Mike and Mandy In The Morning!

A BODY WAS FOUND ENCASED IN ICE IN AN ABANDONED DETROIT BUILDING:  (!!!)
Are you having a bad day?  Is the weather kind of crappy?  Or are you having a hard time paying your bills?  Well, no matter what’s got you upset this morning . . . try telling your story to this dead guy in Detroit.  Last week, some people were playing hockey in an abandoned warehouse in Detroit when they found a dead man in an elevator shaft whose entire body . . . except for his feet . . . was completely ENCASED IN THREE FEET OF SOLID ICE.  But listen to this . . . instead of calling the police, the guys just kept on playing hockey.  And no one even bothered to call and report the dead body . . . until two days ago. The police don’t know the dead man’s identity yet . . . but there are a lot of homeless people in the area, and they think he might have been one of them.

SUSPECT HIDES IN SUITCASE
Boulder, Colorado sheriff’s deputies went to a motel earlier this week looking for a man wanted on two misdemeanor warrants. When they knocked on the door of the motel room, they were greeted by a woman. She closed the door but reopened it a few minutes later and allowed the deputies inside. In a corner, the deputies saw a suitcase that appeared to move. When officers started to unzip the suitcase, 54-year-old Wayne Pierce – the man they were looking for – tumbled out.

A FAMILY IN ILLINOIS GOT 445 CREDIT CARD SOLICITATIONS IN A YEAR:
Have you ever wondered just how many credit card solicitations you get in the mail every year?  Well, a guy named Gary Silbar of Highland Park, Illinois, decided to find out.  So he collected every credit card application that was sent to his family from November 2007 to October 2008, and by the end of his “study”, he’d received 445 applications . . . including 35 that were addressed to his sons…8-year-old Max and 11-year-old Jake.  If you’re keeping track, that means Gary got more than one credit card solicitation per day…including 110 just from Chase Bank alone.  Overall, the stack of unwanted solicitations weighed 23 pounds.

Raw eggs before being put in the microwave….

The eggs waiting for their fate….

After the fact…

According to the Egg-o-meter, the Steelers will lose the Super Bowl!

To see the video, click here.

RIDING THE BUS

You  are on the bus when you suddenly realize … you need to pass wind.

The  music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat.

After a couple  of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop..

As you are  leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that’s when you  realized……you have been listening to your  iPod.

17 RESTAURANT EMPLOYEES IN MICHIGAN VOLUNTARILY WORKED A SHIFT FOR FREE…JUST TO HELP OUT THEIR BOSS:
Over the past few months, business has been a little slower than usual at Mr. B’s Pancake House in Muskegon, Michigan.  So in order to help out the restaurant’s owner…a guy named Dave Barham…17 servers, cooks, busboys, dishwashers, cashiers and hostesses all decided to work a shift two Sundays ago…FOR FREE.  Why’d they do it? It seems Dave is a pretty decent guy…and he’s dipped into his own pockets more than a few times in order to meet payroll.  According to one of the servers at the restaurant, quote, “This is a wonderful business.  We want to see it succeed…We wish we could have saved [Dave] $5,000.  We wanted to give back to him, lighten the load a little.”  At the end of the shift, the employees divided up the tips and they each took home $51.

A KID FROM PENNSYLVANIA TRIED TO MUFFLE AN M80 EXPLOSION BY PUTTING IT…BETWEEN HIS THIGHS???
Have you ever wondered why fireworks are illegal?  After all, you’re a responsible adult…so why shouldn’t you be allowed to light off a bottle rocket every now and then?  Well, if you’re looking for someone to blame, you can thank idiots like THIS GUY for ruining everyone’s good time . . .On January 10th, 17-year-old Wesley Kimmick of Latrobe, Pennsylvania, was messing around with an M80 he’d found in his grandma’s house…by lighting and extinguishing the fuse.  (If you don’t know, an M80 is a large firecracker…which is basically a quarter stick of dynamite.) But when the fuse wouldn’t go out, Wesley panicked and, in an attempt to muffle the explosion, he stuffed the dynamite BETWEEN HIS THIGHS…and covered it with his hand.  Unfortunately, all Wesley managed to do was BLOW OFF his right hand and leg.  Wesley is still in the hospital recovering (–and probably feeling very, very stupid).

