If this is your first time seeing it, you WILL laugh out loud…

THE MADONNA DIVORCE RUMORS ARE RUNNING RAMPANT:
Rumors of a split between MADONNA and GUY RITCHIE blew up pretty huge yesterday.  The latest word is that Madonna is seeking legal advice from divorce attorney FIONA SHACKLETON.  She’s the woman who represented PAUL MCCARTNEY in his divorce from HEATHER MILLS.  As you probably recall, Heather ended up with a $50 million settlement…and poured a jug of water over Shackleton’s head on her way out of the courtroom.  Shackleton was also on PRINCE CHARLES’ legal team when he divorced DIANA.

THE GUY THAT TIM MCGRAW TOSSED OUT OF HIS CONCERT THOUGHT TIM PULLED HIM ON STAGE TO DANCE WITH HIM:
Yesterday, the whole world saw a video of TIM MCGRAW yanking some beefy redneck out of his Auburn, Washington concert because the guy appeared to be hitting a woman.  Well, that man, Marcus Nirschl…who’s a union glazer from Kent, Washington…is now telling his side of the story.  “I was just making my way up to my seat because I wanted to be up there when (Tim) started ‘Indian Outlaw’.  I was getting shoved up against some empty seats, and I may have pushed some people when I was trying to get my balance.  At this point in the chaos, Marcus’s cowboy hat fell off and he bent down to get it…and THAT’S when he felt someone tugging on him.  Quote, “Tim grabbed me by the back of my belt and pulled me up and then threw me across the stage.  And then I see his fist is back, ready to punch me.  I still don’t understand it.” And yet, after all he’s been through, Marcus says he’ll be BACK in the audience the next time Tim comes to town, quote, “I still like the guy.  The music’s still great.  I just don’t know why he wanted to punch me.” If you’d like to see the video, click here.

FROM THE “BIG ‘D’” (Madonna’s divorce story) TO “I DO!”
“Us Weekly” claims that JAKE GYLLENHAAL has moved into REESE WITHERSPOON’S Los Angeles home.  A so-called “source” says, quote, “Marriage is definitely what they are working toward.”

GOLFER VS SKYDIVER

(Q.) What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

(A.) A bad golfer goes, WHACK! DANG! A bad skydiver goes, DANG! WHACK!

77% OF PEOPLE SAY THAT ON MOST VACATIONS THEY HAVE SOME SORT OF “DIGESTIVE DISTRESS”:
Vacations can wreak havoc on your digestive system.  According to a survey by Conde Nast Publications, 77% of people say that on most of their vacations, they have some sort of “digestive distress”.  The breakdown of that 77%:  42% constipation, 35% diarrhea.  Most people blame their issues on eating poorly, not getting a lot of sleep, vacation stress and dehydration.  Leslie Bonci, the director of sports nutrition at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, says you can keep yourself regular on vacation by eating things like prunes as snacks. . . taking vitamins. . . and drinking chamomile tea.

OFFICIALS IN MADISON, WISCONSIN, ARE CONSIDERING BANNING DRIVE-THRU WINDOWS . . . BECAUSE THEY’RE BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT???
Last week, members of a city planning group in Madison, Wisconsin, called the Madison Plan Commission, proposed banning all drive-thru windows from the city’s restaurants . . . because they’re bad for the environment.  A spokesman for the Plan Commission said that with all the carbon we spew into the atmosphere, quote, “I’m not sure we should be building more places for people to sit idling in their cars”.  Apparently, Madison isn’t the first city to consider banning drive-thru windows.  Several Canadian cities are considering banning the windows . . . and San Luis Obispo, California, already has a drive-thru window ban in place.