STUPID CRIMINALS
A Memphis man named Bryan Williams thought he’d stolen a mini-gold mine when he snatched Ken Lumpkin’s customized bike…but he failed to take into account how unique a customized bike actually is….and therefore how recognizable they are.  Let us explain;  Cort Percer, head of sales at Peddler Bike Shop on Highland, received a call from Williams saying he wanted to sell the bike, but as he described it….Percer recognized the bike immediately because he had helped build it for Ken Lumpkin. So,  Percer asked our Stupid Criminal, Williams to bring the bike in for “appraisal”  Percer called the owner, Lumpkin to verify it had been stolen…and then called the police.  When Williams showed up to sell the bike, the cops were waiting for him.   He has been booked for theft.  STUPID CRIMINALS!! Lumpkin said he was sick about losing his bike and thrilled to get it back in good condition.  He said it renewed his faith in the Memphis Police Department….. . And contributed to the entertainment value that we get with….. . . STUPID CRIMINALS!!!!

BLONDE SNOWMAN

Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

JENNIFER ANISTON HAS THE FIGURE MOST WOMEN WANT THIS YEAR:
Two Beverly Hills plastic surgeons by the name of Richard Fleming and Toby Mayer put out an annual list of the celebrity body parts most desired by their clients over the past year.  This year, the overall body type that ladies hoped to emulate with a little surgical help was that of JENNIFER ANISTON.  She was followed by GISELE BUNDCHEN and JESSICA BIEL.  When it comes to LIPS, women overwhelmingly asked for the ANGELINA JOLIE look.  She was followed by ANNE HATHAWAY and ROSARIO DAWSON.   When women go in for NOSE jobs, the celebrity they most want to come out looking like is KATHERINE HEIGL.  AMY ADAMS and MICHELLE WILLIAMS were her runners-up.  In terms of OVERALL PHYSIQUE, most guys would like to be sculpted in the manner of HUGH JACKMAN.  After that, the highest requests were for ERIC DANE and MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY.

DID JENNIFER ANISTON TURN DOWN “PLAYBOY”???
I can hear men all over the Mid South saying this:  “Forget about the economy…THIS is the worst news I’ve heard in the past year!”  The “National Enquirer” claims that JENNIFER ANISTON turned down an offer to pose nude in “Playboy”.  Supposedly, HUGH HEFNER offered her $4 million up front…plus a bonus for higher-than-normal magazine sales that could have pushed her take to as much as $10 million.  (–Jennifer turns 40 on February 11th…and she still looks AMAZING.) Speaking of Jennifer Aniston…the “Star” tabloid says she and JOHN MAYER are still together.  In case you care.

CHECK OUT JAKE GYLLENHAAL KICKING A PAPARAZZI SCUMBAG IN THE LEG:
The way celebrities get hounded by the paparazzi, you really can’t blame them for lashing out every once in a while.  JAKE GYLLENHAAL was on his way to JURY DUTY yesterday…and being followed by some dude with a camera.  So, just as Jake was about to enter the courthouse, he kicked his leg backward and stomped the guy’s shin. (You can’t see the actual kick, but it’s still kind of amusing.  And I love how the guy…who probably wasn’t the least bit hurt…tells Jake that he ASSAULTED him . . .)

Allow me to set the stage.  You take one playful baby….
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Add one sweet dog….
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Mix well and act like Mommy isn’t looking….
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Allow to “stew” for 5 minutes and you’ll get this:
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And this….
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Then, separate the two “love birds” and you get…..death-stares from the dog…
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And “dagger eyes” from the baby.
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Just remember this:  In 5 years you’ll think this was totally gross.

To see a list of UPDATED school closings, you can visit these links:

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Action News 5

ABC 24 Eyewitness News

TWO DIFFERENT DOCTOR’S OFFICES

(Boy, if this doesn’t hit the nail on the head, I don’t know what does!)

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day, and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn’t reviewed for another week and fin ally has his surgery scheduled for a month from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Next time take me to a vet!