TRYING TO SAVE CASH?  WHY NOT BUY A PRE-OWNED BURIAL PLOT???
With the U.S. economy is in the crapper . . . here’s one way people are saving a little money . . . that might not have occurred to you.  According to Mike Nicodemus of the Cremation Association of North America (–yeah, they have a group . . . weird), it used to be common for people to drop $10,000 on a funeral.  But now that the economy’s in such bad shape, quote, “people are scaling back and looking at [paying no more than] six or seven thousand” on a funeral.  If you’d like to save a few bucks on YOUR funeral, here are some tips that might help:
#1.)  Try cremation instead of a burial.  On average, cremation costs $4,500 LESS than a burial service.  Why?  Because cremation eliminates the need for an expensive casket and vault.
#2.)  Buy a pre-owned burial plot.  No, this doesn’t mean your final resting place will be stacked on top of someone else’s.  It means people have bought burial plots . . . which they’ve decided not to use.  (If you’re interested in picking up a pre-owned burial plot on the cheap, you can do that here: http://www.plotexchange.com/)

MUSHROOM JOKE

A mushroom walked into a bar and the bartender says, “We don’t serve mushrooms here.”

The mushroom says, “Why not, I’m a fungi.”

Curious how YOU’D look after a little aesthetic augmentation?  We found a website that allows you to upload a picture and give yourself virtual cosmetic surgery . . . to see what you’d look like if you REALLY had some work done.  To check it out, click here.

DID JESSICA SIMPSON ANNOUNCE WEDDING PLANS ON “THE VIEW” YESTERDAY???
Here’s some pretty huge news:  JESSICA SIMPSON and TONY ROMO are still in love.  On “The View” yesterday, Jessica said, quote, “We’ve been together for . . . seven to almost eight months now.  “I don’t really know about wedding bells . . . I still love him, and I’m still with him, so that’s a good sign.”

AN ANGRY TIM MCGRAW PULLED AN ABUSIVE REDNECK OUT OF THE CROWD
TIM MCGRAW did some crowd control of his own at his concert Tuesday night in Auburn, Washington.  Tim had just launched into “Indian Outlaw” when he saw some big ol’ redneck in a wifebeater T-shirt attack a woman. Tim was NOT okay with that misbehavior so he reached down and started pulling the guy onto the stage.  Once on stage, Tim SHOVED him hard and the guy went stumbling backwards. The man finally realized what was happening so he threw up his hands, ready to throw down!!  Tim was ready too.  He cocked his fist . . . but security stepped in and hauled the guy away. Tim’s band knows how to handle a stage confrontation because they didn’t stop playing the whole time.  So, once order was restored, Tim calmly walked back to the microphone and launched into this rather ironic lyric, quote, “I’m not lookin’ for trouble.”

AND NOW, THE ALL-IMPORTANT QUESTION:  WHAT’S ON BARACK OBAMA’S IPOD???
Thank the Lord we have “Rolling Stone” magazine to ask the presidential candidates the questions that MATTER.  You know, like . . . “What’s on your iPod???” For tomorrow’s issue, “Rolling Stone” did indeed ask BARACK OBAMA what he’s got on his.  And his selections include the following . . .
–BOB DYLAN
–BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
–Superstar cellist YO YO MA
–JAY-Z
–THE ROLLING STONES
–ELTON JOHN
–EARTH, WIND AND FIRE
–STEVIE WONDER

A WOMAN IN GEORGIA DIED…BECAUSE SHE CLIMBED INSIDE HER FREEZER TO COOL OFF???
It’s officially summer…and that means the weather’s about to get REALLY hot.  But no matter how desperate YOU are to stay cool, please don’t do anything THIS stupid…On Sunday, 42-year-old Billie Welty of Jefferson, Georgia (–northeast of Atlanta), was found dead inside a chest freezer in her garage.  Apparently, Billie and her husband have been separated for about a year.  But on Sunday, he stopped by with their 12-year-old daughter to check on Billie.  When Billie didn’t answer the door, her husband sneaked into the house through an unlocked back door…only to find Billie inside the freezer.  The husband called 911…but Billie had already been dead for at least several hours.  According to a neighbor, Billie might have been drinking when she got the idea to sit inside her freezer to cool off…because apparently she’d been complaining about how hot it was in her condominium ever since her air conditioner broke.