THE COACH OF THE HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL TEAM THAT WON A GAME 100-0 HAS BEEN FIRED:
Last week, it became big news when the girl’s basketball team from a private, Christian high school in the Dallas area called The Covenant School, defeated a small school for kids with learning disabilities called the Dallas Academy…by a score of 100 to ZERO.  Anyway, last Thursday The Covenant School posted a statement on its website reading, quote, “It is shameful and an embarrassment that this happened.  This clearly does not reflect a Christ-like and honorable approach to competition.”  Then on Sunday, the coach of The Covenant School’s team…a guy named Micah Grimes…sent an email to the “Dallas Morning News” saying, quote: “We played the game as it was meant to be played.  My values and my beliefs would not allow me to run up the score on any opponent, and it will not allow me to apologize for a wide-margin victory when my girls played with honor and integrity.”  Well, later that day…Coach Grimes was FIRED by the school.  (For the record, school officials have refused to say whether Coach Grimes’ firing was the direct result of his email to the newspaper…but they don’t really have to say it, now do they?)

THE POLICE WERE CALLED TO A RESTAURANT IN INDIANA AFTER PATRONS THREW A FIT WHEN THE BUFFET RAN OUT OF STEAK:
I’m sure you enjoy a solid buffet spread as much as the next guy…but would you cause a scene if the buffet ran out of your favorite item? On Sunday, a, quote, “heated verbal exchange” broke out at the Golden Corral restaurant in Schererville, Indiana, and the police were called in to handle the situation.  So what was the problem?   It seems one unidentified woman was so upset that the buffet had run out of STEAK that she requested a refund…but management refused to give her money back.  According to the police, there were no injuries or arrests…but the Golden Corral was forced to close early that night at 7:15 P.M. instead of its usual closing time of 9:00 P.M.

WOMAN FALLS 90 FEET INTO VAT OF GRAPES
A Ukrainian woman survived a nearly 100-foot fall from her apartment after she landed in a vat of grapes. Ludmilla Basko, 29, tumbled from her 9th floor home in Uzhgorod, Ukraine, as she cleaned her windows. But her fall was broken by the giant container of grapes harvested from a nearby vineyard.  (I’m thinking her fall was CAUSED by a small container of grapes harvested from a nearby vineyard, if you get my drift.)

SNOW IN MEMPHIS

One winter morning a husband and wife in Memphis, TN were listening to the radio during breakfast.  They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.” So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.” The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park…”

Then the electric power went out.  The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”

SENATOR OPRAH WINFREY
Did you happen to catch disgraced Illinois Governor ROD BLAGOJEVICH on “Good Morning America” yesterday???  Among the usual insane Blagojevich ramblings was the revelation that he was allegedly considering OPRAH WINFREY to fill BARACK OBAMA’S vacant Senate seat.  Not that Oprah ever knew about it…and not that she would have taken the gig anyway.  She said, quote, “Where would I fit it in with my day job, my night job, my radio job, my magazine job?  I think I could be senator, too…I’m just not interested.”  (Speaking of Oprah and all her other interests…”Fortune” magazine just dropped a list of the 50 Most Powerful Women in Business.  Oprah came in at #8.)

MORE ON CARRIE UNDERWOOD’S NEW BOYFRIEND!!!!
Although there’s still no confirmation…Nashville’s WKRN-TV says CARRIE UNDERWOOD was spotted hanging around town with her “boyfriend”, hockey stud MIKE FISHER, (who plays center for the Ottawa Senators). That’s all we got.  (Earlier this month, Canada’s “Ottawa Citizen” said Carrie was at one of Mike’s games hanging out in a private suite with his family.)

DONNY OSMOND WILL BE ON “DANCING WITH THE STARS” THIS SEASON:
ABC has yet to announce the “celebrities” participating on the upcoming season of “Dancing with the Stars”…but DONNY OSMOND, who apparently WILL be one of those stars, just couldn’t keep the secret to himself any longer.  Donny and his sister, MARIE OSMOND, were taping an episode of “The Bonnie Hunt Show”…which will air TODAY…when he blurted it out.  “I’ll say I am seriously considering doing it, let’s put it that way.”  Then, laughing, he added, quote, “I guess I just let the cat out of the bag.  I can’t let my sister upstage me.  Besides, who do you think taught her how to dance?”  (The eighth season of “Dancing” will debut on March 9th.)