THERE’S A DOG IN TENNESSEE THAT HAS MODEL AIRPLANE WHEELS FOR LEGS:
There’s a tiny Maltese puppy named Hope at the Southern Comfort Maltese Rescue in Chattanooga, Tennessee, that was born with NO front legs.  At first, Hope got around by hopping on her back legs…but a veterinarian warned rescue workers that Hope would eventually damage her bones and spine.    So an orthotist (–which is someone who designs prosthetics) named David Turnbill stepped in and developed a device which would help the puppy get around…by using model airplane wheels in place of Hope’s missing front legs.  According to David, the wheels are spring-loaded, and hook to a custom-fitted chest plate…which allows Hope to lie or sit down without removing the wheels.  And since the prosthetic arms move independently of one another, Hope can pretty much run and move around just like any other dog.  Here are some pictures of Hope.

AIRPORT SECURITY COLLECTS THE LOOSE CHANGE YOU LEAVE BEHIND…AND LAST YEAR THEY COLLECTED $1 MILLION OF IT:
You know how when you go through airport security, you have to empty your pockets and put all your loose change and other stuff into one of those plastic bins?  Well, apparently, A LOT of people either forget, or just don’t care enough to reclaim their coins after they go through the X-ray machine.  Because in the last three years, the Transportation Security Administration, or TSA, has collected $1 MILLION in loose change left by passengers at security checkpoints.  According to the TSA, they use the money to defray security costs.  (In case you’re wondering, passengers at Los Angeles International Airport have left the MOST money behind.  Since 2004, the TSA has collected $89,375 from passengers at LAX. And according to the TSA, passengers at Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport in Tennessee leave the LEAST money behind.  Last year, passengers there left only $1.20 in loose change.)

DON IMUS SAYS HE WAS JUST TRYING TO “MAKE A SARCASTIC POINT”:
As expected, DON IMUS addressed his latest racial controversy on his show yesterday morning.  He said he was just trying to, quote, “make a sarcastic point” about the unfair treatment of blacks.  He said, quote, “What people should be outraged about is that they arrest blacks for no reason.  I mean, there’s no reason to arrest this kid six times.  Maybe he did something once, but everyone does something once.”  He also pointed out that he would have to be, quote, “insane” to insult African Americans after what happened to him last year…plus he reminded everybody about the fact that his show now includes a black producer and two black co-hosts.  Pacman himself…who actually doesn’t like being called Pacman anymore…said, quote, “I’m upset, and I hope the station he works for handles it accordingly.  I will pray for him.”  Imus’ station…WABC in New York City…has already said it probably wont’ take disciplinary action against Imus.

SHAQUILLE O’NEAL HAS LOST HIS STATUS AS A COP IN MARICOPA COUNTY, ARIZONA:
Apparently, some of the lyrics in Shaquille O’Neal’s rap about Kobe last weekend has been considered conduct unbecoming a police officer in Maricopa County, Arizona.  Maricopa Sheriff JOE ARPAIO has stripped SHAQUILLE O’NEAL of his status as a special deputy and an honorary colonel, after Shaq went off on Kobe during a freestyle rap Sunday night.  Arpaio says, quote, “I want his two badges back, because if any one of my deputies did something like this, they’re fired.  I don’t condone this type of racial conduct.”  Luckily, Shaq is STILL the law in Miami.  Miami Beach Police Chief Carlos Noriega says, quote, “Shaquille O’Neal is a member in good standing of the Miami Beach police Department.  He is a valuable asset to our organization and the city of Miami Beach.” (No word yet from the Los Angeles Port Authority…where Shaq is a reserve officer.)

BRITNEY SPEARS CAN NOW HAVE OVERNIGHTS WITH HER BOYS:
BRITNEY SPEARS and KEVIN FEDERLINE had a custody hearing yesterday…and Britney got some good news:  She can have her kids overnight again…starting this weekend.  A court spokesman said, quote, “Both sides have been very cooperative the past couple of weeks.”  Both Britney and your man K-Fed left the court looking happy.  Two-year-old Sean Preston and 21-month-old Jayden James are tentatively scheduled to spend Saturday night with Britney.