A FIGHT BROKE OUT BETWEEN SERBIAN AND BOSNIAN FANS AT THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN ON FRIDAY:
In case you didn’t know, Serbians and Bosnians don’t really like each other that much.  Actually, they HATE each other.  Anyway, on Friday, a Serbian tennis player named Novak Djokovic beat a Bosnian-born tennis player named Amer Delic at the Australian Open.  But after the match, a bunch of Serbian and Bosnian fans got into a brawl and started throwing lawn chairs at one another.  One Bosnian woman was injured when a chair hit her in the head…and two men were arrested for “riotous behavior”.  Overall, 30 fans were ejected from the Australian Open.

STUPID CRIMINALS!!!
Last Friday, 37-year-old Callie Rough of Middletown, Ohio, took her two kids over to the local Dollar Store.  But instead of paying for her purchases, Callie tried to STEAL them.  Now, are you ready for some irony?  According to the store clerk, one of the items Callie tried to shoplift was a book called “101 Ways to Be a Great Mom”.  Anyway, Callie ran out of the store…but the police caught up with her a few blocks away and arrested her.   (You mean to tell me that you steal stuff from the “Dollar Store”.  It’s a buck!!!  STUPID CRIMINALS!) (–You can pick up a copy of “101 Ways to Be a Great Mom” on the cheap here:  http://www.amazon.com/101-Ways-Be-Great-Mom/dp/1403720118

MAN RETURNS EATEN LOBSTER
Walter Tessier walked into an Amsterdam, New York, Price Chopper grocery store on Saturday with a lobster in hand saying he wanted to return it because it was bad. Grocers were about to allow him to trade the $10.99 a pound lobster for a $27 bag of king crab legs when they discovered the lobster was all shell. The man had eaten it and put the shell parts back together. When confronted, the man ran from the store with the bag of crab legs. Deputies said they caught up with him at his home only to discover that he had already eaten the crab legs, too. Tessier was charged with petty larceny.

ANGELINA JOLIE’S FORMER BODYGUARD MAY BE WRITING A BOOK…
There’s word going around some of the less-than-reputable gossip websites that ANGELINA JOLIE’S former bodyguard, one Mickey Brett, is shopping a tell-all book to various publishers.  Mickey worked for Angelina for several years, and he supposedly never signed a confidentiality agreement.  As such, he’s got a lot to say, and he’s not afraid to say it.  For instance, he claims that Angelina hooked up with Brad WHILE Brad was still with JENNIFER ANISTON.  Mickey says he walked in on Brad and Angelina in a trailer on the set of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”…just THREE WEEKS into filming.  (In other words, Brad and Angelina didn’t slowly and gradually fall in love at the same time that Brad’s marriage to Jennifer was, coincidentally, slowly and gradually ending.  Shocking, I know.)  All of this originated with “In Touch Weekly”.  Is it true???  Who knows.  But the word is that Angelina and her attorneys are already exploring their legal options.  So we’ll keep you posted if we hear anything.

DANNY BONADUCE AND JOSE CANSECO FOUGHT TO A DRAW:
DANNY BONADUCE and JOSE CANSECO boxed to a DRAW on Saturday night, after three, one-minute rounds in a venue outside Philadelphia.  (We hear the place was filled to its 2,000-seat capacity…with fans paying $50 to sit ringside, and 30 bucks for the cheaper seats.)  Canseco came into the fight a foot taller, and almost 100 pounds heavier, than Danny…although Danny has more boxing experience.  The fight was also broadcast on pay-per-view, via the Internet.  Both Bonaduce and Canseco were paid $2 for every pay-per-view buy.  There’s no word how much they made. (Here are some pictures of the fight…and despite the shot of Canseco getting his hand raised, every report WE could find on the fight says it ended in a draw…)

ALEC BALDWIN’S DATE TO THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS WAS…HIS RUDE, THOUGHTLESS LITTLE PIG DAUGHTER:
Back in 2007, ALEC BALDWIN pretty much stepped in it when he left a VICIOUS voicemail message for his young daughter Ireland, calling her a RUDE, THOUGHTLESS LITTLE PIG.  Well, it looks like everything’s cool now…because Ireland…who’s 13 now…was Alec’s date to the Screen Actors Guild Awards on Sunday.  (–Here they are . . .)

HEART-WARMING GOLF STORY

This heart-warming story should put an end to the rumor that  golfers are not good husbands.

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack.
“Help me dear” she groans to her husband.
He quickly calls 911 on his cell phone, and after a brief conversation, picks up his putter and lines up his stroke.. His wife picks up her head off the green and stares at him.

“I’m dying over here and you’re putting?”  “Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “They found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you”

“Well, how long will it take to get here?” she asks him feebly.

“No time at all,” says her husband, “Everybody has agreed to let him play through.”

YOU CAN BUY A FLYING CAR (OR A “ROADABLE AIRCRAFT”) FOR $194,000:
Admit it…you’ve always fantasized about owning a FLYING CAR.  Well now, thanks to a company called Terrafugia, you can buy the Transition…which is the world’s first flying car!  And, no, the Transition isn’t one of those lame buggies with a parachute attached to it.  It’s actually a flying car.  The Transition is basically a small, two-seater airplane…but its wings fold up so you can drive it as a car.  It has a top speed of 115 miles per hour…and it’s capable of flying nearly 500 miles on a single tank of regular unleaded gas.  So what’s the catch?  Well, in order to fly the Transition, you need to have your sport aviation license.  A sport aviation license is basically just like a regular pilot license…only you don’t need nearly as much training or flying hours to get it.  Terrafugia has already received deposits on more than 40 Transitions…and they expect the first road-ready…and air-ready…crafts to be completed by next year.  Oh, and I know you’ve been waiting for this. . . the Transition costs just $194,000. (–This thing is pretty sweet.  Really.  Do yourself a favor and check out the company website here . . .http://www.terrafugia.com/

A HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS BASKETBALL TEAM FROM TEXAS LOST 100-0…AND THE WINNING COACH APOLOGIZED FOR WINNING BY SO MUCH:
I’m just going to lay out the details of this story, and you can form your own opinion, OK?  Last week, the girl’s basketball team from the Dallas Academy…which is a high school in the Dallas, Texas, area…had a road game against another high school called The Covenant Academy, and the Dallas Academy team lost by a score of 100 to ZERO.  Then, earlier this week, the coach of the team that won, the Covenant team…a guy named Micah Grimes…apologized for his team’s lopsided victory and offered to forfeit the win.  Why?  Because he left his first-string in the game until the end of the third quarter…when the score was 88 to ZERO.  Plus, the team that lost is from the Dallas Academy, a school for kids with learning disabilities…and their girl’s basketball team hasn’t won a game in four seasons.

A MEMBER OF THE QUEEN’S GUARD IN LONDON…THOSE GUYS WITH THE BIG FURRY HATS…ATTACKED A KID WHO WAS MAKING FUN OF HIM:
You know what the Queen’s Guard is, right?  They’re the guys who stand outside Buckingham Palace in London wearing those red jackets and the tall, bearskin hats.  Anyway, members of the Queen’s Guard aren’t supposed to interact with the public or even respond to them.  But since everyone knows that…some jerks figure they can mess with them.  At least that’s what a 23-year-old jerk named Nick Ibarra thought.  See, a guardsman was pacing outside of St. James Palace in London…and Nick was marching right alongside the guy, goofing on him as his friend, 22-year-old Suzanne Cadosch, videotaped it and laughed.  But it seems the guardsman was having a bad day, and he snapped and attacked Nick.   Nick says, quote, “I felt this huge hand on my collar and managed to avoid a boot up the backside, but he was growling like a bear.  He had a bayonet on his gun and [I] didn’t want it going somewhere painful!  He pushed me away and I just ran for it.”

MUGGING IN WASHINGTON DC

A man was walking down the streets of Washington DC one night. All of a sudden a mugger sticks a gun in his ribs and says. Give me all your money.

He replied, “Do you realize I am an important member of congress?” The robber said, “In that case give me all my money!”