THE BIGGEST TWINS OF THE CENTURY?

A Winston-Salem, North Carolina mom has given birth to this century’s second heaviest set of twin babies.  Thirty-six-year-old Erin Maynard’s new baby girl and boy entered the world one week ago today weighing in at a combined 23-pounds-one-ounce.  Laid end to end, the babies measure over four-feet in length.  Sean William came first during the Caesarean section weighing ten-pounds-14-ounces, followed two minutes later by his sister Abigail Rose who weighed a whopping 12-pounds-three-ounces.    The twins’ father Joey Maynard said, quote, “it’s kind of mind boggling.  I just can’t wrap my head around it.”  Both parents and doctors are confused as to why the babies weighed so much when the mom didn’t resort to any extreme diet during the pregnancy.  Maynard gave birth to a ten-pound-seven-ounce son two years ago.  She said, quote, “for some reason, I grow big babies.  I don’t know why, I just do.”

BUSINESS AT NEVADA’S BROTHELS IS DOWN 45%

By now, you probably know all about how Americans are getting royally bent over by high gas prices.  But if you want to get an idea of just how bad things have gotten . . . check THIS out . . . According to the Nevada Brothel Owners’ Association, revenues at many of the state’s legal brothels are down by as much as 45% . . . and some have even been forced to shut down.  Why?  Because TRUCKERS have always been a steady source of business for the brothels of Nevada.  But with diesel fuel hovering around $4.69 a gallon (–which is $1.89 MORE than just a year ago) . . . truckers have less disposable income to blow on the world’s oldest profession.

THERE’S A NEW TERRORISM-THEMED RESTAURANT IN LEBANON:

You know what Americans love?  Theme restaurants.  From the Hard Rock Café to TGI Friday’s . . . there’s just something about walls covered in nostalgic crap that we can’t resist.  But, apparently, people in other parts of the world like theme restaurants, too . . . because a new theme restaurant called Buns and Guns has just opened in Beirut, Lebanon.  The thing is . . . the theme of Buns and Guns isn’t quite as family-friendly as the theme restaurants here the States because at Buns and Guns, the theme of the restaurant . . . is terrorism.  (–And FYI . . . their motto is, quote, “a sandwich can kill you”.  Clever, no?)  So what’s the Buns and Guns experience like?  Weapons and ammunition decorate the walls and counter . . . and camouflage netting hangs from the ceiling.  And instead of classic oldies pumping through the PA system, Buns and Guns plays a tape . . . with the sounds of gunfire.  As for the food, you can order up a “Kalashnikov”, the “Dragunov”, a “B52″ or an “RPG sandwich”.  (In case you aren’t a war buff, the food items are all named after weapons. )

TEXTING CONFUSES A BLONDE

A Blonde asks a Brunette…….”What does IDK mean?”

The Brunette answers “I Don’t Know..”

The Blonde replies “OMG! Nobody does!”

AMERICAN IDOL RUNNER-UP BLAKE LEWIS, DROPPED BY HIS RECORD LABEL???
There are unconfirmed reports online that (beat-boxing “American Idol” runner-up) BLAKE LEWIS has been dropped by his label, Arista.  (–Blake, of course, came in second to JORDIN SPARKS last year, on the sixth season of “Idol”.)  His debut album, “A.D.D. (Audio Day Dream)”, has only sold around 300,000 copies since it dropped back in December.  (–Arista has previously dropped former “Idol” superstars RUBEN STUDDARD and KATHARINE MCPHEE.)

SHAQ BLAMED KOBE FOR BREAKING UP HIS MARRIAGE IN ONE OF HIS EXPERT FREESTYLE RAPS:
SHAQUILLE O’NEAL was at a New York City club Sunday night, doing what he does NOT do best:  Freestyle rapping.  Shaq ripped KOBE BRYANT pretty hard . . . first because the Lakers lost the NBA finals to the Boston Celtics.  He said, quote, “Last week Kobe couldn’t do without me.”  Then, he blamed Kobe for the breakup of his own marriage, with this MASTERFUL rhyme . . . quote, “I’m a horse / Kobe ratted me out, that’s why I’m getting divorced.”  We’re assuming here that Shaq was talking about what Kobe said to Colorado police during his 2003 rape case.  He told them that he, quote, “should have done what Shaq does…Shaq would pay his women not to say anything.”