CELEBRITIES WHO GOOGLE THEMSELVES
“Newsweek” interviewed various actors who’ve been getting love this award season…and found out something interesting:  ROBERT DOWNEY JR. and ANNE HATHAWAY Google themselves regularly…while BRAD PITT does not.  Downey said, quote, “Oh, I love all that (stuff), personally.  Sorry.  I love just it.  Because it’s a hoot.  Some people overstate their support, like they know you.”  Hathaway added, quote, “For a while, it cracked me up.  I found a ton of humor in it.  But recently it’s changed.  There’s a big difference now where information is being reported as news.  And I’m very uncomfortable with that.”  But Pitt…flawless as usual…said, quote, “Dear God no.  Never.  First of all, I don’t really know how to operate a computer.” (He did admit, however, that he has a Blackberry.  In unrelated news, here’s Brad posing for a photo op…WITH HIS FLY DOWN. . . . )

GUESS WHO’S IN TALKS TO APPEAR ON “DANCING WITH THE STARS?”
Your man K-Fed, KEVIN FEDERLINE is in talks to appear on the upcoming season of “Dancing with the Stars”???  That according to the not-always reliable “Star” tabloid.  A so-called “source” tells them, quote, “His career isn’t exactly where he wants it to be. “Kevin wants to get back into shape and welcomes anyone who can help him.”  (–If you haven’t seen your man K-Fed recently…he’s definitely a little ROUNDER these days.  You can check out a recent picture of him, here . . .)

WHO WANTS ARETHA FRANKLIN’S GIANT BOW HAT???
Not surprisingly, EVERYONE wants a ridiculous GIANT BOW hat like the one that ARETHA FRANKLIN wore during BARACK OBAMA’S inauguration.  But it’s not for sale…the dude who designed the hat says it was one-of-a-kind.  (Here’s a picture of Aretha’s hat…and Ellen DeGeneres mocking it . . .)

SPIRIT AIRLINE CHARGES PLANE CRASH VICTIMS
You knew this was coming: Rob and Jeff Kolodjay were two of the passengers on the plane that went down in New York’s Hudson River.  Rob and Jeff were scheduled to fly on Spirit Airlines to a golf vacation with four other friends on Thursday.  Spirit cancelled their flight, and they were rebooked on to US Airways flight 1549.  Then it … you know, yada yada yada.  When the two men tried to cancel the return tickets on Spirit they could not use because they never made it to Myrtle Beach, the Spirit representative insisted on charging them each a $90 cancellation fee.

A 72-YEAR-OLD WOMAN RETIRED FROM HER JOB AT MCDONALD’S AFTER 39 YEARS:
The fast food industry has a turnover rate of about 300%.  That means in any given year, an average fast food restaurant will change over its entire staff about three times.  So it’s pretty incredible when you hear a story like THIS…Last week, 72-year-old Nell Pierce-Boykin retired from her job managing a McDonald’s restaurant in Morrow, Georgia.  But get this…Nell got her first job at McDonald’s back in 1970, and she’s worked for the chain ever since.  If you do the math, that means Nell worked for McDonald’s for 39 years.  (If you’re wondering how Nell was able to afford retirement in this economy, given that she works at a fast food restaurant, her son, Dwayne, won $750,000 on a Georgia State Lottery scratcher last month…so he hooked her up….Check out a picture of Nell here:)

A BRITISH POLICEMAN GOT A SIX-INCH STICK IMPALED IN HIS EYE:
25-year-old John Nash was just six days into his new job as a police officer in Rochdale, England, when he spotted a car that was swerving all over the road.   John tried to pull the car over, but its two passengers bailed out and took off running.  Anyway, John got out of his car and chased them.  But as he was running after one of the suspects, he slipped in a mud puddle…and went head-first into a bush.  So John got up, dusted himself off and continued after the suspect…who he eventually caught.  Unfortunately, it was right about then that John realized he had a six-inch branch IMPALED IN HIS EYE. John underwent an emergency three-hour operation to remove the stick…which shattered his eye socket and lodged just underneath his brain…and his doctors fully expected him to lose his sight or even suffer brain damage.  Thankfully, neither of those things happened and John is expected to make a full recovery.  But how’s this for justice?  The suspect that John was chasing…was released without charge.  (Check out John’s X-ray, along with a post-op picture, here:)