DON IMUS IS INVOLVED IN A NEW RACIAL CONTROVERSY:
DON IMUS may have screwed himself again.  On his show yesterday, Imus was discussing the many legal troubles of NFL star ADAM “PACMAN” JONES . . . including his suspension for the entire 2007 season over a shooting at a Las Vegas Nightclub.  Imus asked co-host WARNER WOLF, quote, “What color is he?”  When Wolf told him Pacman is African American, Imus responded, quote, “WELL, THERE YOU GO.”  (!!!!!!!!!!)  As you might expect, AL SHARPTON jumped on this immediately.  He said, “We will determine in the next day or so whether or not his remark warrants direct action on our part as we did in April of last year.”  Imus already gave a brief explanation to the “New York Times” yesterday . . . claiming that he pretty much meant the OPPOSITE of what people are assuming.  He said, quote, “I meant he was BEING PICKED ON BECAUSE HE’S BLACK.”

According to a new study from the University of British Columbia in Canada, having an unpopular first name makes you more likely to be a juvenile delinquent. Having a popular name like Michael, Matthew or Christopher is a sure sign that you’ll lead a crime-free life.  But having a less popular name like Alec, Ernest, Ivan or Malcolm means just the opposite.  The study looked at the first names of 15,021 males born between 1987 and 1991, in a, quote, “large unnamed American state,” and calculated the most popular names.  Then it compared those names to the first names of male juvenile offenders from 1997 to 2005.  The results showed that, regardless of race, the more rare, unique, and unpopular the name, the more likely it was to belong to a juvenile offender.  The study also showed that juveniles with unique or unpopular names tended to live in the more disadvantaged counties of the state.  Here’s a list of the most popular baby names of 2007….

YOU CAN GET MARRIED IN SPACE…FOR ONLY $2.2 MILLION:
Ladies…are you trying to plan a non-traditional wedding that will impress your friends and family?  Well if so, why not get married…in outer space?  Seriously.  There’s a Japanese company called First Advantage which will be accepting applications for, quote, “Space Weddings” starting on July 1st.  According to the company, the couple…along with a priest, a pilot and two guests…will get on a commercial spaceship called the Rocketplane XP, and exchange vows…62 miles above the Earth’s surface.  (–That’s more than 327,000 feet above the ground)  First Advantage will also provide an original wedding dress for the bride, a wedding reception on the ground, transportation to and from the launch site…and a live web feed, so friends and relatives back on Earth can view the wedding over the Internet.  The first Space Wedding won’t take place until 2011.  But if you’re still interested, you can get ALL THIS…for only $2.2 MILLION.  (–So you know, couples who book a space wedding will have to take a four-day training course…and they’ll only be in space for about an hour.  Check out some pictures of the Rocketplane XP….)

SOME GUY WANTS TO START A NEW LIFE…SO HE’S SELLING HIS OLD LIFE ON EBAY:
Back in 2001, Ian Usher moved from Britain to Australia after marrying his girlfriend Laura.  But Laura dumped Ian after 12 years together…and found some other guy.  So poor Ian was stuck in the brand new house that the couple had built, surrounded by pictures of Laura and the stuff they had bought together.  Then one day Ian decided to stop moping and came up with a plan to ditch the reminders of Laura and start a new life.  So he put his old life up for sale on eBay.  You heard that right…Ian is selling his entire life on eBay.  Everything from his old life, including:  A house with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, all the furniture, a spa, a home entertainment system, a 1989 Mazda 929, all his camping, sky-diving, and camera equipment, and his friends.  Yes…Ian’s selling a meet-and-greet with 8 of his closest friends where you’ll have the chance to take Ian’s place.  And finally…Ian’s selling his job.  You get a two-week trial at Ian’s old job at a rug store where he holds the coveted title of store assistant.  The last time we checked, the bid for Ian’s life on eBay was up to $2.2 MILLION.  Click here to visit Ian’s official site to see everything that’s included in the package.  Or, click here to see his eBay auction.

A MAN IN AUSTRALIA USED 5,800 BEER BOTTLES…TO BUILD HIS HOUSE???
Ordinarily, if someone told me they’d saved thousands of beer bottles to build a house, I’d say that person had a serious drinking problem…and some serious mental issues.  That said…THIS is pretty cool.  There’s a guy in Lightning Ridge, Australia named Arthur Germaine (–his age wasn’t give, but he looks like he’s in his 70s) who collected 5,800 beer bottles over 40 years…which he used to build his house.  Here’s a picture of Authur’s house….

“COUNTRY” DIVORCE

A farmer walks into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asks, “May I help you?”

The farmer says, “Yeah. I want to get one of those dee-vorces.”

The attorney asks, “Well, do you have any grounds?”

The farmer replies, “Yeah. I got about 140 acres.”

The attorney says, “No, you don’t understand. Do you have a case?”

The farmer says, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”

The attorney says, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”

The farmer says, “Yeah, I got a grudge. That’s where I park my John Deere.”

The attorney says, “No, sir, I mean do you have a suit?”

The farmer says, “Yessir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney says, “Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”

The farmer says, “No, sir, we both get up about 4:30.”

Finally, the attorney asks, “Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”

And the farmer replies, “Well, I cain’t never have a meaningful conversation with her!”

***GEORGE CARLIN – (1937 – 2008)***
Comedy genius GEORGE CARLIN died last night of heart failure at the age of 71.  He admitted himself to a hospital in Santa Monica, California yesterday afternoon, complaining of chest pains, and died a little before 6:00 P.M.  Carlin had a history of heart problems, including several heart attacks.  He was also treated for dependency on alcohol and painkillers back in 2004.  George Carlin’s first big break was making regular appearances on JOHNNY CARSON’S “Tonight Show” in the 1960s.  But it was his stand-up routines in the 1970s and ’80s that made his name synonymous with dark, edgy, observational humor.  His anti-establishment stance, counter-culture leanings, and unpredictable performing style made him a legend among stand-up comedians…and his infamous SEVEN DIRTY WORDS routine…(–from his 1972 album “Class Clown”)…was his best and most memorable.  He was also the first person to ever host “Saturday Night Live”, way back on October 11th, 1975.  His last stand-up performance took place a week ago at the Orleans Casino in Las Vegas.

WATCH SOME SURFERS BEAT DOWN PHOTOGRAPHERS WHO ARE TRYING TO FILM MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY:
A really crazy situation erupted when the paparazzi tried to film MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY surfing at the beach in Malibu on Sunday.  About 12 photographers got swarmed on by other surfers…(who probably had no connection with Matthew whatsoever)…and VIOLENCE quickly ensued.  One photographer got hit in the face and supposedly suffered a broken nose.  Another was thrown into some rocks and had his camera broken.  Nobody has been arrested yet, but one of the photographers filed a battery report.  Matthew McConaughey was NOT involved in this insanity.  It’s not even clear if he knew it was happening.  There’s video…which you can check out below.  It’s pretty crazy.  One photographer actually tries to fight back by swinging his camera stand at the belligerent surfers.  But he’s quickly disarmed and endures a minor beat-down for his efforts…  Click here to see the video.

HEATHER MILLS HAS A MANTASTIC NEW BOYFRIEND:
HEATHER MILLS has a new boyfriend.  He may not be the richest, most important rock star who ever lived…but in the looks category, he’s got it all over PAUL MCCARTNEY.  His name is Jamie Walker.  He’s 36 years old…(–Heather is 41)…and he works at a hotel Heather stayed at recently with her daughter Beatrice.